Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Monday, December 24, 2012


Just wanted to check in with the blog world in case anyone still visits and say...


Matthew was NOT sure of Santa.  He leaned on Jessica the whole time.  

Matthew's thinking, "That looks like my list..."

"Yes, Santa.  I would like a choo choo please."

Love and blessings to all!


Saturday, August 18, 2012

Checking In...

Just want you all to know that I do occasionally check in here on blogger.  "Occasionally" being the key word.  Things are going well here.  Hope to update very soon.  Hope all is well with you!  Love you all!!!


Thursday, May 24, 2012

Tidbits from T & The Angel Babies 5K

Since it has been so long, I thought I would update you with a "Tidbit" post...

***The girls are officially out of school for the summer...YAY!  The unfortunate thing is that I've heard the words, "I'm bored" way too many times already.  We have no exciting plans this summer, so I'm afraid it's gonna be a LONG one!

***Matthew is all over the place and into everything!  Such a huge blessing but boy does he wear me out!  He still desperately needs a brace for his right leg/foot to hold his foot in position and stretch his achilles tendon, but insurance has denied it.  Why did they deny it?  Because he doesn't have a diagnosis of diabetes!  Is that not the craziest thing you've ever heard?!?!?  I guess a diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy isn't enough.  We are appealing this, and it's super frustrating!  The brace is $2,000 or we would just pay for it out of pocket.  The other thing is that when he outgrows this one, he will need another and so on. 

He still goes to physical therapy every other week, and we have just added occupational therapy every week to our routine.  He needs help with his right arm/hand and has some eating issues we need to address.  I can't say enough good about the therapists at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta.  I feel truly blessed to have their help with our little man.  We also had a speech evaluation recently, but they determined he didn't need it at this time.  We will reevaluate that in 6 months.

***Emma Grace turned nine in March!  I'm a terrible mom because I didn't do a blog post or wish her a happy birthday here on my blog.  Jessica is turning 13 this coming Monday, and I hope to get posts for each birthday done soon.  Jessica actually gets to spend her birthday at the beach!  She has been invited to go with a friend, and while I'm sad not to spend her special day with her, I'm excited for her.  I feel bad for Emma Grace, though, because she turned down a beach trip with one of her friends at the same time because she didn't want to miss her sister's birthday.  :(

***Gib is officially finished with his specialist's degree from the University of Georgia...YAY!  He is still working through the middle of June, and we will be happy when he is home for the summer.  He is super excited about a trip to Las Vegas with his brother and cousin in June.  I'm glad he's going with them because that's one place I have absolutely no desire to visit.

***I've been super sick with pneumonia.  They originally thought it was bad bronchitis, but it turned out to be more.  After three different antibiotics and a round of steroids, I'm finally feeling better.  I honestly wasn't sure I was going to make it at one point and just wished they would put me in the hospital for rest and IV antibiotics.  Apparently it wasn't bad enough for that, but it would have been nice.  I'm just SO thankful I'm feeling better!

I really want to take a beach trip by myself this summer, but I'm not sure that's gonna happen.  Everything is so expensive!  I'm trying to think of somewhere else I can go that is nice and relaxing, so if you have any suggestions, please let me know!  I just want a few days to relax, be selfish and do whatever I want to do!  :)

***The Angel Babies 5K went great a couple of weeks ago.  I ran despite being sick, which wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done, but I was determined to run for my boy in heaven.  I had a terrible time and the course was hard, but thanks to one of my BFF's, Jenny, she pushed me and encouraged me through the whole thing.  She could have smoked me but stayed by my side the whole time.  Thanks JC!  We had 20+ people as a part of Team Grady.  I appreciated each and every person who donated and/or took the time and made the effort to be part of that day with us.  Again, I'm SO grateful for my family of friends, and I'm SO thankful that family isn't defined by blood alone.  Here are a few pictures from that was HOT!!!

 That's all for now!


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Change is NOT Good For Me!

