Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Tidbits from T

Hello my blog friends!

I have no good excuse for being absent for so long, so I won't try to apologize. Just a little update and some tidbits of what's going on lately...

~~~Fall break is this coming week for my girls. We have no major plans except for going on a picnic to the Botanical Gardens and my hair appointment later in the week. I'm so glad to have a week off from hectic mornings. I try to get as much done the night before, but it's still stressful. My hat is off to all of you working moms out there. I don't know how you do it!!!

~~~Jessica is currently on a very special trip with her Daddy which I will blog about very soon...

~~~Matthew is doing well. He still holds his breath when he eats. He mostly does it at the beginning of the feeding, but occasionally he will just stop breathing during the feeding. Frustrating thing is that he can do it. He just doesn't.

He's getting my milk strictly from a bottle with a slow-flow nipple. I have tremendous guilt for not trying harder to get him to nurse. One lactation consultant I spoke with said she didn't think it was too late to try. I just simply don't think it's fair to him to make him nurse at this point. He's so used to the bottle and the ease of it. My goal is to have him on just breast milk until he is six months old, in addition to the solid foods he will start. After that point, I will still pump three or four times a day and supplement him with formula. It is not ideal, but it's what I have to do to keep my sanity. The love-hate relationship the pump and I have is becoming more hate than love...

Matthew has been sleeping exceptionally well! He will go from about 10 or 11 pm until 4 or 5 am. WHOO HOO! I feel like a new person getting a bit more sleep, but I worry about him not having those night feedings for growth. But I'm certainly not going to wake him unless I absolutely have to!

His MRI has been scheduled for Thursday, October 21st. We will have to be at the hospital at 6 am. Yikes! The bad thing is that because he is so small, he will have to be sedated and will have to stay at the hospital for 12 hours after the procedure to be monitored. I had the choice of waiting until December when he would be big enough to leave after the test, but I can't wait until then. I really need to know the status of his brain bleed. I'm hoping there's no bleed anymore, therefore no status.

I think he has smiled at me a couple of times, but no real definite for sure grins yet. But I'm ready!!!

~~~Fall has definitely hit GA and so have the mixed emotions in my heart. Fall has always been my favorite season, but now I associate it with Grady's death. So, the grief and joy continue to dance daily in my life and in my heart.

~~~I continue to be grateful for those who, even two years after Grady's death and after Matthew's arrival, talk about Grady and recognize that it is still hard for me. I am sad that we will not be going to the Atlanta Walk to Remember this year. I was hoping last year that I would have a living baby to take this year. We have some super close family friends getting married that day and wouldn't miss it for anything. We will be there next year, though! National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day is coming up on October 15th. In addition to lighting our candle, we may get some balloons and send them up for Grady that day.

~~~I took the bedding off the crib to wash today. This was the final step in the nursery that I hadn't done. Matthew needs to start spending time in there and taking some naps in his own crib. Hard to imagine that he will be ready to go in there soon. I also packed away some of Grady's clothes that Matthew has already outgrown. I will never get rid of them. Well, never say never, but if I do, it will be a good long while!

~~~I've definitely watched too much HGTV. I want to paint our kitchen cabinets and redo the main color inside. Gib told me I'm crazy...and that was just about the house color. He doesn't even know that I want to do the cabinets! He will after reading this, though.

That's all for now. Hope to be back sooner than later!



  1. Glad to hear all is well with everyone. And as for not posting, we really do understand. No worries.

  2. I miss you Tonya... I love hearing what you are up to... enjoy fall break with the girls... can't wait to hear about Jessica's ad Gibs getaway... I continue to pray for Matthew's head and heart:) Please know as we approach Grady and Samuel's birthdays they are both so on my heart and you too... Prayers for peace and comfort are being lifted up for you dear friend.

    Love you!