If I'm honest, there are times that I struggle with Matthew's health issues. Not just on the level of worry. It goes much deeper. I fall into the pit of gloom and doom and fear and doubt. The thought of possible surgery. The thought of him being teased if he has lingering evidence of his cerebral palsy. The thought of something else happening to him or the girls. The questions of "Why?" and "What if?" freely abound.
But just when I start to really wallow in my pit, I'm brought back to the realization of how good things really are. I'm reminded of how blessed we are and how much we truly have to be thankful for.
Let me share a few things that I try to reflect on and give thanks for...
My husband and children love me. Just like in any relationship, I don't "feel the love" 100% of the time, and I bet they don't either (even though I try hard for them to!). But I know they love me. And I know they would be lost without me, as I would be without them. There are LOTS of hugs and kisses that pass between the five of us here on earth and lots of love sent to heaven for Grady every day. Words cannot express the love and thankfulness that I feel for each one of them.
I am SO thankful for Gib, Jessica, Emma Grace, Grady and Matthew. I'm thankful for God's blessings on, of and through my family!
My husband has a job. Not only does he have a job, but it's a job that allows me to stay home with our children. Granted we make sacrifices and don't have much extra, but it's all worth it. I don't have nice clothes. We don't have a fancy house. We don't spend freely on "stuff". Most everything we buy is purchased with much thought beforehand, waiting for items to go on sale and/or using coupons when possible. I feel guilty (and I know Gib does too) at times when I can't buy Jessica and Emma Grace the things they want. Not to spoil them, but to give them some of the things their friends have so they don't feel "left out". For instance, Jessica is the only one of her friends who doesn't have a NorthFace jacket. She desperately wants one, but she will have to wait. She talks about it, but she is also learning some great lessons about needs versus wants. I often remind myself and them that we have what we need and that's what really matters. And when we save the money to get the things we want, we appreciate them so much more.
I'm thankful for Gib's job, that he goes to work everyday and the fact that God provides for our needs.
For the most part, we are all healthy. And for that, I'm so very thankful!
I clearly remember writing this post on Grady's 6 month birthday. This year, I have a living baby to write a post about and actually tell what he's doing instead of just speculating what a 6 month old might be doing.
I'm so thankful for the gift and blessing of Matthew's life. In no way does he replace Grady, but he has brought much healing to each one of us.
When I start to think about the issues Matthew has had and continues to face, I'm reminded of how blessed we are. His brain bleed was only on one side and wasn't severe. His cerebral palsy is mild; it could be so much worse. His porencephaly didn't cause any of the horrible side effects that I read about (other than the mild cerebral palsy). Because the hole in his heart is so small, it will not require surgery even if it is not closed in March when we have it rechecked. And if he does need surgery on his hydrocele, it will be done as an outpatient and should be a simple procedure. Even though the thought of anesthesia and my baby being cut on isn't appealing and is actually very scary, it could be so much worse.
For this, I'm so thankful.
I could make a list of the other things that I'm thankful for on a daily basis that often get missed and taken for granted. Some might include my warm bed and house, our food, my morning coffee with hazelnut creamer (*wink*), my hair dryer and flat iron (another *wink*), technology that makes it possible for me to link up with all of you, our car & van which we readily hop into to get from point a to point b, the clothes on my back, running water, electricity, etc. These are things that often don't get a second thought by myself and probably many of you. But the truth is that there are plenty of people who don't have these things.
I'm so thankful for the pleasantries of life that make it simple and more enjoyable.
And last, but most important of all, I'm so thankful for my God who loves me/us unconditionally. Who sent His son as my Savior. Who promises to never leave me or forsake me. Who walks beside me and has carried me when I couldn't carry myself. And I'm so thankful for the promise and hope of heaven.
It is important to remind myself of these things, and more, when I start to dwell on the negative in my life. The good definitely outweighs the bad, but for some reason, in odd ways, the bad carries more weight than the good. (That doesn't make sense, but I can't think of another way to put it!) The bad automatically overshadows the good. I have to clear the bad from my brain to make room for the good to shine through. I have to be very intentional about this, and when I do, it lifts my spirits and gives me new perspective, hope and energy to keep trucking along. You should try it, too!
Love,
Tonya
Showing posts with label Thanksgiving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thanksgiving. Show all posts
Friday, January 21, 2011
Friday, November 27, 2009
Black Friday and Cracker Barrel
I survived Black Friday! This year was the first time I've ever gotten up in the middle of the night to shop the day after Thanksgiving. I got up at 3am and left home, coffee in hand, by 3:30.
