Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Very. Very. Quickly...

I really have no business even being on the computer this morning.



As long as he doesn't drop his heart rate below 80 between now and the time we go get him, he's home bound. We feel extremely blessed and thankful that he has done so well. This has all happened MUCH sooner than we thought but we aren't complaining one bit. Things are not exactly the way I would like them here, but who cares? He won't!

My days at the hospital have been long, and I've been trying to just keep up with routine things and pumping milk every 2-3 hours. That doesn't leave much time for extras. I could have come home right after the hospital yesterday, but we did go see Toy Story 3 and enjoyed it very much! Gib had the idea to go out for one more family dinner, just the four of us. We went to Chili's and had a nice time. It was great to think that the next time we eat out, there will be a car seat sitting at the end of the table...

I lied in my last post. I had every good intention to make it into the baby's room, but it was 11:15pm and Gib talked me into pumping and going to bed. I really was exhausted and that really was the best decision. But I had no choice last night.

It only took me about an hour to pack Grady's things. I sorted cards and momentos from showers, when he died and his first birthday. I did pretty good and just talked to him and prayed while I did it. But when I made it to the crib the tears started to really flow. I packed away his locks of hair, the white gown he wore for his pictures, the blue gown he wore for the time he was with us, and his hospital band that he wore on his ankle. It was hard. Hard. Hard. Hard.

But I'm glad I waited.

Because as I packed Grady's things away, my heart was filled with love for him and sadness over not having him here. But at the same time, my heart was also filled with such hope and love for Matthew. I was truly able to prepare that space for Matthew. I don't understand why Grady couldn't stay here on earth, but I do know that if Grady were here, Matthew wouldn't be. We were done having children after Grady. I don't think there are words to describe how that feels...

Well, I didn't mean to get into all of that today.

The girls have open house today as school starts on Monday for them. We are looking forward to spending some time with Matthew this weekend, loving on him and getting to know him better. Emma Grace still has not held him...I'm wondering how long it will be after we get home that she will be brave enough. I can't wait to see her with him!

Have a great day! It's a super busy one for us!!!



  1. I've read your blog for quite some time but never commented before now. Congrats on the birth of Matthew! I can't relate to everything that you've been through but had two miscarriages between my second and third children. It was a very dark time in my life that I felt no one understood. My kiddos are now age 23 to 13. The oldest three are girls and my last a son named Matthew. I do understand the statement about not having your Matthew without losing Grady. For many years now, I have felt the exact same way. Without the hurt and loss from the two miscarriages that I had, I would not have Molly and Matthew and honestly don't know what I would do without them!!!

    Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers! Congrats on bringing home your baby Matthew!!!

  2. big smiles here! so glad he is coming home. and glad God gave you grace as you packed up Grady's things. it is one specific thing i have been praying for. love you.

  3. WOW!!!! God has your hand T. He is leading and you are listening. His timing is the ultimate. Take lots and lots of pictures! All our love, The Thomas gang

  4. Ten Thousand Hallelujahs!
    I am so excited for you Tonya (:>)
    God is Good!

    I'm with Sally...take lots of pictures and share them with us so that we can continue to rejoice with you...and give God praise!

    Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

  5. What an answered prayer, praise the Lord!

  6. I am so happy that Matthew is coming home today! Awesome news! God has blessed you and your family so much and I am Thankful. It was good to see you at the Middle School today, you look GREAT!

    Debbie Waters

  7. AHHHHHHH!!! I'm so happy!
    Praying for a peaceful night at home, friend.

    Can't wait to see you holding him at HOME!

  8. Yeah, yeah, yeah!!!! Tonya, this is so wonderful. I can't believe it. You are bringing your baby home. Praise God! Someday, I might even have the courage to try to have another baby! Thanks for being such a good example of honesty and hope! Love you.

  9. So glad Mattew is coming home. Can't wait to see pictures of Emma Grace holding him. Prayers Answered, We serve an awsome God! Love you, LaRae

  10. Yay! I know you will have the best weekend ever. You were ahead of me today at the elementary school and I wanted to run ahead and squeeze your neck, but I got stopped. Imagine that! It was so good to see you even from a distance!

  11. Oh Tonya, That brings such joy to my heart... HUGE JOY! I am so glad that he is going to be home with you... right where he belongs:)

    Thanks for sharing about putting Grady's things away for now... I prayed for you friend... I don't think anything can make that any easier... but I am so glad that you have hope with bring Matthew home. What a sweet precious gift he is:)

    Love you friend!

  12. Hi! I havent commented in a wile but have been keeping up with ya'll and rejoicing for beautiful Matthew!! God is good and thus post so reveals that. I'm thankful you shared about Grady's room such a tender post. WOO HOO for Matthew at home!!!!

  13. We are very, very, very, excited around here! We can't wait! We have not told Haley & Dylan anything other than the baby in Mrs. Tonya's tummy has been born and his name is Matthew. They have asked to see you and the baby, but we told them it would be awhile. Just know that they REALLY want to see Mrs. Tonya and the baby. We are thirlled with the GOOD NEWS and continue to say a little prayer each day. Enjoy your weekend and know that I am here if you need ANYTHING.

    We send GREAT amounts love your way!