Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Mother's Day 2009

Mother's Day 2009. It's one I'll never forget...

I started, and ended, the day with very mixed emotions. Bittersweet it was. Loving on Jessica and Emma Grace. Missing Grady and wishing he was here to love on, too.

We got up and went to church. The sermon was on love, how to love better and how God loves us just because He does. We don't do anything to make Him love us. He just does. 1 John 4:10 - "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." The speaker then went on to say, "God's love is one way, at His expense, for our benefit."

To clarify his point further, he used the analogy of a woman pregnant with her unborn child. This is not a direct quote, but he said something like, "Take a woman who is pregnant for example. She loves that baby unconditionally, even before he is ever born. That baby doesn't do anything to make that mother love him. She just does."

Tissue please...the tears just kept coming.

That is exactly how I feel about Grady. He didn't do anything to make me love him. He was my baby. My son. I loved him just because...still do...will forever!

Gib offered to take me to lunch wherever I wanted to go. Since our church time changed for the summer, I didn't feel like waiting forever with all the others who had just gotten out of church, so I opted for dinner.

We came home, ate lunch and the girls made me brownies - YUM!! They did a GREAT job!

We lounged around, and I tried to nap. I don't even know why I try because I am NOT a day-time sleeper. (Not much of a night-time sleeper either, oh well. Who needs sleep anyway?!)

We went for an early dinner at Ruby Tuesday's. I LOVE their salad bar.

Remember in my last post, I eluded to the fact that Gib did something very special for me at dinner on Mother's Day? Well, here it is...

As we were being seated, he whispered something to the hostess. We sat down and a minute later, she delivered another set of silverware. I looked around at my family, with no words, just a questioning look as to who might be joining us that I didn't know about. After all, we were sitting in a booth and one more person wasn't going to fit.

Gib picked up the napkin-wrapped silverware, put it in the middle of the table, and said,

"This is for Grady. This is your Mother's Day dinner and he's your son, too."

Tissue please...AGAIN.

I could hardly compose myself to order my food. I can't tell you how deeply those words and that gesture touched my heart. He made sure that Grady was represented even though he wasn't here physically. I will FOREVER remember that moment...the thoughtfulness...the love that my husband showed me in such a subtle but powerful way.

In my last post, I shared these pictures taken this year on Mother's Day...

A very special someone is missing and always will be. It was a hard realization this year that I will forever celebrate Mother's Day without one of my children with me. Even though it was a great day with my two beautiful, living little girls, Grady's presence was missing and the emptiness of him not being here was felt in everything we did that day.

Gib recognized that he was missing and made sure he was remembered and openly thought of...I will NEVER forget that!!! (Love you Gib!)



  1. A sweet post. You have a very caring and loving husband. I love the photos that you shared

  2. T,
    Pass the tissues please. It brings tears to my eyes even though I already knew about it. Gib is such a treasure!

  3. I'm crying my eyes out now. Your husband is very sweet. The photos are beautiful too

  4. Oh, Tonya, I am crying with you.

    What an incredibly sweet and awesome gesture. Gib is a man of few words...and those were some great words!

    love you,

  5. I don't know Gib, but it would be a pleasure to know such a sensitive man. You are blessed with a good husband and two beautiful little girls and a precious baby boy in heaven with Jesus. Just remember you will see him again someday and never have to be parted from him again!

    Oh, the joys of Heaven! Keep looking up, precious one.

    Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

  6. This is when you know you have truley found your soul mate when he knows what you feel. And yes plese pass a tissue. I love you!!

  7. Tonya,
    I think I commented here but for some reason now I don't see it, I am not the most computer literate person at times:)

    That was such an incredibly sweet gesture of Gib. It just brought tears to my eyes... so precious to remember your sweet Grady in that way. He will always be such a precious important member of your family... always treasured in a HUGE way. I think people don't fully get that. I struggle all the time with wanting to include Samuels name on cards I write to people. I know the card isn't really from him because he isn't here. But he is a part of the family and the card is from all of us. Does that make sense. Sometimes I feel like including him and putting that he is safe in heaven. I do that every week at church when it says to list your children. I always include him, just because he isn't here with me, doesn't make him any less my child. Do you know what I mean?

    Hey I just wanted you to know that I will be praying for peace for you. When you wrote you hardly know what it feels like at times. I can completely relate. Don't you just feel like a completely different person. Sometimes I hate the new me and sometimes I feel like I am getting used to her. I know it sounds crazy but it is the reality for me:) I just wanted you to know that I am lifting you up to our Great acqainted with Grief God... he too gave up his son. Thinking of you!