Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Hey, It's Good...

... to be back home again.

Sort of.

(Do you know that song by John Denver? That's not just some random introduction I chose!)

Anyway, I got home from the hospital yesterday a little after 5pm. It was such an emotional time and very bittersweet. This was the third time I've left that hospital without a baby in my arms...but at least there is a baby to go back and visit and eventually bring home.

I've been down this road with Emma Grace, so I knew leaving the hospital would be hard. I know this hospital stay won't be near as long as Emma Grace's, but it's still so hard to leave my baby and be separated after being together for so long.

Emma Grace was very sweet in trying to comfort me while Gib and Jessica were getting a parking sticker from Dr. Joe's office. I was crying in the front seat and she said, "Mommy, at least you know Baby Matthew is safe". Yes, I do. Then she unbuckled her seat belt and said, "I want a hug and a kiss". Well, you know I have plenty of those to pass around!

It reminded me so much of when we left Emma Grace at the hospital. The Publix pharmacy was closing, but I called them and told them I had just been discharged from the hospital and was on my way with my prescriptions. They stayed open until we got there (can you say super nice?!?). As Jessica and I waited in the car and I was crying over Emma Grace, she said, "It's okay Mommy. Emma Grace will come home soon", then proceeded to give me a hug and kiss. At that point I didn't know if Emma Grace would come home or not.

It is so nice just to be here, but I have to admit that I'm sad my pregnancy is over already. It was great to be in my own bed next to my hubby last night, but I kept wishing I could feel Matthew squirming inside of me.

The girls haven't had much to do with me since I've been home. They've been playing hard with BFF, Sidney, next door. But it actually is a huge help to me that they are entertained and happy. They come in and check on me, give me hugs and kisses and are off again. They just love the idea that I'm home. :) Jessica told me this morning that she slept better last night, and of course, Emma Grace had to agree. I'm so glad to bring them a bit more security, even though they did fine with their Daddy while I was away.

I got up with Gib at 5am to pump (he has to work until 1:30 today) and then promptly went back to sleep. I woke up at 7:30 but couldn't move, so I closed my eyes again and didn't wake up until 9:30 when the girls got up. I couldn't believe it, but it felt so good to sleep!

I called to check on Matthew, and he is doing GREAT! They decreased his nasal cannula flow from 3L to 2L and he seems to be tolerating it well. His feedings were increased to 8cc's every 3 hours yesterday, but they probably will increase them more today. They tried to put a PICC line in him yesterday but couldn't get it (this is a deep vein IV so he doesn't have to be stuck so many times). Now that he's eating a little more, they might not do one at all. He got his first bath last night and weighed in, still, at 5 lbs, 11 oz.

And here's the really exciting news...


The nurse said he was extremely fussy and acted like he wanted to eat. She decided to try it, and her words were, "He took it like he's been doing it all his life". He only dropped his heart rate once while feeding which is pretty common, but he recovered on his own quickly. I'm going to try to get there for his 3pm feeding, and if he's doing well, we are going to try to put him to the breast.

In other really exciting news...

Jessica held him for the first time yesterday, and he opened his eyes for the first time while in her arms! It was absolutely precious, and the smile on her face couldn't have been bigger. She was beyond herself with excitement as that was one of the big questions she would ask me each time I visited him in the NICU, "Did he open his eyes?" The fact that he did it with her made her so proud. She looked at me and said, "I like this baby!"

Gib got to hold him for the first time, too. It was funny, though. I was pumping at the bedside while Gib was there, and I actually felt like I was intruding on a very special moment in time between the two of them. I could tell it was a bit emotional for Gib, although he didn't cry like I did. He told me last night how much he enjoyed his time with Matthew.

Emma Grace opted out of holding him for now. Her words were, "I want to hold him on the carpet". I'm not sure if she thinks she might drop him or what, but I'm not going to push her. She will hold him when she's ready.

This baby boy is not going to be spoiled...he's gonna be "ruint"! (That's a southern form of ruined in case you didn't know!)

That's about all the update I have for now. I'm still going to do a post of pictures soon. Keep the prayers coming...they're working!!!



  1. Praise God for His goodness... I loved all things that you shared... the increased feedings, the holding, the eyes opening... and maybe even the breast feeding soon to come... I love the ruint:) Awesome... he and you deserve it! There is a lot of love going around there.

    Thanks for sharing in our joy over Hope too:) We will talk soon Tonya, and I can't wait to:) My heart over flows with joy that we are each able to celebrate something after such a lonnnnngggg road:)

    Love you friend!

  2. We'll keep praying for you and Matthew Grady-so so so glad to have all the heartwarming updates!!

    Take care!!

  3. Tears of joy! We'll talk again soon. Big hugs to all, Sal

  4. Oh Tonya! How exciting! i can't wait to hear that he is home with his loving family. I have no doubt that he is going to be "ruint"


  5. Tonya
    I am so happy for you and Baby Matthew! He is just precious. I will be holding a spot for him in my classroom. All the best and love, Kathy

  6. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! That is so exciting that he took a bottle! Thinking of you often ....

  7. It's so good to have you home!

    ((hugs)) Nicole

  8. So glad everything is progressing well. Matthew will be home before ya know it.

    Blanketing him in prayers!

    Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

  9. "Ruint" sounds good to me. Your post brings me tears of joy for your family. Still praying for your little man.