Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Friday, November 6, 2009

One Year Ago - November 6, 2008

You must be praying for me... If so, thanks!

Today was hard but definitely better than yesterday. This roller coaster of grief continues. I am honestly dreading next week. Especially Wednesday and Thursday. Everyone tells me that the anticipation is worse than the actual day.

That remains to be seen.

Well, today, one year ago, was my first full day of bed rest.

I was supposed to meet my friend Andrea for breakfast at the Waffle House.

Do you have those where you are?

If not, I'm so sorry. 'Cuz you're missin' out on some really good but no-good-for-you food!

I had been craving a waffle, bacon and some hash browns scattered, smothered and covered (translation: scattered with onions in them and cheese on top!) I called her the day before, when bed rest was ordered, to say sorry, but I wouldn't be meeting her.

Never fear!

She showed up with exactly what I wanted! I sat in the recliner and she on the sofa, talking and laughing about who-knows-what. I specifically remember talking about how we couldn't believe the time for Grady to be born was so close. How different a little boy would be. How well the pregnancy had gone. Thankful to be so far before being put on bed rest. And so on.

Nurses really are the worst patients. I asked her to bring me her blood pressure cuff because I wanted to keep a close eye on it. I don't know how I didn't run the batteries down because I checked it ALL the time. It was fine. Every time. All the way through until the day he was born.

My blood work came back normal. No pre-eclampsia. Yippee!

So, this day I ate. I laughed. I rested. Caught up on some Oprah and Grey's that I had DVR'd. Rotated between the recliner and the sofa. Wrote some thank you notes. Snuggled in the recliner with Emma Grace once she was home from school - we colored, read, watched Noggin.

If you haven't read this post about "Premonition or Paranoia?" you should. It comes back to me now as I'm writing this.

Honestly, with every thank you note that I wrote to my friends, especially Gib's co-workers, I thought, "Is he really gonna be here to enjoy that entertainment center" or "Will he really get to wear those cute clothes?", "Will I really get to use these things?" Every time I wrote something, there was a pang in my chest. A turn of my stomach. I literally hesitated to write the words I wrote.


That's about all that happened on this day one year ago. At least that I can remember!


I'm trying find something fun to do outdoors with the girls tomorrow. Gib has to study for the GRE, and the weather has been too beautiful to stay inside. I was going to take them to the Botanical Gardens in Athens (it's free and I've heard it's beautiful). Problem is the Georgia Bulldogs are playing not far from there. Probably not a good idea. I know they want to go to Target, so I guess we'll see where we end up.


1 comment:

  1. Tonya,
    I love you friend. You are on my mind so much. I am praying for the Lord to bless you with a beautiful day with your precious girls. Praying for the Lord to comfort your heart as you move forward each day this week. He will NEVER leave you or forsake you... so He is there with you. Cling to Him through it all... He can take it, all that you are feeling... He already knows you are feeling it anyway right:)? I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you.

    Heading out to the Chili Cook Off in an hour:) Thinking of Samuel and Grady too:)