Just a quick check-in to say I am not thrilled with this "new" Blogger!  I tried to change the top picture on my page and it doesn't even cover the entire area that the other one did.  It took me forever to figure out how to write a new post.  Grrrrrr.  I do NOT like change!  I'm going to have to devote a whole afternoon to redesigning my blog.  But I have to feel better first because I've been battling bad bronchitis and pneumonia.  We are well otherwise.  The girls are finishing up school this week, and I am looking forward to not having a schedule for a while! 


Saturday, April 14, 2012

Team Grady

Hello long lost friends! Yes, I'm losing the battle with blogging again. So many things have happened since I last blogged. Emma Grace turned 9, Matthew started walking - YAY! - and so many other things.

I wanted to take a minute, though, to tell you about an upcoming event that our family is participating in. The organization that I volunteer for, Rock Goodbye Angel, is having a 5K on Sunday, May 6, 2012. It is a fundraiser, but it's also a Mother's Day event for bereaved moms. There is also a one mile Memory March to honor angel babies before the 5K starts.

If you have lost a baby, or know someone who has, and you live locally (North GA), please consider participating in this event. If you sign up for the 5K, you can also participate in the Memory March at no additional cost. You can register at:

If you would simply like to donate to this worthy cause, I have set up a fundraising page for "Team Grady", and donating couldn't be easier. All monetary gifts are tax deductible. Please visit the following link to donate to our team.

Thank you in advance for your support! If you would like to join us, please register by April 22nd.


Tuesday, March 13, 2012


It has been a long time since I've blogged...until today when I blogged about our trip to Colorado, that is.

It has been an especially long time since I blogged about anything really deep...the kinds of things that come from that deep, dark place inside of me. I used to be so good at sharing, but I've gotten really good a shoving those thoughts and feelings aside.

I don't really know why.

Maybe it's because I don't think many people read my blog anymore. Maybe it's because I think people just want to read "happy" stuff. Maybe it's because I think people simply just don't care anymore. But, for whatever reason, I don't blog about "deep" issues. But I'm about to...

I have some confessions. Don't ask me why I chose to do it tonight or why I chose to do it at all. Because the answer would be a huge and honest, "I don't know!". However, I was doing dishes tonight, and I felt like I needed to write out some confessions I've been keeping secret.

So, here goes...

*I started my own support group in February with Rock Goodbye Angel. This support group serves the area around the hospital where I delivered Grady. It is so important and special to me. But I'll be honest...I feel guilty sometimes that I'm so far removed from my loss and that my feelings aren't as raw as others' in the group. I know this is a good thing because I'm able to focus and help them through it. And, please don't get me wrong...I still tear up and get emotional at times because the raw pain and emotion is so evident. I remember those feelings. I still have them at times, and I'm thankful they come few and far between. But at times, I feel guilty for being where I am emotionally and wish everyone else could be there, too...

*Along those same lines, I have people in my support group who have had premature babies who have not lived. I struggle with feeling guilty, yet being so happy, that Emma Grace is alive and well today when their babies are not here with them. I don't know why Emma Grace lived at 25 weeks. I don't know why she not only lived but is so healthy with no problems from her prematurity. It is truly, simply a miracle. I don't know what God's will is for her life, but I give Him all the glory and know that I'm extremely grateful to have her here in my arms. I remember so clearly when we thought she wouldn't be. Unfortunately, that is the reality of some of the families I meet, and my heart absolutely breaks for them.

*I'm extremely sad that my child rearing days are over. I hear of people expecting babies and wish it was me. But then I remember how my body didn't agree with pregnancy (except with Jessica), even though I LOVED feeling the baby growing and moving inside of me. And then I remember the lack of sleep and how it really about pushed me over the edge after Matthew was born. But then I reason that it was extremely difficult because I was pumping AND trying to take care of him and that was why it was so hard. The truth, though, is that I'm done having biological babies, and I really am okay with that. Most of the time... Although I'm open to adoption if God lays it on mine and Gib's hearts one day.

