Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Sunday, August 16, 2009


That's what I'm ready for. Some sunshine in my life.

I have two beautiful girls and a wonderful husband, all of whom light up my life every day. But lately, I've felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm ready to feel light, carefree, and truly happy again.

I always have been, and still am, a firm believer that life is about choices. You can choose to sulk and dwell on things, or you can pick yourself up and find the best in what's thrown at you. I've been stuck somewhere in between...

These past two weeks have been particularly tough for me. If you've read my last three posts, then you know all about that. (Just scroll down from here if you're interested).

I attended a memorial service Thursday evening for a little girl who would turn two years old today. 9 months ago, she was diagnosed with AML, a type of leukemia. She fought a hard fight, but the cancer won. She has an older sister who is three, and my heart breaks for all of them.

I don't know the road they've traveled. But I do know how hard my journey of grief has been, and still is, with Grady. Losing a child is horrible, and I'm not sure it's fair to "compare" losses. But, I can only imagine how hard it is for them, having that sweet little girl in their arms for two years. Watching her go through more pain than many adults will ever experience. If they come to your mind, would you please pray for them?

Our new church times start today, and we're going to try to make the 9:15 service. Jessica's small group leader is going to be at that one, and she really likes her. It's going to be a challenge getting everyone up, ready and out the door that early!

Jessica had softball evaluations yesterday. I wasn't feeling well, so Gib took her. She hit 4 out of 6 balls, which I thought was great considering she's never played before. We find out which team she is on and when her practices will be tomorrow night.

Emma Grace learned how to ride her bike yesterday without training wheels! YAY! Friday night she asked Gib to take them off. He did. After a few tries, she was ready for them to go back on. Well, it was time for dinner, bath and bed. She literally cried for about 30 minutes Friday night to have them put on again.

Yesterday, she was outside with Jessica and Sidney. They helped her a little more and she got the hang of it. This was her showing off for me in the backyard last night...

I'll leave you with a few pictures of Buddy. He is growing fast! He is sweet but definitely ALL puppy!

He loves to be outside in the wet grass early in the morning. So, Friday morning, I thought he would enjoy being outside with a big ole stick. So, I fetched him one and put him safely outside in this contraption my in-laws brought us to use. The only problem was that instead of gnawing on his stick, he decided it would be much more fun to dig a hole in the backyard. You can't tell from this picture, but he was FILTHY!!!

That afternoon, I was rinsing a few things to put in the recycling bin. I thought Buddy might have some *supervised* fun with this yogurt container. And fun he did have! So much so, that he flattened it and didn't want to give it up. He growled at me when I tried to take it, and we had to trick him with a treat for him to give it up. The girls and I had some great laughs watching him.

Have a great Sunday!



  1. Tonya- so sorry to hear about your friends. I will be praying for them as they try to live life w/o their daughter. It's always so hard to hear of another family going through the death of a child and you're right, it's not fair to compare losses, much like we can't compare a lot of things in our lives. I'm glad you have the distractions and laughter that Buddy brings. I've heard puppies are more work than another child, so I consider you quite brave. I pray that sunshine is present in your life this week in many different ways!

  2. Tonya,
    Man your little buddy is really cute. I am glad he makes you all laugh... doesn't laughing feel so good these days. When it happens, I celebrate it, no matter how little or silly it is:)

    I will be praying for the family of that little girl... so hard. I am glad you were able to go to the memorial service. As hard as it probably was I know they know you understand their sorrow and grief, I am sure that comforts them.

    I will be praying for that sunshine to return. I feel the same way, I don't want to feel the way I do, yet sometimes I don't feel that I have any control over it... I am just sad many days. I don't know if that is how you feel at all? Some days I can pick myself up, others not so much. It is all such a long process and a learning process. Thinking of you and praying for you right now.

    Resting in the Son<><

  3. Tonya, I'm praying for you and have been thinking about you a lot lately. I love seeing the pictures of Emma Grace and Buddy!

    I'm praying for your friends and you as well- I would love to feel the sunshine too.

    love you friend,