Even though it's only 5am, I don't have much time to post. I have some things for the girls' schools to take care of before I shower and officially start the day. But I wanted to share something from yesterday that was both heartbreaking and heartwarming to me.
We met my friend Leah and her two boys at Chick-fil-A for dinner. Her boys are three and one. After we ate, the kids went into the playground area to play for a bit. For a few minutes, Jessica was entertaining and looking after Leah's youngest, whom we will call L. I couldn't help but watch her and be proud. She made sure he didn't climb up the slide; helped him into the circle tunnel and made sure he didn't get hurt. But at one point when I looked, she was under the play area on her back with L. on her chest. They were both laughing and having a great time.
It warmed my heart and broke it all at the same time...
I couldn't help but think of Grady in that moment.
I longed for him to be here, playing with his big sisters.
I told Jessica on the way to Walmart afterwards how proud I was of her for being so gentle and attentive to L. She smiled. And when I told her how much seeing her with L. made me miss Grady, she said, "Don't worry Mommy, I'll do it with [Dumplin'] too".
*I used these [ ] because she actually used the baby's real name instead of Dumplin', but I think I'm going to wait until he's born to announce his name here. I think!*
She has a moody side, my Jessica does (just like her momma I'm afraid), but deep down she has a sweet, kind, gentle spirit. It shined brightly yesterday. And that most definitely warmed my heart.
All of that thinking about Grady last night spilled over into my dreams. I don't often dream of him, but I did last night. I was crying in my sleep and woke up shaking. Gib was in the shower, and I'm glad, or I might have woken him up.
There's not much else to say.
My heart literally broke for my sweet boy in heaven yesterday.
But my heart was warmed by this sweet angel I've been blessed with on this earth.