Well, today hasn't been as good for our "Little Bear". That's his new nickname given to him by his Daddy. And I love it!
He had a decent night. He slept from 9:30pm until 4:30am again. There were a few times where he had a hard time exhaling, but for the most part he rested well.
At 4:30 he woke up with his awful stuffy nose and another blowout. Luckily, he didn't require a change of clothes this time! I fed him and gave him a breathing treatment. He was coughing pretty bad after his treatment, and he had one episode that scared the stew out of me. I woke Gib up just for moral support. I hate to be up alone at night. It really is so lonely. And scary. At least for me.
Matthew went back to sleep until around 8:30 this morning. He has gotten his breathing treatments every four hours today. He is more sleepy than normal and took a good nap on my chest earlier. He is currently sleeping again in his swing. He hasn't been nearly as hungry and has been spitting up much more than usual.
I almost took him to a pediatric urgent care center today, just to be checked again before our snow comes. I decided not to go because I really felt we are doing everything we can for him right now. Even though I'm a nurse, it means nothing when it's my child. Plus, I've never had a baby with RSV before (Emma Grace was older), and I've never worked pediatrics. I'm so fearful that I will miss something...that he will need to go to the hospital, and I won't know it. I would never forgive myself.
And if I'm truthful, I'm afraid he's going to die.
I said it.
Tough to swallow and even think about. But it's the truth. My mind can't help but "go there". It only happens in 1-2% of cases, but you know how I feel about statistics, especially the 1-2%.
I'm trying to think positive and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!
And TRUST, TRUST, TRUST!
Prayers please...for me and him.