My first stop was the mall. Sears had down comforters, any size, for $19.99. I couldn't find them, and when I asked, I was told that only the 'bigger' stores got those in their shipment. Bummer.
So off to Kohl's I went. I found exactly what I was looking for, and even a little extra, but then stood in line for one hour. It was one of the longest hours of my life. I was sandwiched between two former coworkers(not mine, each other). The one behind me was pregnant with her first baby, due in June. The one in front of me, with good reason, was ecstatic for her.
...you get the idea.
That was all I heard about. That and the fact that the woman in front of me had daughters, granddaughters, 13 nieces and not one nephew. She had no idea how she would shop for a boy because she had never had to.
...me neither.
They were very nice, but I was ready to check out and move on.
I had mentioned (to the woman behind me, the pregnant one) that I really wanted to get there early to get gifts for my girls' teachers. Later in our conversation she asked me how old my girls were. Luckily she didn't ask me how many children I had, boys or girls, etc. Because I would have been really stuck with my answer. I wouldn't have wanted to deny Grady and not acknowledge him, but I also didn't want to have to tell her what happened to him out of respect for her, being pregnant and all.
Thank you Lord for that blessing today.
From Kohl's I headed to Target. I didn't spend as much time there, but I did see a man almost come out of the passenger window because another car wouldn't let his car in front of him. And this was leaving the parking lot, not coming in!
From there I struck out at Academy Sports and Old Navy. But I did buy myself some new comfy purple house slippers. Jessica is trying to steal them, but I'm not gonna let her. But I will share, you know.
I'm glad I ventured out because I do feel like I saved a good bit of money. Even though I'm not a shopper, it was kind of fun. I'm even considering doing it again next year!
I came home by 9am and was ready for a rest. I tried to nap and dozed off and on. I got up around 11am to find Jessica a bit puny and very glassy-eyed. She had a fever of 102. That was a bummer because we had tickets to the Nutcracker for a 2pm show. Needless to say we stayed home. She did take a short nap, but she still hasn't felt well all day.
--------------------
Gib and Jessica decided to throw the football yesterday afternoon before going to dinner. It was cold! (at least to us southerners!)
We had a great time last night. The food was great, sweet tea was perfect and our waitress even let me substitute my pumpkin pie for pecan pie and the girls got chocolate pecan pie. Yummy!
We looked around the gift shop after dinner. These three decided they wanted to start their own band right there in the middle of the store. Too funny! Be sure not to miss the tambourine in Gib's hand...
We came home and enjoyed The Polar Express in our pj's in front of a fire. It was sooooo nice and relaxing! We took these pictures before getting in our pj's - I know you're glad!
I was trying to get a cute picture of me and the girls with Buddy, but he wanted to attack me instead. (If you look hard enough, you can see the top of his head between my legs. I was holding him down for the picture)
---------------------
I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I'm having lunch with my friend, Mary Beth, who is in town from Indiana. I've been looking forward to seeing her for a long time. I haven't seen her in quite a while, and it's always great to spend time with her. Our visit this year will be much different from last year's Thanksgiving visit.
Instead of her visiting me with her new baby and meeting Grady, she came alone, brought a meal for my family and sat and cried with me. As I recall she also stopped by McDonald's and brought me a diet coke and some french fries. They sounded good that particular day. She knew I wasn't eating and brought me what she thought I would eat. This year (tomorrow) we're planning to have our usual, Mexican. Can't wait!
That's all for tonight!
Love,
Tonya
My first stop was the mall. Sears had down comforters, any size, for $19.99. I couldn't find them, and when I asked, I was told that only the 'bigger' stores got those in their shipment. Bummer.
So off to Kohl's I went. I found exactly what I was looking for, and even a little extra, but then stood in line for one hour. It was one of the longest hours of my life. I was sandwiched between two former coworkers(not mine, each other). The one behind me was pregnant with her first baby, due in June. The one in front of me, with good reason, was ecstatic for her.
...you get the idea.
That was all I heard about. That and the fact that the woman in front of me had daughters, granddaughters, 13 nieces and not one nephew. She had no idea how she would shop for a boy because she had never had to.
...me neither.
They were very nice, but I was ready to check out and move on.
I had mentioned (to the woman behind me, the pregnant one) that I really wanted to get there early to get gifts for my girls' teachers. Later in our conversation she asked me how old my girls were. Luckily she didn't ask me how many children I had, boys or girls, etc. Because I would have been really stuck with my answer. I wouldn't have wanted to deny Grady and not acknowledge him, but I also didn't want to have to tell her what happened to him out of respect for her, being pregnant and all.
