When I was planning Grady's remembrance service in January, 2009, I had an idea of what I wanted. That was one of the advantages of not doing a service right away. The shock had somewhat worn off, and I was in a better place to plan emotionally. Not great, but better.
I did not have a blog then, but I had found a great group of women on a stillbirth message board. I sat for literally hours after Grady went to heaven and read stories of other losses. Although my heart broke with each story I read, in a twisted way, it brought me comfort. I guess just to know I wasn't alone. I posted a discussion to ask others how they had celebrated/remembered their precious babies' lives.
I knew that I wanted to read a poem, but it couldn't be just any poem. It had to feel right and express what I was feeling in my heart. I had already written a letter. I couldn't muster a poem, too. A sweet angel mommy suggested the following, which I was able to choke through and read in its entirety. I keep a copy of it in my Bible and saw it last night...hence the inspiration for this post today. (I just found out it's actually not a poem but a song)
"Angel Unaware" by Shari Buie & Tamara Miller
Oh, the longing we both had
To be your mommy and your dad.
We put our hopes and dreams in you,
He hoped for pink, I dreamed of blue.
But for you God had a different plan
One we may never understand.
We were visited by an angel
Though we didn't know it then.
You were the answer to our prayer
Our Angel Unaware.
We hardly got to say hello
Before we had to let you go.
God breathed your name and called you home
So briefly here, so quickly gone.
But in the stillness of the night
My empty arms still hold you tight.
In my mind I see you running,
Chasing bees and butterflies.
Soft hair gently blowing,
Healthy cheeks, laughing eyes.
In the quietness of the morning
When the mist hangs in the air,
I hold you close within my heart -
My Angel Unaware.
How can I miss someone so much
I barely had the chance to touch.
Yet as you grew inside of me
I learned how strong a love could be.
I knew you for a lifetime
I'll love you all of mine.
I asked Jessica and Emma Grace if they wanted to write something to read at his service. To my surprise, Jessica not only wrote something, but she actually read it when she lit her candle for him. She's very shy, and granted there weren't that many people here, I really thought she would chicken out...but she didn't! I was SO proud of her! Here is what she wrote (unedited from her copy - it's much more special that way).
My Little Brother
Roses are red vilotes are
Blue you are my sweetie
Pie and I love you
You comfort me when stuff
is bad and even when it is
You mean more to me than anyone
because you are my little brother
my very, very speacil brother
I love you for who you are
not because you are not here
but because you are in my heart
I was going to also include the letter I wrote to Grady and read that day, but it's honestly too much for one post. This is enough for today. To read the other parts of Grady's service, click here.