That's all I can say.
Last week at Abby's service, I introduced myself to the new pastor of the church. His name is Michael. I work there at the preschool, and I've heard GREAT things about him. During the service he talked about butterflies. Some live only 48 hours, some 9 days, some longer. But, I've seen a lot of butterflies lately. Every time I see one, I think of Grady.
I introduced myself to Michael and asked him again what he said about the butterflies. I told him briefly about Grady and the butterflies, etc. He immediately dove into the deep questions. Didn't gloss over anything. Didn't dismiss me and try to move on. Seemed genuinely interested.
It really touched my heart that he took the time to listen and ask questions about my experience. He wanted to know about my grief and healing thus far, what I was doing to help me through, and so forth. I explained that even though I wasn't an official member of his church, they had made me feel like I was. They took me in, brought me meals and loved on me and my family as if we attended church there every Sunday.
I walked away from that conversation with Michael feeling a sense of "Wow!" I had just met him but he had immediately connected with me at the heart level. I felt inclined to write him a note and tell him how much I enjoyed our conversation, how much I appreciated his time and what a gift he had to truly minister to others. I also included an announcement of Grady, just 'cuz I thought he might enjoy seeing our beautiful baby boy.
I never expected anything in return, but another "Wow!" came yesterday. While I was at work, he walked down to the preschool to see the children and gave me a note. I didn't read it until I got in the car, and I'm SO glad! Because (this will NOT surprise you!), I cried.
It touched me so much that I'm going to share with you what he said. I don't think he would mind.
"Thank you for sharing Grady with me. His card has been sitting on my desk. It's difficult for me to put it away.
Most mother's carry their children full term and give birth. Us men never know or understand the bond you establish with the life that moves and grows within you. We watch with amazement as your bodies carry the extra weight and then push new life into the world with great pain, sometimes swearing you'll never do it again, only to somehow forget the pain, and go through it again for the joy of another child.
You carried Grady to full term and were then robbed of his life. I cannot imagine your grief, or that of Gibson, or your girls. It occurred to me that in many ways you will always carry Grady within you, within your heart and your dreams. While I believe that to be true, I hope your grief will not always be as deep and as biting as it is now. It hasn't even been a year.
I looked at the calendar. November 12 is a Thursday. That's a day you are scheduled to work. That will be a difficult day. Anticipate it. I can't tell you how to plan that day, but you will know.
Just as you will always carry Grady within you, never forgetting him, always holding him close in some way, trust that God has not and will not forget him either, or you. If a sparrow does not fall to the earth without His notice, how much more did He notice when Grady's life ceased. Continue to trust Him, even as you question Him."
He even took the time to look on the calendar to see what day November 12th was. He took the time to write me this beautiful note with these kind, encouraging words that I so badly needed. What a gift and blessing!
Maybe something he wrote to me will touch you today, too!