Thank you Lord for that blessing today.
From Kohl's I headed to Target. I didn't spend as much time there, but I did see a man almost come out of the passenger window because another car wouldn't let his car in front of him. And this was leaving the parking lot, not coming in!
From there I struck out at Academy Sports and Old Navy. But I did buy myself some new comfy purple house slippers. Jessica is trying to steal them, but I'm not gonna let her. But I will share, you know.
I'm glad I ventured out because I do feel like I saved a good bit of money. Even though I'm not a shopper, it was kind of fun. I'm even considering doing it again next year!
I came home by 9am and was ready for a rest. I tried to nap and dozed off and on. I got up around 11am to find Jessica a bit puny and very glassy-eyed. She had a fever of 102. That was a bummer because we had tickets to the Nutcracker for a 2pm show. Needless to say we stayed home. She did take a short nap, but she still hasn't felt well all day.
--------------------
Gib and Jessica decided to throw the football yesterday afternoon before going to dinner. It was cold! (at least to us southerners!)
We had a great time last night. The food was great, sweet tea was perfect and our waitress even let me substitute my pumpkin pie for pecan pie and the girls got chocolate pecan pie. Yummy!
We looked around the gift shop after dinner. These three decided they wanted to start their own band right there in the middle of the store. Too funny! Be sure not to miss the tambourine in Gib's hand...
We came home and enjoyed The Polar Express in our pj's in front of a fire. It was sooooo nice and relaxing! We took these pictures before getting in our pj's - I know you're glad!
I was trying to get a cute picture of me and the girls with Buddy, but he wanted to attack me instead. (If you look hard enough, you can see the top of his head between my legs. I was holding him down for the picture)
---------------------
I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I'm having lunch with my friend, Mary Beth, who is in town from Indiana. I've been looking forward to seeing her for a long time. I haven't seen her in quite a while, and it's always great to spend time with her. Our visit this year will be much different from last year's Thanksgiving visit.
Instead of her visiting me with her new baby and meeting Grady, she came alone, brought a meal for my family and sat and cried with me. As I recall she also stopped by McDonald's and brought me a diet coke and some french fries. They sounded good that particular day. She knew I wasn't eating and brought me what she thought I would eat. This year (tomorrow) we're planning to have our usual, Mexican. Can't wait!
That's all for tonight!
Love,
Tonya
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thankful
Happy Thanksgiving!
I hope you're having a great day, however and with whomever you're spending it. Our day started by Gib bringing the Christmas tree and decorations down from the attic. Early...around 9am. I wasn't even done with my coffee. So we dove in, head first, to get the tree up and decorated.
I have to brag on my hubby for a minute. I'm the light 'putter-upper' and I'm not very fond of this job. However, Gib would simply put one strand around each branch and be done. Hence, the reason I've always had this responsibility. So, this year as Gib was putting each layer of branches on, he said, "Do you want to go ahead and put the lights on as we go?"
Well, some of you might say "DUH", and if so, go ahead. But this idea has NEVER crossed our minds before. We always put the whole tree up, then I tackle the lights. This was a great idea and was much easier, but it allowed me to place them more carefully, and I ran out of lights. So, two trips to the store later for more lights, the tree is complete. Decorations and all. Now we have to get the rest of the decorations in place. Feels good to have such an early start!
Your jaw might drop when you read this, but Thanksgiving has never been that big of a deal to me. I don't have really great memories that stand out on this family holiday. That holiday is Christmas for me. There was one Thanksgiving that I drove to Cleveland, TN to spend it with some friends. (As I recall that was the first Thanksgiving that my mom and step dad were married). And until recently, Gib and I have always spent Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. Somehow over the last few years, all of that has changed and we've spent the past couple of years with my brother and his family.
But last year, we changed it up again. We decided to do our own thing. Grady had just gone to heaven. I didn't want to be around anyone. I didn't want anyone walking on eggshells around me, not knowing what to say. I wanted to avoid the HUGE ELEPHANT in the room. Because, believe me, it was ever-present everywhere I went. So, Gib, the girls, and myself went to Cracker Barrel for dinner (GREAT deal!) and then went to Lake Lanier for their Nights of Lights. In light of how broken I was, we had an extremely good time. We played at the carnival after driving through the lights. We all rode on our first ferris wheel together and the girls had a grand time on some of the 'rides'.
As I was watching the world moving on, even though mine had stopped two weeks before, enjoying myself as much as I could, I wanted to stop everyone and tell them about Grady. I wanted to scream, "Don't you want to know about what just happened to my baby?!" I did not do either, but after all, it had only been two weeks...
