Well, today hasn't been as good for our "Little Bear". That's his new nickname given to him by his Daddy. And I love it!
He had a decent night. He slept from 9:30pm until 4:30am again. There were a few times where he had a hard time exhaling, but for the most part he rested well.
At 4:30 he woke up with his awful stuffy nose and another blowout. Luckily, he didn't require a change of clothes this time! I fed him and gave him a breathing treatment. He was coughing pretty bad after his treatment, and he had one episode that scared the stew out of me. I woke Gib up just for moral support. I hate to be up alone at night. It really is so lonely. And scary. At least for me.
Matthew went back to sleep until around 8:30 this morning. He has gotten his breathing treatments every four hours today. He is more sleepy than normal and took a good nap on my chest earlier. He is currently sleeping again in his swing. He hasn't been nearly as hungry and has been spitting up much more than usual.
I almost took him to a pediatric urgent care center today, just to be checked again before our snow comes. I decided not to go because I really felt we are doing everything we can for him right now. Even though I'm a nurse, it means nothing when it's my child. Plus, I've never had a baby with RSV before (Emma Grace was older), and I've never worked pediatrics. I'm so fearful that I will miss something...that he will need to go to the hospital, and I won't know it. I would never forgive myself.
And if I'm truthful, I'm afraid he's going to die.
There.
I said it.
Tough to swallow and even think about. But it's the truth. My mind can't help but "go there". It only happens in 1-2% of cases, but you know how I feel about statistics, especially the 1-2%.
I'm trying to think positive and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!
And TRUST, TRUST, TRUST!
Uggh.
Prayers please...for me and him.
Love,
Tonya
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
RSV, Night 1, Day 2
So far, Matthew is doing remarkably well with his RSV. He is coughing at times and it sounds absolutely AWFUL! It is a strong, deep cough, but the breathing treatments seem to be keeping his wheezing under control. His nose is terribly, terribly stuffy, and he is NOT enjoying having is sucked out. I didn't think he would do well yesterday with his steroid or breathing treatments, but he did great with both. He is catching onto these treatments, though, and is starting to enjoy them less and less.
His appetite is decreased, but I'm not too worried. He is still eating well, and he has a bit of a cushion as far as weight goes. He was 16 lbs, 6 oz yesterday.
I ended up putting him in bed with me last night because every time he coughed I went to check on him. It was much easier with him beside me. He had a very hard time going to sleep last night, but he finally settled around 10pm. He slept until 4:30 this morning, had a breathing treatment, a bottle, a blowout, a change of clothes and was back asleep by 5:30. And he slept till 10am! And I stayed in bed with him. :) I do have to say it was wonderful to wake up this morning with my sweet boy, with his chubby cheeks and blue eyes, smiling at me.
Thanks for your prayers for him. We are not out of the woods yet, so please continue to pray for him as you feel led. You will never know how much we appreciate them!
We are gearing up for a big snow here in GA. Well, big for us! We might have some freezing rain which makes me fearful that we will lose power. This would mean that Matthew won't be able to have his breathing treatments. I'm praying that he will be better by then and while he might still need them, maybe he won't be so reliant on them. Time will tell.
Love,
Tonya
His appetite is decreased, but I'm not too worried. He is still eating well, and he has a bit of a cushion as far as weight goes. He was 16 lbs, 6 oz yesterday.
I ended up putting him in bed with me last night because every time he coughed I went to check on him. It was much easier with him beside me. He had a very hard time going to sleep last night, but he finally settled around 10pm. He slept until 4:30 this morning, had a breathing treatment, a bottle, a blowout, a change of clothes and was back asleep by 5:30. And he slept till 10am! And I stayed in bed with him. :) I do have to say it was wonderful to wake up this morning with my sweet boy, with his chubby cheeks and blue eyes, smiling at me.
Thanks for your prayers for him. We are not out of the woods yet, so please continue to pray for him as you feel led. You will never know how much we appreciate them!
We are gearing up for a big snow here in GA. Well, big for us! We might have some freezing rain which makes me fearful that we will lose power. This would mean that Matthew won't be able to have his breathing treatments. I'm praying that he will be better by then and while he might still need them, maybe he won't be so reliant on them. Time will tell.
