Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Up and Down

I've been up. And I've been down.

Emotionally that is.

One minute I feel encouraged and at peace, and the next, the heaviness sets in along with the uncertainty of the future. I know I have no control over it. I know God IS in control. Of all of it.

We did get an appointment with a neurologist for this coming Monday at 10:40am. I was very impressed by the doctor's biography on their website and felt pretty good about it. He apparently has published some articles on the high risk preterm infant and neurological complications. But I remained a bit skeptical of getting in so quickly. Maybe that is because this doctor isn't commonly called on for on.

I received an email this morning from friend who reads my blog. She gave me the name of a great neuro that her daughter has seen and further in the email, she said "Try to avoid Dr. {blank}. He is cocky and does not listen." She had seen him with one of her children. Well, unfortunately this is the doctor we are scheduled to see. I know this is one person's opinion and everyone is different. But I trust her opinion as she is a nurse and a friend.

I am keeping the appointment because I want to be able to ask some questions and need some answers fairly quickly for my own sanity. If I hate him, I don't have to go back. I can make an appointment with another doctor and wait a while to be seen. Should be interesting. Gib is going to take off work to go with me which I'm relieved about. He has testing next week, but it doesn't start on Monday. And listen to this...

I was supposed to have jury duty next week. Right after I got my summons, I called and left a message to see if I could delay my duty. I told them I had a young infant who I was nursing (they don't need to know that I'm pumping...I'm sort of nursing...just not directly). I didn't hear back from them, so I asked several people to watch Matthew. I called back on Tuesday and actually got a person. She was the sweetest thing ever. I told her my situation, and she removed me from my duty! She even said that if my name gets pulled again and I'm still nursing just to call her back and she will take me off again. It all worked out with Matthew's appointment being next week. However, if I hadn't already asked to be relieved, I certainly would have called after learning of the appointment time.

That's about all for now. I have several posts brewing in my brain, but they are very time and emotion-involved. Thanks again for the sweet comments, emails and most of all your prayers!

Oh, and one more thing, I receive daily devotions via email from the Proverbs 31 Ministries. Yesterday's title was "Don't Overthink It". The verse was from Phillipians 4:6 (NLT), "Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all He has done." WOW! I needed that yesterday (and everyday really!). If you would like to read the entire devotion, click here.



  1. Hi Tonya...My husband and I prayed for you and for Matthew this morning at our devotion time. Please try not to rush ahead and think of the worst possible outcome...but rest and trust in Him. And we will continue to hold you up in prayer sweetie.

    Love, Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

  2. Praying like crazy Tonya. I am so glad you have that appt. and like you said you certainly don't have to stick with him if you don't like him... but it will be nice to get some immediate answers to the questions you have. Praying for the to calm your heart and mind... Praying for Him to take your thoughts captive and for Him to remove your fears... love you friend!

  3. Wonderful Pediatric Neuro at Athens Neuro Group if you want a 2nd opinion and they are on your insurance plan. Pays attention and seems to really care.

  4. We've been praying so much, Tonya!! We love every single one of you and hope to be able to see you in a couple of weeks.
    I'll pray hard today for peace as you wait for tomorrow.

    love you!