Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

No Results Yet. "C" Nursery. Feedings. Meals.

Hello blog and real-life family and friends. I don't have much new news to report tonight.

We have not received the results of Matthew's brain scan yet. I really didn't expect to have them until tomorrow, but that doesn't remove the pins and needles I'm sitting on. I'm really not sure we will be able to tell much so soon, but Dr. L and my friend Suzanne are working tomorrow so we'll see what they both have to say. Not just about the scan but about everything.

I'm not sure if I mentioned last night that Matthew was moved to the "C" nursery yesterday morning. This is where babies go once they are stable and learn to eat and grow. It's the last step before heading out the door. However, Emma Grace spent a month in this nursery because she just couldn't get the hang of eating well. I'm hoping it won't take him that long!

They did put Matthew in clothes and in an open crib last night. He has done well maintaining his temperature. They increased his feedings from 46 cc's to 57 cc's and changed his feeding schedule from every three to every four hours. This is to allow him more time between feedings to rest and be more alert to finish his bottle.

I nursed him again today and he took almost an ounce according to the scale. He did drop his heart rate several times which induces much stress and anxiety in me. I have flashbacks of Emma Grace, and I think I'm permanently scarred from them. I really have a hard time enjoying nursing him or giving him a bottle because I'm so nervous and stressed. And I'm afraid that might carry over to when he is able to come home.


I was so hoping he would be closer to term, not have to go to the NICU and I wouldn't have these such worries. That wasn't in the plan for him or us, though, and I'm still trying to swallow it. Please don't misunderstand me. I AM SO THANKFUL THAT HE IS HERE, ALIVE, BEAUTIFUL AND DOING SO WELL! I just wish things had happened a little differently, maybe even a little easier. But it could be so much worse. I've been down that road before, and I trust the plan God has for us.

I've had a weepy, emotional day. I have Mommy-guilt in all shapes, forms and sizes these days. My hormones are raging, and I'm exhausted. I'm trying not to complain, but some days it's all easier to take than others. The girls have been super sweet and understanding and helpful. I'm so thankful for them.

And one last thing before I sign off... If you know me in real life and want to bring us a meal when Matthew comes home, please send me an email and let me know. My friend, Amy Ellen, is going to set up a web link for people to sign up for meals. I don't want to assume that someone wants to bring a meal and then make them feel obligated to do so. Unless you tell me otherwise, I will not forward the link to you.

I am so thankful for the cards, emails, phone calls, texts, gifts and offers to help that we've received already. We have so many people who love us, and it means so much to us. Thank you!

Please keep the prayers coming for our sweet baby boy. Pray for that bleed to resolve itself with no lasting complications and that he will learn to eat well so we can bring him home and love on him as much as we want!



  1. Hi Tonya!
    We would love to bring a meal by!

    Thinking about y'all-praying that the scan gives wonderful news!

  2. Praying for you all, Tonya! May God give you peace, good rest, healing, and comfort. May God heal Matthew's body of any issues and I pray he will be home in your arms soon!

  3. Oh Tonya I sure wish I could reach through the computer and give you a hug. My hubby and I prayed together for Matthew this morning...and for you too sweetie. I imagine it is so hard to wait on results...and hard to not be tense. That's how we felt when our grandbaby Anna was born with her heart issues...we hated the waiting and the uncertainty. But God got us all through it..and God will bring you through too.

    Covering you in a blanket of prayer...praying for peace to envelope you!