Love,
Tonya
Friday, January 7, 2011
An Ugly Three Letter Word
RSV.
I guess it's really an abbreviation, but whatever it is, it's not fun and it has made its way into our home.
Matthew started with a little cough yesterday. He coughed some last night and it started to sound different. I could tell he was wheezing, so I made him an appointment this morning. They swabbed his nose, and sure enough, he was positive for RSV.
For those of you who don't know, this is basically inflammation of the bronchioles (tiny air passages in the lungs) which usually presents itself as a cold to most people. However, it can be more dangerous to babies, especially preemies. I'm just praying he stays out of the hospital. I think we caught it early, so hopefully that will help.
Emma Grace got the Synagis vaccine against this her first two winters. Insurance denied Matthew because he didn't meet all of their "criteria". Dr. E, our pediatrician, decided in November not to appeal their decision. I didn't really argue with him because Matthew doesn't have the "sick" lungs that Emma Grace had from all her time on the vent. I also didn't argue because he had just gone around in circles to get Matthew's MRI approved because insurance didn't want to pay for that either.
Ironically enough, I got a call from the home health agency yesterday saying that Dr. E had decided to appeal the Synagis for Matthew and they would be back in touch with me. It's a mute point now that Matthew actually has the illness. Truth be told, I'm mad at Dr. E for not appealing earlier, and I'm mad at myself for not insisting on such.
Sigh.
Nothing can be done about it now. We just move forward from here. So, Matthew will have breathing treatments every 4 hours during the day and at night, if needed. He will also be on an oral steroid for five days. Poor thing, it tastes terrible, and I know he's going to hate it! He fell asleep on the way home from the pharmacy, and I don't have the heart to wake him. He hasn't napped good all day, and he needs some good sleep. I don't look forward to his first breathing treatment or steroid. He is NOT going to be a happy boy!
Please pray for him that he has an easy course of this illness and doesn't have to be admitted to the hospital. I'm high-strung anyway when it comes to illness, but as my mom used to say, "My nerves are shot". I'm doing my best to pray and trust...
Love,
Tonya
I guess it's really an abbreviation, but whatever it is, it's not fun and it has made its way into our home.
Matthew started with a little cough yesterday. He coughed some last night and it started to sound different. I could tell he was wheezing, so I made him an appointment this morning. They swabbed his nose, and sure enough, he was positive for RSV.
For those of you who don't know, this is basically inflammation of the bronchioles (tiny air passages in the lungs) which usually presents itself as a cold to most people. However, it can be more dangerous to babies, especially preemies. I'm just praying he stays out of the hospital. I think we caught it early, so hopefully that will help.
Emma Grace got the Synagis vaccine against this her first two winters. Insurance denied Matthew because he didn't meet all of their "criteria". Dr. E, our pediatrician, decided in November not to appeal their decision. I didn't really argue with him because Matthew doesn't have the "sick" lungs that Emma Grace had from all her time on the vent. I also didn't argue because he had just gone around in circles to get Matthew's MRI approved because insurance didn't want to pay for that either.
Ironically enough, I got a call from the home health agency yesterday saying that Dr. E had decided to appeal the Synagis for Matthew and they would be back in touch with me. It's a mute point now that Matthew actually has the illness. Truth be told, I'm mad at Dr. E for not appealing earlier, and I'm mad at myself for not insisting on such.
Sigh.
Nothing can be done about it now. We just move forward from here. So, Matthew will have breathing treatments every 4 hours during the day and at night, if needed. He will also be on an oral steroid for five days. Poor thing, it tastes terrible, and I know he's going to hate it! He fell asleep on the way home from the pharmacy, and I don't have the heart to wake him. He hasn't napped good all day, and he needs some good sleep. I don't look forward to his first breathing treatment or steroid. He is NOT going to be a happy boy!
Please pray for him that he has an easy course of this illness and doesn't have to be admitted to the hospital. I'm high-strung anyway when it comes to illness, but as my mom used to say, "My nerves are shot". I'm doing my best to pray and trust...
