Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

23 weeks. Anxiety. My New Line.

Today I am entering the 23rd week of my pregnancy. Although I feel like I'm 30 weeks...and look like I'm 30 weeks...and measure 30 weeks, I am only 23. (I tried to take a picture of myself in the mirror again, but it just didn't work!) Dr. Joe checked my fluid levels Monday and took a quick look at Dumplin' and all is well. He simply described my uterus as a muscle on steroids that is super sensitive to the progesterone that I'm producing right now. He has no reason for concern which puts my mind at ease. Seriously, though, I need to plateau with my measurements soon! I was in my 30's before that happened with Grady, but I wasn't this big this early with him either!

This is the week of my pregnancy with Emma Grace that my water broke. 23 weeks, 4 days. These next few weeks were a stressful time in my pregnancy with Grady, and I'm afraid they are going to be stressful this time, too. I know that I have absolutely NO control over whether my water breaks or not. Worrying won't change a thing. But I won't lie. I'm anxious. I'm not dwelling on it, but the thought is there. The fear is there. I brush it aside, but it always surfaces again, stronger at times than others.

But there again, I think about it ALL. Because, honestly, I've lived it. And when you've been there and experienced it, you can't help but think about it. I think about this baby living; I think about this baby dying. I think about carrying him to full-term; I think about delivering him prematurely. These have all been my reality in the past. I want to believe and hope for a healthy baby to bring home at the end of all of this. I want to trust in God's sovereign plan for our lives and Dumplin's. But there are no guarantees. No one knows that better than me. But one thing I am guaranteed, and know for sure, is that there is a higher power in control, and his name is God. And I trust Him. And I believe in Him. And I know that whatever the outcome of this pregnancy, He is good and faithful and loves me.

Dr. Joe is monitoring me closely and performing tests that typically aren't done this early, just to be sure. I know that I'm in good hands all around. But I sure could use some prayers for this anxiety-ridden time which I'm afraid won't pass too quickly.

And speaking of Dr. Joe, I told him on Monday that if one more person asks me if I'm having twins I might tear their head off. He laughed and said, "Well, what you should say, as a matter of fact I'm having triplets".

That's my new line. I love it! And I'm seriously going to use it. Of course, I will go on to tell people the truth. But I don't even answer the question of when my due date is straight-up. Nope. 'Cuz if I told people my due date is September 1st, their mouths would seriously drop open, more than they already do. So my standard answer to that question is that I will have a c-section on August 4th. Which is absolutely the truth...if things go according to plan...

On a different note, I was so excited to get a pedicure this morning! I got a fungus when I was pregnant with Grady and swore I would never get one professionally again. Well, considering that I have a hard time tying my shoes, my toes were in desperate need of attention! I went to the salon where I have my hair done. There is one lady and one basin who works out of it which is exactly what I wanted. My feet feel soft and look much's the little things that make a difference for us women, huh?

And one more thing, Jessica pitched three innings in her softball game last night. And I must say, she did great! They still lost, but she had her "game-on" and made some great catches and good plays. We were proud of her, but the more important thing is that she was proud of herself (in a humble way).

I hope you're having a great day from wherever you're reading! The weather is beautiful here, although it's going to be hot! I won't be spending too much time outside today.



  1. I've been thinking of you and praying for you knowing that this pregnancy is probably very scary for you. I know things are going to work out just fine. Keep up the positive thoughts!

  2. Tonya, I know that you are scared. I am too, and I'm not even pregnant! But you are truly one of the bravest women that I have ever met, and I pray that God will carry you through these next few weeks and months. Your trust in God is inspirational. I think of you and pray for your often.

  3. I can imagine the emotions can be overwhelming. I have worried about some of these things and we aren't even pregnant! Praying for y'all!

  4. I think you look great!!

    Still thinking about you and praying for your precious baby boy.