Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Why I Waited & A Belly Shot

I never thought I would wait so long on my blog to announce my pregnancy with Dumplin'. I was going to share the news after my first trimester. However, I found myself in no hurry to tell anyone we were expecting. And if I'm completely honest, I would love to not tell anyone...hide away in my house...have my c-section on August 4th...and then tell everyone about the baby. Weird maybe, but true. However, I do covet your prayers!

We told the girls when I was 7 weeks because I was feeling SO bad. I was grumpy, couldn't make dinner and was spending lots of time on the sofa. I didn't want them to think I was just lazy. I'm surprised Jessica didn't catch on earlier since she's older, but she didn't. They were super excited when we told them and they both promised not to tell anyone. They did a SUPER job keeping our family secret. I was very impressed with Emma Grace because she's younger than Jessica. However, Jessica couldn't wait to tell everyone. I gave her the go-ahead after my first high-risk appointment on February 22nd for the first part of my sequential screen (nuchal fold test). She literally got off the bus that day and asked me how my appointment went and if she could start telling people. The very next day I got a call from a friend of mine who also teaches at her school...she wasted no time.

The news started trickling out in real life. But telling our families was a bit harder. We weren't sure if they would be happy or not. My brother was the first to know and he didn't find out until I was between 14-15 weeks. He and my sister-in-law were both happy which thrilled me. My stepfather was the next to know. His reaction wasn't so positive. It hurt my feelings, but he has since apologized. Gib's brother in Colorado was next, and his parents just found out about two weeks ago, not long after we found out Dumplin' was a boy.

It was hard to tell our family because of the love and level of concern they have for us. I expected negative reactions. Fortunately, there weren't as many as I thought. At least not yet. But, I know they are worried and probably think we're crazy for putting ourselves in this position again. Not only because of Grady's stillbirth but also because of Emma Grace's prematurity. Once we made it past prematurity with Grady, we thought we were golden. We rested somewhat easy, although I still had a nagging feeling of uneasiness (premonition or paranoia?).

There were people in my real life that I wanted to tell first before I announced it on my blog. And, much to my dismay, I actually missed a few people. I'm so sorry if you were one of them! Please know that it wasn't intentional, and I love you!

The newsletter from my support group that I attend was another reason for the delay in my announcement. It is called "Caring and Coping" and is published quarterly. The leader of my support group took some excerpts from my blog and included them in the most recent edition of the newsletter. I tried to be sensitive to those who might be visiting my blog from that resource. I didn't want someone fresh in the throes of grief to come here looking for comfort, only to find someone pregnant again. I am still contemplating putting some sort of disclaimer at the top of my blog addressing that very fact. This blog was started to help me through my journey of grief and it has served that purpose well. But my intent all along was also for this to be a way to document our lives as a family. It has basically turned into a hodge-podge of "Tonya Talk" which is okay with me!

Soooo, that's why I waited to share the news with all of you. And then when I started thinking about it, I realized that I never even told you, until this post, that we had decided to try again. I tried to ease you into it, but some of you had already figured it out! You stinkers! :)


I'm not big on having my picture taken during pregnancy. I am not a cute, petite pregnant woman with just a round belly. I'm a big one! I only have pictures from showers of when I was pregnant with Jessica and none of my pregnancy with Emma Grace. (But that one did end at 25 weeks!) I had professional pictures taken when I was pregnant with Grady by my wonderful high school friend April. But I've already had Gib take some of me this time, and I've attempted a couple myself. I have learned through losing Grady to treasure this time with Dumplin', and I want this pregnancy documented in pictures from this point forward.So here's the first of (hopefully) many belly shots to come. I was 20 weeks, 3 days in this picture. (And don't forget that I measured 28 weeks the day before. Oh, and Dr. Joe's exact words to me were, "You're measuring like you have twins with one baby." TH, I thought of you!)

And this last one...picture it horizontal as that's how it was taken. (it flipped this way when it loaded on Blogger). I was showing that I already can't see my toes...

Off to get dressed and have lunch with my wonderful friend, April, that I mentioned above. It has been WAY too long since we've seen each other. I'm so excited to spend some time with her today! Have a great one!



  1. I LOVE the belly shots and I do think you are a VERY cute pregnant momma! Hope to see you soon!

    Love and prayers,

  2. You are too a cute pregnant woman! At least your belly is the only big part of you and it's a baby! You look great!

  3. Rachel... I do think you look just precious pregnant. You do look big in the belly, but it is adorable. I just got out of bed, and just prayed for you friend. Praying God blesses you with a wonderful Wednesday... the week is half done:)

    Sending hugs and love from OK!

  4. I am excited for you Tonya. I think you look adorable pregnant with little "Dumplin".
    Love the "It Is Well" song that is playing as I type this.

    God Bless You!

    Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

  5. You are an adorable pregnant woman, Tonya! Loved the pics. Keep 'em coming!


  6. I think you look fabulous! Praying every night!!!

    love you friend,

  7. I think you look precious! I particularly like the last shot because I think we forget the little things sometimes like looking down at a cute belly hiding our toes ;)

  8. You are beautiful, inside and out! Congratulations!!

  9. Praying for you Tonya! I get the wanting to wait and then just tell everyone after baby has arrived. I didn't want to talk about being pregnant with anyone (in "real" life at least). The only thing that got me talking about it was when I ended up on bed rest in the hospital at 25 weeks.

  10. I found the post. Again I am so very happy for you.

  11. These photos are amazing and super cute!!! i wish we could get a 4D ultrasound for our little guy!
    Following you now :)
    btw, you are gorgeous!