Love,
Tonya
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Tidbits from T
I wish I had my camera handy to upload more Christmas pictures, but I don't. And I'm not in a position right now to go get it. Instead you get another dose of Tidbits from T. That's me!
I crack myself up.
***Jessica was happy to take her chocolate croissants to school this morning. I sampled one as I cut them into bite-sized pieces last night, and they were GOOD!
***After I posted last night, I did indeed go to bed. However, my girls did not.
Sigh.
I had tucked them in, each into their beds and trusted that they were going to sleep. Gib was up watching the Sugar Bowl. At 11:30, I heard a noise through the monitor from Emma Grace's room. Yes, 11:30!
I got up to find not only Emma Grace awake, but Jessica, too! Emma Grace had come home from school with a bad headache yesterday. I gave her medicine and told her to rest on her bed. She fell asleep. In the past when she has taken a late afternoon nap, she is back asleep by 9:30ish. Not last night.
Fortunately, they both got up easily this morning. But, they WILL be in bed early tonight. And this time, I'm not going to bed until they are asleep!
***I had a great conversation with my wonderful friend, Mary Beth, this morning. We spent almost 2 hours on the phone catching up. We promised it wouldn't be so long between our chats next time. I miss her living here so much!
***I absolutely love to watch The Biggest Loser. The new season started last night, and I always record it on DVR to watch the next day because I cannot stand commercials. I did indeed watch it this morning, but I ate chocolate chip cookies while I did. Something about that just isn't right!
***Speaking of exercise, I need to get busy with something of the sort. The number on the scale isn't so bad for me, but the flab on my tummy and hiney need to find another home. I'm honestly just not motivated right now to get moving. Part of it is that I'm lazy (honest truth) and the other part is that I'm afraid I really will eat like a cow once I start burning more calories. I'm seriously hungry all the time while producing breast milk.
***I'm not really making resolutions this new year. I never keep them anyway. However, I am striving to improve in some areas of my life, which I might decide to share. Then again, I might not.
***Matthew goes for his physical therapy evaluation tomorrow morning. I'm a bit anxious to hear what the therapist has to say. Is he really delayed or not? Is there a good chance that his right arm may function normally or not? Only time will truly tell, but I'm still anxious to hear it from a professional.
Speaking of Matthew, I noticed the left side of his head is a little misshapen last night. If I'm honest, I've been obsessing over it a little this morning. Has it always been like that, and I've just missed it, or is something else going on that I should be concerned about? That's the side where he has the porencephaly.
I want to start him on solids in the next couple of weeks. I have to get a good food processor and a double boiler with a steam basket first because I'm going to make my own baby food. I've wanted to do it with each of my kids. This is my last chance. Plus, since we are on such a tight budget, it will help us save lots of money AND will be healthier for him. I started both girls on solids around 4 months but for some reason have waited with him. I honestly don't know why.
***I haven't been nearly as productive today as yesterday. Oh well. Hopefully I will get a shower before Emma Grace gets home. Then again, maybe I won't. If not, my goal will be to shower before Gib gets home. At least that way it looks like I've done something! HA!
***Gib opened a Facebook account last week. It blew my socks off. He is the reason I don't have one! Don't ask...it's a long story that I'm not gonna share. But now he wants me to get one. Another shocker! I would love to make some changes to my blog first, update pictures of the kids and get it looking nicer. I really wish I had the money to have someone do it for me. It is so time consuming to choose a background and change colors, etc.
And I still want to turn what I've written here into a book. And I definitely need to back it up somehow. I would be absolutely devastated to lose these memories and my early writings on Grady and my grief.
***Oh, Grady. I've been thinking about him SO much lately. I know it has everything to do with Matthew and how he is growing and developing. How his smile melts my heart. How every breath he takes is truly a gift to me. How I know Grady would have looked like him. How unbelievably thankful I am for Matthew...I cannot imagine my life without him, nor can I remember what I did before him.