Here are a few pictures of Thanksgiving last year...
Thanksgiving is not unfolding as I planned this year. We were going to go to Cracker Barrel for lunch and then head to Stone Mountain, GA for A Stone Mountain Christmas. Good thing I double-checked because they're not open today! For some reason I was thinking today was Nov. 27th. Oops!
We thought about doing the same thing we did last year, but then decided we'd rather save our money and still do A Stone Mountain Christmas soon. So, we're going to Cracker Barrel in a bit for dinner, then coming home to build a fire, make some hot chocolate, put on our pj's and watch The Polar Express. Sounds GREEEAAAT to me! And the girls think so, too!
Plus, I need to get in bed early because I'm braving Black Friday for the very first time ever! I'm planning on getting up early and hitting the stores. Gib says I should practice my boxing skills. I would if I had any! Instead I'll just go with the flow...
So, even though this particular holiday has never been *tops* on my list, I do love to take time and reflect on the many things for which I'm thankful. Here are just a few...
I'm very thankful and praise God for my beautiful children. Jessica and Emma Grace are the lights of my life. They bring joy and happiness beyond words. They make me laugh, each with their unique sense of humor. I love to hug, squeeze, kiss and cuddle them. I'm thankful that they both still let me do that. This, of course, includes my beautiful Grady, too. I'm thankful that I carried him for 9 months and felt him grow inside of me. I'm thankful that I had him with me for that time and for two days after he was born. Even though his life was much shorter than I hoped, he brought me much happiness. Thoughts of him and dreams we had for him aren't going to come true, but they still bring me happiness. I'm thankful for my "wondering thoughts". God has used Grady's life, both here and in heaven, to teach me so many things.
I'm thankful for my husband. He drives me crazy sometimes, but isn't that what spouses do? I'm thankful that he's a hard worker and good provider for our family. I'm thankful for his patience with me and his understanding of my quirkiness. I'm thankful that he's forgiving of my faults and loves me when I'm not so lovable. I'd be lost without him.
I'm thankful for time. Time has been such a gift to me, especially this last year. There is a saying that "time is the best healer". I am by no means completely healed from the loss of Grady. But I've made tremendous progress throughout this past year, and my prayer is that God will continue to heal my heart as time goes on.
I'm thankful for decisions that have been made, big and small.
I'm thankful for my friends, both old and new. They have truly been my rock and support. I'd be lost without them!
I'm thankful for our health. And I'm thankful that we can afford great supplements to help keep us healthy.
I'm thankful for our home, food, clothes, van and car.
I'm thankful for Buddy. He has brought lots of laughs and love into our home in the short time that we've had him.
I'm thankful for the conveniences in our lives that we, all too often, take for granted. Things like hot water, dishwashers, stove, washer and dryer, high-speed internet, telephones, cell phones, television, hair dryer, flat iron, etc.
But most of all, I'm thankful for Jesus. I'm thankful that God sent his son in human form to live on earth. I'm thankful for the life, death and resurrection of Jesus and what each of those represent. That he paid the debt of our sin on that cross so that we are forgiven and have eternal life. All we have to do is believe in Him.
And last but not least, I'm thankful for HOPE. The HOPE we have in Jesus and eternal life through Him in heaven. I've leaned on HIM and that HOPE super hard this last year. And I'm so thankful for it. Because without it, I'd have nothing.
Yes, I'm thankful this Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for?
Love,
Tonya
I hope you're having a great day, however and with whomever you're spending it. Our day started by Gib bringing the Christmas tree and decorations down from the attic. Early...around 9am. I wasn't even done with my coffee. So we dove in, head first, to get the tree up and decorated.
I have to brag on my hubby for a minute. I'm the light 'putter-upper' and I'm not very fond of this job. However, Gib would simply put one strand around each branch and be done. Hence, the reason I've always had this responsibility. So, this year as Gib was putting each layer of branches on, he said, "Do you want to go ahead and put the lights on as we go?"
Well, some of you might say "DUH", and if so, go ahead. But this idea has NEVER crossed our minds before. We always put the whole tree up, then I tackle the lights. This was a great idea and was much easier, but it allowed me to place them more carefully, and I ran out of lights. So, two trips to the store later for more lights, the tree is complete. Decorations and all. Now we have to get the rest of the decorations in place. Feels good to have such an early start!
