I've tried to keep a smile on my face this week, but truth be told, it's been a hard one emotionally. So many things that aren't all major but have piled up to be a big pile of emotional junk.
I'll try to be brief, as I know I'll visit each of these topics again in the weeks to come.
My week started out with an insensitive encounter with a doctor. Read about it here if you missed it.
I have been running in circles trying to get a CBRSB for Grady. That is a Certificate of Birth Resulting in Stillbirth. Because Grady never took a breath, he doesn't get a birth certificate. I was also told that he wouldn't get a death certificate because he never took a breath. The hospital AND the funeral home told me this. So, many thanks to people like my blog friend, Allie, who rallied GA Legislature to get the law passed to at least grant a CBRSB and acknowledge that our stillborn babies DID exist.
Long story short, I called Vital Records and sent them all the information they needed. When we came back from the beach I had a message from them. Called them back and was told they couldn't process his certificate because he wasn't in their system and I needed to call the hospital. Waited for the hospital to call me back. The manager of medical records was super nice, but said, "I don't want to sound dumb, but I have the form in front of me and I don't know what to do with it. You're the first person to ever request one."
According to the hospital, Grady's info was entered into the computer, but for some reason the state couldn't pull it up. I'm waiting to hear back from both organizations to see if they got it worked out.
It is frustrating and emotionally exhausting. There shouldn't have to be so many loop-holes to go through. And thank God I'm up for the challenge and this isn't happening right after Grady's death. That would have put me over the edge. But still...
I went back to work at the preschool this week. I am SO thankful for my job. I am SO thankful for the wonderful people I work with. I am SO thankful that I get to be a part of those little children's lives.
BUT, I'm not supposed to be there. Well I AM supposed to be there...but not according to my plans!
I should be home taking care of Grady.
But I'm not.
There is a little boy who goes to the preschool named Grady. He is a precious, beautiful boy with wonderful parents. Every time I see him, it reminds me of my Grady and the fact that I won't see him grow up. Every time I hear his name called it reminds me that I'll never get to call my Grady by name.
Remember this post about the wonderfully sweet family in my subdivision? We shared the same due date...I thought she was having a girl, but at the Easter festivities I learned they had a boy...I felt like I had been slapped in the face because I was staring at a baby who should be just the size of Grady?
Well, they also have a two-year old little girl who will be coming to the preschool on Tuesday and Thursday. The days that I work. You cannot get to the classroom without walking right past the office where I will be. Which means that I will have to see this sweet baby every week. Twice a week.
Can I just tell you how hard that's gonna be?
And I don't want to ignore them because they're too sweet and that would just be rude. I can't do that. I don't want to do that. I've always enjoyed talking to the mom. I'm just hoping and praying that seeing that baby on a regular basis will be part of my healing and won't contribute more to my hurting heart. The encounters are inevitable...might as well embrace them and make the best of them, right? Easier said than done, but I'll give it my best shot at least.
I am always anxious about school starting and who the girls' teacher(s) will be. I'm extremely sad that Emma Grace is starting Kindergarten, so all of that added together was heavy yesterday.
BUT, Emma Grace has a wonderfully sweet teacher and para pro. They both gave me the impression that they are Christians. Her teacher was named teacher of the year two years ago. She not only won for the school but the district too.
Jessica also got a great teacher who everyone says is very good and very sweet. The nice thing about this class is that she's self-contained, which means she has only one teacher. She won't be switching between two teachers like she has done the last two years.
I also learned yesterday that there are no bus monitors on the buses this year. I didn't much like that. I have always driven Jessica to school in the mornings, and she rides the bus home in the afternoon. Not this year. They will both be car riders. I'll be spending the early part of my afternoons sitting in line because traffic is SO bad! Maybe I'll get some good books read while I'm waiting. They're at two different schools, though, which will be a challenge to get them both picked up on time.
I just haven't had it all together this week. I never did my big grocery shopping and have been going to the store to get things every day. I hate that!
Buddy has been giving me a run for my money. He's all puppy, that's for sure. He did GREAT the first few days with not having accidents in the house, but the last few days have been different. At least he's confined to the kitchen and breakfast room so it's easier to clean. But I'm ready to let him roam around the house more and be a true part of the family. We're just not at that point yet. He is doing great in his crate, though. He will go in there to get a toy or just lay down, even when we are home. I'm thankful for that!
I'm not sure what we'll do this last weekend before school starts. It's been very rainy here, so I guess much of it depends on the weather. The girls and I are off to shop today for school supplies and a few clothes. It's tax-free weekend, so I'm sure the stores are going to be super crowded.
That's about it. Not as brief as I hoped, but thanks for hanging in with me if you're still reading!
Have a great weekend!