***I've been going through Matthew's drawers, taking out clothes that he has already outgrown. The ones that were originally Grady's are going into a bag to eventually be stored in a plastic container. I made sure that Matthew wore everything of his brother's at least once. I know I should donate them to a needy baby, but I honestly don't think I can part with them. And part of me doesn't want to get rid of Matthew's clothes, even though I know he is our last. I'm such a sentimental softie. Not just with clothes but everything! Just ask my husband. (Gib, there does NOT need to be a post about this, so don't even try! I'll change my login info in a heartbeat! *wink*)
Matthew is waking up which signals the end to this blog post, although I could "talk" all day. Just ask my hubby about that, too! Until next time...
Love,
Tonya
I crack myself up.
***Jessica was happy to take her chocolate croissants to school this morning. I sampled one as I cut them into bite-sized pieces last night, and they were GOOD!
***After I posted last night, I did indeed go to bed. However, my girls did not.
Sigh.
I had tucked them in, each into their beds and trusted that they were going to sleep. Gib was up watching the Sugar Bowl. At 11:30, I heard a noise through the monitor from Emma Grace's room. Yes, 11:30!
I got up to find not only Emma Grace awake, but Jessica, too! Emma Grace had come home from school with a bad headache yesterday. I gave her medicine and told her to rest on her bed. She fell asleep. In the past when she has taken a late afternoon nap, she is back asleep by 9:30ish. Not last night.
Fortunately, they both got up easily this morning. But, they WILL be in bed early tonight. And this time, I'm not going to bed until they are asleep!
***I had a great conversation with my wonderful friend, Mary Beth, this morning. We spent almost 2 hours on the phone catching up. We promised it wouldn't be so long between our chats next time. I miss her living here so much!
***I absolutely love to watch The Biggest Loser. The new season started last night, and I always record it on DVR to watch the next day because I cannot stand commercials. I did indeed watch it this morning, but I ate chocolate chip cookies while I did. Something about that just isn't right!
***Speaking of exercise, I need to get busy with something of the sort. The number on the scale isn't so bad for me, but the flab on my tummy and hiney need to find another home. I'm honestly just not motivated right now to get moving. Part of it is that I'm lazy (honest truth) and the other part is that I'm afraid I really will eat like a cow once I start burning more calories. I'm seriously hungry all the time while producing breast milk.
***I'm not really making resolutions this new year. I never keep them anyway. However, I am striving to improve in some areas of my life, which I might decide to share. Then again, I might not.
***Matthew goes for his physical therapy evaluation tomorrow morning. I'm a bit anxious to hear what the therapist has to say. Is he really delayed or not? Is there a good chance that his right arm may function normally or not? Only time will truly tell, but I'm still anxious to hear it from a professional.
Speaking of Matthew, I noticed the left side of his head is a little misshapen last night. If I'm honest, I've been obsessing over it a little this morning. Has it always been like that, and I've just missed it, or is something else going on that I should be concerned about? That's the side where he has the porencephaly.
I want to start him on solids in the next couple of weeks. I have to get a good food processor and a double boiler with a steam basket first because I'm going to make my own baby food. I've wanted to do it with each of my kids. This is my last chance. Plus, since we are on such a tight budget, it will help us save lots of money AND will be healthier for him. I started both girls on solids around 4 months but for some reason have waited with him. I honestly don't know why.
***I haven't been nearly as productive today as yesterday. Oh well. Hopefully I will get a shower before Emma Grace gets home. Then again, maybe I won't. If not, my goal will be to shower before Gib gets home. At least that way it looks like I've done something! HA!
***Gib opened a Facebook account last week. It blew my socks off. He is the reason I don't have one! Don't ask...it's a long story that I'm not gonna share. But now he wants me to get one. Another shocker! I would love to make some changes to my blog first, update pictures of the kids and get it looking nicer. I really wish I had the money to have someone do it for me. It is so time consuming to choose a background and change colors, etc.
And I still want to turn what I've written here into a book. And I definitely need to back it up somehow. I would be absolutely devastated to lose these memories and my early writings on Grady and my grief.