*I'm super disappointed in myself. I started this year with some pretty big goals of getting in shape and running a half marathon by my 40th birthday in September. I started off really strong but fell off the wagon. Hard. I won't go into detail, but I've been dealing with some emotional "junk" and haven't been able to find my way back to the "happy" side of things yet. I don't have much motivation and seem to have a hard time doing anything really good for myself. My mind tells me one thing, but my body responds in a completely different way. SO FRUSTRATING! I don't blame anyone but myself because we are all in control of our choices, but still...I'm stuck!!! :/

*I am so torn between wanting to be home with Matthew and wanting to get a job. I still have the dream to be a perinatal loss coordinator in a hospital, specifically the hospital where Grady was born, but that isn't going to happen anytime soon. I've thought about trying to go into hospice. I've thought about being a NICU nurse. I've thought about going back to teaching breastfeeding and infant safety/cpr classes. But I've just thought about it. I tried to apply for one hospice job online and got so overwhelmed that I quit in the middle of it. Gib helped me get my resume together, but something is holding me back. I feel like I need to work, not only to help provide for our family financially but also to have something to call "my own". But, at the same time, I feel tremendous guilt over even thinking about leaving Matthew. I didn't leave the girls. Matthew has some special needs, and in some ways, I feel like he needs me even more. Grrrrr!

I have more things I could write about, but I'm honestly super sleepy and the bed is calling my name. If you made it this far, thank you. Hopefully I'll be back sooner than later!


Monday, March 12, 2012

Colorado, February, 2012

We had an awesome time in Colorado visiting Gib's brother, Arthur, and his family. We left Atlanta on Wednesday, Feb. 15th at 9pm. I was worried about Matthew flying so late, considering he goes to bed around 7:30, but the hope was that he would sleep. He did...but only the last hour of the three hour flight. Unfortunately, Gib was seated two rows behind me, with Jessica across the aisle from him, and I was left to wrestle Matthew between Emma Grace and a very kind woman who was very gracious to us. We were seated right behind first class, which I'm sure was appreciated by all who resided there, too. It was so bad that at one point the lady sitting next to Gib said, "I hope that baby doesn't cry the whole time." Gib's reply..."I hope not, too, because he is mine."

Needless to say by the time we landed I was a hot, wet mess. I was sweaty from wrestling Matthew, but I had also been peed on twice.


We spent the night at Arthur's house that night, and the kids had a bit of play time before we headed to the mountains on Thursday.

The two hour drive up to Copper Mountain was beautiful. I enjoyed the time in the car with my sister-in-law, Shannon, and fortunately the kids cooperated, too!

The altitude didn't get to me right away. Gib had problems during the night on Thursday, and my problems started Friday. I was dizzy, constant headache, nauseous, and very short of breath. Fortunately, their mountain house has an elevator that I used when I felt really bad.

On Friday, Uncle Arthur put the girls in private ski lessons, which they both really enjoyed. They caught on very quickly...Jessica was a "natural"; Emma Grace had a hard time turning left.

Saturday they spent most of the day skiing with Uncle Arthur and cousin Kylie before we headed back down the mountain that night. Here are Emma Grace and Kylie taking a ski and snack break.

In between skiing, the kids had a great time in the hot tub which was outside. They thought it was really cool that it snowed on them!

Uncle Arthur took a little time to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

This is the view from the outside deck. Their house is right on the mountain. We could see people riding up the lift and skiing down. I wish I had taken more pictures because it was just beautiful!

Matthew went out a few times in the snow, but he wasn't too sure about all the heavy clothes involved...

Daddy sure is proud of his little man! (But then again, we all are!)

Fortunately, the flight home Sunday morning was much better for all involved. Our seats were together, and Matthew slept pretty much the entire flight. I read while Gib and Matthew snuggled. So precious!

Of course the girls did fantastic. They are such great travelers and great helpers with Matthew.

Thanks Uncle Arthur, Aunt Shannon, Kylie and Collin for a GREAT trip!