Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The News

I've gone around and around about what to write about today. I was going to post about our second trip to Disney, but I just don't have the time tonight. When I got the picture cd, I was prompted to tell about this instead...

If you've visited my blog recently, you know that I've been struggling with missing Grady a lot. I probably should have picked something unrelated to him for this memory just to try to get my mind off of him some. However, the truth is, it doesn't matter what I write about. He's all I think about lately.

It was 21 weeks ago today that we met our beautiful baby boy...not that I'm counting or anything.

I want to briefly share with you the day we found out we were having a boy. It was a Friday afternoon, June 27, 2008. We had just returned from our second trip to Disney, which I'll probably write about next week. The highlight of coming home from that trip was finding out if "the baby in Mommy's tummy" was a boy or girl.

We came home from finding out and sat the girls on the sofa. Here they are waiting anxiously...

I asked them what they thought it was, boy or girl. They both said "girl". I then asked them what they hoped it was. Jessica said a girl, Emma Grace said "both". Well, I reiterated the fact that there was only ONE baby in my tummy and she had to choose. It took a couple of times, but she finally confessed that she hoped this baby was a girl.

I wanted to keep them in suspense, so very slowly I announced...


Here are the reactions...

Emma Grace quickly perked up and said, "Well, we can change that!"

Me: "No, baby, we can't change that. It's a boy."

Emma Grace: "No, Mommy. We just need to tell God that we want a baby girl instead!"

Me: "God obviously wanted us to have a baby boy because that's what He gave us."

Oh, the innocence of a child. Ask and you shall receive...

Even though they were apprehensive at first, they had grown accustomed to the idea of a baby boy/brother and were very excited to welcome him into our family. We all still struggle with the alternate plans God had for him. He will always be a part of our family because he will always live in our hearts.
Thanks for sharing this memory with me this week.



  1. Oh, what a bittersweet memory for you. Grady is such a beautiful baby. Everytime I'm here I just sit for a second and stare.

    I'm sorry you're missing him so much. That longing is so hard - but Jesus and time are beautiful healers.

    Go check out my newest blog post. Growing through Affliction has been re-vamped and is up and running. Perhaps there will be something there to cheer you.

  2. What precious memories you must have with your precious babe. Sorry to hear about his death, may the Lord comfort you in a very special way today.

  3. I'm crying as I sit and read through your blog. I understand, I wish I didn't, but I do. My heart and arms still ache for my little girl that was stillborn. I hold on to the memories like the one that you shared today. Thank you for sharing your joys and your grief. I love the photos of your girls, what cuties.

  4. Missing Grady with you today, Tonya.

    What wonderful big sisters your girls are. I know Grady could feel their love for him, even if they had wanted a sister at first... = )

  5. Oh Tonya, that's so precious. I know your pain is still excruciating, but each and every one of those memories of your sweet Grady will never leave your heart.

    Thank you so much for your heart-felt note on my blog. Yes, my miscarriage was recent. We found out our baby had died on the 20th of March. My husband came home on the 25th and the baby was born on the 26th (totally God's timing!). I was 12 weeks along. I had no idea how devastating a miscarriage so early on was and is.

    I pray God brings you comfort during this time. My mom lost 2 baby boys--one at 20 weeks, the other at 21 weeks (and that one lived for a couple hours). I know the pain is so excruciating. May you feel His love during this time. God bless you, Sweet Tonya! If you ever want to talk, my email is

  6. I'm so sorry for your loss. I have never been though that (my struggle was infertility and we eventually adopted), so I have no idea what you are going through.

    What a hoot that your daughter thought you could change the baby's sex, tho! That was cute.

    Great pictures.