Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Sunday, May 24, 2009


I haven't been much into blogging the last few days. I guess you've noticed...

Here's a quick (but pretty boring) little update on us...

The girls are out of school for the summer, and the boredom has already set in. Our neighborhood pool opened on Friday, but the weather has been far from "pool-friendly"!

Gib will be finished with work next week. The following week he will have a leadership conference, and then he'll be home with us until the end of July.

Jessica has decided she wants to try softball, so Gib took her to get a ball and glove yesterday. They've been throwing the ball in the backyard a lot this weekend. Emma Grace says she wants to do t-ball, but we've signed Jessica up for a softball camp next week, so she needed her glove asap. I have a feeling Gib will be taking Emma Grace in the near future to get her a glove, too!

We are getting our grass-fed beef tomorrow. My family, and two others on my street, are sharing a half of a cow. We've never done this before, but this type of beef is MUCH healthier and leaner than other beef. I'm looking forward to having healthy beef in the deep freezer whenever we want it!

I'm still trying to find a vacation spot that we like that is within our budget. I know if I keep looking, I'll find one, but it takes SO much time!

And last but not least, if you have time, please pray for me, AGAIN! Without divulging too much info, let's just say that tensions are running high in my house, communication is at an all-time low, and EVERYTHING is driving me CRAZY! I feel like I'm a walking time-bomb that will explode any minute. Satan is filling my head with a bunch of lies, and I feel like I'm in a constant, internal spiritual warfare. It is most unsettling, heartbreaking and nerve-wracking.

I have many things to blog about like, "a huge leap in a baby step", "the boy with the balloon of hope", "a picture that touched my heart" and "an unexpected gift". Stay tuned and check back...hopefully I'll get my "blog-groove" back soon!

Hope you're having a fun-filled weekend!



  1. Tonya,
    I struggled exactly as you are around the 5.5-7 months mark, so I will be praying. I know you guys are far away, but have you thought about going to Faith's Lodge for a vacation. you'd have to check their schedule on the website, But maybe you need to do something totally different. I'll be praying. How nice that your hubby will be home for much of the summer. Paul and I struggled greatly with communication around the same time, but we're working on it. There is a book, Couple Communication after a baby dies, that might help. It's not a faith-based book, but has a lot of things that are helpful. Paul didn't really understand my feelings, emotions, and acting out. I think he thought I wasn't normal. I had him read some blog posts of other grieving moms so that he could get other moms perspectives. That helped a lot!

    We bought a quarter cow (totally grass-fed) in November along with some pastured chickens and 1/4 hog (also grass fed). It's the best!!! We're already budgeting to do it again in Nov. It's expanded my cooking abilities too as I had a lot of cuts that I wouldn't have normally bought from the store. I'm sure you'll enjoy yours. You'll find that cooking it longer at lower temps is the best (crockpot!) b/c of the lower fat content. It helps it be the most tender.

  2. Tonya, I can't wait to read the posts you talked about. I will be praying for you and your hubby and girls. It is so amazing how differently we all grieve... it can be dissapointing, and leave you feeling even more isolated. But Greg and I have both said that maybe God has allowed him to be strong... when I have been REALLY weak. I am so glad that you will have part of the summer together, maybe just the two of you could get away for a quick little vacation. I love that you got 1/2 a cow. We had a church member bless us with a ton of meat from their cow, it has been awesome. I am amazed at how much we have in common as far as all of the baby stuff goes with teaching etc. I so feel for you because it sounds like we struggle with some of the same things. Just today in church when the newborn kept crying and the mother didn't take him out, it cut like a knife. Some days are just so hard. I wish life was different for both of us. But I like to think of our boys up there playing together and my sweet Samuel welcoming Grady just a couple weeks after same went home to be with the Lord.

    I am praying for you right now Tonya...praying for the devil to be far from you and the Lord to make His presence known to you. Thinking of you!

  3. Oh, Tonya. I'm so sorry that things have just been so HARD lately. You know this, but I have been struggling so hard with not giving into and listening to the devil and his lies.
    I am praying!!

    I feel the same about blogging...I want to, but just don't want to.
    I don't know...

    I hope you and the girls are having a great first week of summer. Let's do something soon! I miss you!!

    love you,