Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Sunday Update

Today was a little better than yesterday.

We've been storming the gates of heaven with prayer for our baby boy. The truth of it all is that it is completely out of our control. God is the only one who can heal Matthew. I know that.

We went to church today because I thought it might be my last Sunday going for a while. Hopefully Matthew will be coming home soon...

As you know, I love the music at church. Well, we didn't get up until 8am and were late getting there. We missed the music except for the end of one song. The verse that stood out at me was, "Healing is in His hands". Yes, it is. I'm trying to remind myself of that and believe it with my all my heart. The only thing we can do is wait and pray. And pray. And pray!

A quick funny story... Dr. L said they would scan him again in five days. Well, five days from Friday is Wednesday, not Thursday. So, I marched myself out to the nurse's station and told him that. He proceeded to tell me it really is better to wait a full week, but he was compromising with Thursday in case Matthew was ready to go home. However, in the course of our conversation, he tells me that the longer we wait, the more accurate the results of the scan. He said that Friday would be better. I asked if it were his child, would he want to wait until Friday? His answer was yes.

Sooooo, Matthew's next scan will be Friday, not Thursday. Gib and Matthew's nurse were laughing at me when I went back into his room. I left with such gusto and came back defeated, buying Matthew another day in the NICU.

I've been reading a few stories online about grade 2-3 bleeds, and I've been somewhat encouraged by what I've read. Many of the bleeds resolved themselves without further complications or side effects. That is our prayer for Matthew's also. That it will get smaller and resolve on it's own without the need for further intervention.

Thank you for the sweet emails you've sent. If you've called me, I honestly just haven't been up for talking. I'm still trying to digest and process it all. Thank you for your concern, though, and your prayers are SO VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!!!

In Christ, there's always hope. I'm clinging to the verse at the top of my blog.

When we visited today, he nursed very well. He was awake for a long time and did great. We were still there for his 6pm feeding, and I attempted to give him a bottle just in case I have to supplement some once he's home. He didn't do quite as good with that for me. The nurse had to help him finish. They have all sorts of tricks they do to get those babies to eat. He finished his bottle, and I left before I got in trouble for being in there during shift change.

They increased his feedings to 43 cc's every three hours and stopped his IV fluids. His IV is still in place since he's a hard stick, and I'm not sure how long they will leave it. He's still doing great with no oxygen, peeing and pooping like a champ. He's just a sweet little pumpkin. It breaks my heart to leave him every day.

I drove home from the hospital tonight and did just fine. It's amazing that I just had major surgery 9 days ago and have been only taking Tylenol and Motrin for pain. I'm certainly not complaining because driving gives me new freedom. This week will be crazy with Gib going back to work and visiting Matthew. It's the last week before the girls go back to school, and I want to try to do at least one fun thing with them. I can't tell you what angels they have been this whole summer and how lucky I am to have them as my daughters. I'm so proud of them and have no words for how much I love them.

Thanks again for everything! Especially the prayers! Keep 'em coming!


  1. Thinking about you, Matthew, Gib and the girls. Sending lots of love and rainbows your way.

    ((hugs)) Nicole

  2. Tonya... I love you friend... so happy to hear this post... GOD IS IN CONTROL... His mercies are new every morning... You are in my prayers... I will try you on our drive to Milwaukee on Friday:)


  3. Praying for little Matthew. I hope that is test goes well.