Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Why Is It So Hard?

I choose the worst times to blog. But, that's when the urge hits me.

Gib is working late, and the girls are outside playing. I should be starting dinner.

Instead, I'm posting.

And it will be short.

So many times, more than I can count, I've been told, "I just can't relate to what you're going through".


Why is it so hard to grasp just a little of it?

I don't expect anyone to truly understand what it's like to lose a child unless they've walked those shoes.

But, in my opinion, and that's all it is, my opinion, if a woman has ever been pregnant, she should be able to grasp a little of what it might be like.

If you've ever been pregnant, you know the love and bond that forms with your unborn child.

You connect with that baby long before his/her birth.

You know the dreams you have for him/her. You already know and have planned how this little person will fit into your lives...from the room he/she will have, where his/her car seat will be in your car, where you will put the swing, where you will put the bassinet in your room, where his/her high chair will rest, where he/she will sit at the dinner table, how you will grocery shop, how different trips/vacations will be, the excitement of holidays, etc.

You get my point.

So, why is it so hard for people (mothers especially!) to relate to this loss? They're the ones who have said they can't.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand....



  1. Tonya,

    I share your opinion. Yes, I've never been in your shoes and there are depths of grief that I can not understand. And yet, I do think it is possible for any mother to empathize... to imagine the total devastation and the sudden life-changingness of a baby born into heaven.

    You are loved. ae

  2. I can imagine. I've never been there, but I can imagine. It would be so awful to loose one of my girls at ANY stage of their precious lives. so sorry for your loss especially as the one year date arrives... we lost my brother in law last november and are approaching that one year date as well.

  3. Tonya,
    I am praying for you right now. Losing Samuel has been one of the most isolating things ever, you just feel so alone and it is clear so many days that many don't understand... some don't want to understand... They just want us to feel better so I think they will be less uncomfortable with us. I understand Tonya. I am holding you up in prayer, you are special to me.

  4. I too in my circle have friends who have had early losses. Yet, they don't reach out. They don't talk about Lukas. I feel like they don't and can't connect with me. Granted all losses are different but all losses are still losses. They are still dreams that have been shattered. They are still a love that will never be forgotten and a bond that will never be broken. I don't know maybe, in MY opinion, because they have since had children, it is not as real to them or I don't know. But, now I'm rambling. I hope today is better for you.

  5. I agree, Tonya. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to see how much pain and emptiness there is (and still is after 2 years) when your child dies.
    It makes me angry...

    Holding you close today, my friend.