Your jaw might drop when you read this, but Thanksgiving has never been that big of a deal to me. I don't have really great memories that stand out on this family holiday. That holiday is Christmas for me. There was one Thanksgiving that I drove to Cleveland, TN to spend it with some friends. (As I recall that was the first Thanksgiving that my mom and step dad were married). And until recently, Gib and I have always spent Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. Somehow over the last few years, all of that has changed and we've spent the past couple of years with my brother and his family.
But last year, we changed it up again. We decided to do our own thing. Grady had just gone to heaven. I didn't want to be around anyone. I didn't want anyone walking on eggshells around me, not knowing what to say. I wanted to avoid the HUGE ELEPHANT in the room. Because, believe me, it was ever-present everywhere I went. So, Gib, the girls, and myself went to Cracker Barrel for dinner (GREAT deal!) and then went to Lake Lanier for their Nights of Lights. In light of how broken I was, we had an extremely good time. We played at the carnival after driving through the lights. We all rode on our first ferris wheel together and the girls had a grand time on some of the 'rides'.
As I was watching the world moving on, even though mine had stopped two weeks before, enjoying myself as much as I could, I wanted to stop everyone and tell them about Grady. I wanted to scream, "Don't you want to know about what just happened to my baby?!" I did not do either, but after all, it had only been two weeks...
Here are a few pictures of Thanksgiving last year...
Thanksgiving is not unfolding as I planned this year. We were going to go to Cracker Barrel for lunch and then head to Stone Mountain, GA for A Stone Mountain Christmas. Good thing I double-checked because they're not open today! For some reason I was thinking today was Nov. 27th. Oops!
We thought about doing the same thing we did last year, but then decided we'd rather save our money and still do A Stone Mountain Christmas soon. So, we're going to Cracker Barrel in a bit for dinner, then coming home to build a fire, make some hot chocolate, put on our pj's and watch The Polar Express. Sounds GREEEAAAT to me! And the girls think so, too!
Plus, I need to get in bed early because I'm braving Black Friday for the very first time ever! I'm planning on getting up early and hitting the stores. Gib says I should practice my boxing skills. I would if I had any! Instead I'll just go with the flow...
So, even though this particular holiday has never been *tops* on my list, I do love to take time and reflect on the many things for which I'm thankful. Here are just a few...
I'm very thankful and praise God for my beautiful children. Jessica and Emma Grace are the lights of my life. They bring joy and happiness beyond words. They make me laugh, each with their unique sense of humor. I love to hug, squeeze, kiss and cuddle them. I'm thankful that they both still let me do that. This, of course, includes my beautiful Grady, too. I'm thankful that I carried him for 9 months and felt him grow inside of me. I'm thankful that I had him with me for that time and for two days after he was born. Even though his life was much shorter than I hoped, he brought me much happiness. Thoughts of him and dreams we had for him aren't going to come true, but they still bring me happiness. I'm thankful for my "wondering thoughts". God has used Grady's life, both here and in heaven, to teach me so many things.
I'm thankful for my husband. He drives me crazy sometimes, but isn't that what spouses do? I'm thankful that he's a hard worker and good provider for our family. I'm thankful for his patience with me and his understanding of my quirkiness. I'm thankful that he's forgiving of my faults and loves me when I'm not so lovable. I'd be lost without him.
I'm thankful for time. Time has been such a gift to me, especially this last year. There is a saying that "time is the best healer". I am by no means completely healed from the loss of Grady. But I've made tremendous progress throughout this past year, and my prayer is that God will continue to heal my heart as time goes on.
I'm thankful for decisions that have been made, big and small.
I'm thankful for my friends, both old and new. They have truly been my rock and support. I'd be lost without them!
I'm thankful for our health. And I'm thankful that we can afford great supplements to help keep us healthy.
I'm thankful for our home, food, clothes, van and car.
I'm thankful for Buddy. He has brought lots of laughs and love into our home in the short time that we've had him.
I'm thankful for the conveniences in our lives that we, all too often, take for granted. Things like hot water, dishwashers, stove, washer and dryer, high-speed internet, telephones, cell phones, television, hair dryer, flat iron, etc.
But most of all, I'm thankful for Jesus. I'm thankful that God sent his son in human form to live on earth. I'm thankful for the life, death and resurrection of Jesus and what each of those represent. That he paid the debt of our sin on that cross so that we are forgiven and have eternal life. All we have to do is believe in Him.
And last but not least, I'm thankful for HOPE. The HOPE we have in Jesus and eternal life through Him in heaven. I've leaned on HIM and that HOPE super hard this last year. And I'm so thankful for it. Because without it, I'd have nothing.
Yes, I'm thankful this Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for?
Love,
Tonya
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