Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


Well, I've been a boring blogger lately. Can I be boring even though I haven't posted in a week?

My life has been anything but boring this past week. In fact, it has been extremely busy and is still coming strong!

It's only 10:35am right now, and I honestly feel like it should be about 3 in the afternoon. Seriously. Today was the first morning that I had to be at the school at 6am to help with Muffins for Mom and Donuts with Dad. The girls did exceptionally well getting up at 5:30. I was so proud of them. They didn't fuss at all and were angels getting dressed.

I walked Emma Grace to her school at the appropriate time, went back to Jessica's school to help clean up, and went back to Emma Grace's classroom to work on a project for Grandparent's Day. Now I'm home with a TERRIBLE headache and decided I should write a post or no one would ever look at my blog again!

So, here I am.

Headache and all...

This week has been super hard emotionally. I have been missing Grady SO much and feel like I'm failing miserably at everything in my life. I had a mini-breakdown before church Sunday morning and have almost convinced myself not to have more children. I need to pray more about it. I need to get Gib's opinion/feelings about it, so we'll see...

Sunday night I went to an event hosted by our church to be placed in a small group (Gib stayed home with the girls) . I had registered us on-line but they didn't have our info when I got there. They placed me at a table, which was totally a "God-thing". The man next to me asked how many children we had. Well, you know how I answer that....

"That's always a tricky question for me. We have two living little girls and a baby boy in heaven."

This usually makes people really uncomfortable, but I've decided for myself that I prefer that over the guilt I feel for days by not mentioning Grady. That's the choice I've made for myself, and I understand it's not for everyone.

The lady next to me said, "I can't believe you're sitting here because my best friend lost her baby one month ago." Now, what are the chances out of that HUGE room full of people that we would be next to each other. WOW! I know she has visited my blog, and I'm hoping that her friend will gain some hope or something from it, in addition to all of you wonderful angel mommies out there, too.

I didn't end up staying with that group. Most of them were a good bit younger than us, which I don't care about, but we were hoping for a group with members a little more in our stage of life. Turns out a brand new one just formed VERY close to our house, so I'm hoping it works out well. I still want to get to know those people from the other group, though, because the were SUPER sweet! (And let me tell you the stress and guilt I felt changing groups! It was NOT easy for me!)

Buddy started a puppy obedience class last night, and I'm working with a trainer my vet recommended. I do think there's hope for him yet!

I would love to keep typing but my head just won't let me. I'm loaded up on Ibuprofen, and I'm off to rest before tackling some chores before carpool line.

Keep hangin' with me! I AM going to be better at keeping my blog up! I just know it!



  1. I too always mention my babies in Heaven. I would feel awful not doing so. Just another way we can "parent" our children who aren't here, that's my philosophy.

  2. I don't think you're boring at all...
    I called you this afternoon. You were on my mind even before I read this post. I am exhausted with you. oh grief.

    I love you, friend.

  3. I truly believe GOD has a hand in everything...although I really wish I knew the why's, I know he least I think I know he does...

  4. Tonya,
    I am so sorry that you had a rough week. I will be praying for the Lord to guide you and Gib in the whole "have more children" decision. Who knows maybe God will just make the decision for you:)

    That is awesome that you were there next to that lady in the meeting.

    I have to tell you, we were driving home from church tonight and the older boys asked is that Tonya lady coming to visit? I told them it wasn't going to work out. They said we should just meet them half way. I thought that was so cute. Even my kids would like to meet my new blog friends. Never would have thought that could happen a year ago. I have to admit it would have been so nice to have you here this weekend... but I completely understand. Who knows maybe another time:)

    Thinking of you tonight. Praying for you too sweet friend. Wish I could just give you a big hug in person. :)