I really have no business even being on the computer this morning.
MATTHEW IS COMING HOME THIS AFTERNOON!
As long as he doesn't drop his heart rate below 80 between now and the time we go get him, he's home bound. We feel extremely blessed and thankful that he has done so well. This has all happened MUCH sooner than we thought but we aren't complaining one bit. Things are not exactly the way I would like them here, but who cares? He won't!
My days at the hospital have been long, and I've been trying to just keep up with routine things and pumping milk every 2-3 hours. That doesn't leave much time for extras. I could have come home right after the hospital yesterday, but we did go see Toy Story 3 and enjoyed it very much! Gib had the idea to go out for one more family dinner, just the four of us. We went to Chili's and had a nice time. It was great to think that the next time we eat out, there will be a car seat sitting at the end of the table...
I lied in my last post. I had every good intention to make it into the baby's room, but it was 11:15pm and Gib talked me into pumping and going to bed. I really was exhausted and that really was the best decision. But I had no choice last night.
It only took me about an hour to pack Grady's things. I sorted cards and momentos from showers, when he died and his first birthday. I did pretty good and just talked to him and prayed while I did it. But when I made it to the crib the tears started to really flow. I packed away his locks of hair, the white gown he wore for his pictures, the blue gown he wore for the time he was with us, and his hospital band that he wore on his ankle. It was hard. Hard. Hard. Hard.
But I'm glad I waited.
Because as I packed Grady's things away, my heart was filled with love for him and sadness over not having him here. But at the same time, my heart was also filled with such hope and love for Matthew. I was truly able to prepare that space for Matthew. I don't understand why Grady couldn't stay here on earth, but I do know that if Grady were here, Matthew wouldn't be. We were done having children after Grady. I don't think there are words to describe how that feels...
Well, I didn't mean to get into all of that today.
The girls have open house today as school starts on Monday for them. We are looking forward to spending some time with Matthew this weekend, loving on him and getting to know him better. Emma Grace still has not held him...I'm wondering how long it will be after we get home that she will be brave enough. I can't wait to see her with him!
Have a great day! It's a super busy one for us!!!