***Oh, Grady. I've been thinking about him SO much lately. I know it has everything to do with Matthew and how he is growing and developing. How his smile melts my heart. How every breath he takes is truly a gift to me. How I know Grady would have looked like him. How unbelievably thankful I am for Matthew...I cannot imagine my life without him, nor can I remember what I did before him.
***I've been going through Matthew's drawers, taking out clothes that he has already outgrown. The ones that were originally Grady's are going into a bag to eventually be stored in a plastic container. I made sure that Matthew wore everything of his brother's at least once. I know I should donate them to a needy baby, but I honestly don't think I can part with them. And part of me doesn't want to get rid of Matthew's clothes, even though I know he is our last. I'm such a sentimental softie. Not just with clothes but everything! Just ask my husband. (Gib, there does NOT need to be a post about this, so don't even try! I'll change my login info in a heartbeat! *wink*)
Matthew is waking up which signals the end to this blog post, although I could "talk" all day. Just ask my hubby about that, too! Until next time...
Love,
Tonya
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Quickly...
Thank you all so much for your thoughts and feedback! I ended up going with chocolate croissants, thanks to my friend Nicole whose in-laws live in France. In French, they are called Pain Chocolat, pronounced something like Pah Shocola. Sorry Nicole, I know this doesn't do the true pronunciation justice...thanks for the idea! I chose this because it was something that I thought the kids would really like.
And please don't think that I made them. I ordered them from Panera Bread which saved me LOTS of time. That might be cheating, but at least it's something! Instead, we baked chocolate chip cookies this afternoon. You can't get much more American than that!
Before I go, I want to ask you to pray for a special friend of mine. Her name is Sara. We met through our blogs and actually met in person early last year. She is pregnant with a baby who was conceived from embryo adoption. She and her husband have an amazing story of love, faith and hope. They lost a baby boy, Samuel, to stillbirth just before we did in 2008. Sara has been admitted to the hospital for high blood pressure. She will be there minimum 2-3 days and has 5 children at home. Please pray for her BP to come down and for her husband to handle things at home while she is away. If you want to get to know her better or send her a little love, you can visit her here. Thanks.
Off to bed...I hope!
Love,
Tonya
And please don't think that I made them. I ordered them from Panera Bread which saved me LOTS of time. That might be cheating, but at least it's something! Instead, we baked chocolate chip cookies this afternoon. You can't get much more American than that!
Before I go, I want to ask you to pray for a special friend of mine. Her name is Sara. We met through our blogs and actually met in person early last year. She is pregnant with a baby who was conceived from embryo adoption. She and her husband have an amazing story of love, faith and hope. They lost a baby boy, Samuel, to stillbirth just before we did in 2008. Sara has been admitted to the hospital for high blood pressure. She will be there minimum 2-3 days and has 5 children at home. Please pray for her BP to come down and for her husband to handle things at home while she is away. If you want to get to know her better or send her a little love, you can visit her here. Thanks.
Off to bed...I hope!
Love,
Tonya
Monday, January 3, 2011
A Shout Out For Help!
So, I'm in a bit of a panic.
Not really. But I am a little stressed.
To complete their European Unit at school, Jessica has to participate in the "European Cultural Cafe" on Wednesday. She has to bring an authentic dish from a European country of her choosing to share with the class. ***Read, Mom has to make a dish for her to take!***
Any thoughts, ideas or recipes? It can be food or a beverage. Remember, I have a 5 month old and not much time to invest! I do good to get dinner on the table for us. I've spent some time on the internet, but it's only making me feel more overwhelmed. Any and all suggestions are most appreciated!
Thanks!
Not really. But I am a little stressed.
To complete their European Unit at school, Jessica has to participate in the "European Cultural Cafe" on Wednesday. She has to bring an authentic dish from a European country of her choosing to share with the class. ***Read, Mom has to make a dish for her to take!***
Any thoughts, ideas or recipes? It can be food or a beverage. Remember, I have a 5 month old and not much time to invest! I do good to get dinner on the table for us. I've spent some time on the internet, but it's only making me feel more overwhelmed. Any and all suggestions are most appreciated!
Thanks!
Christmas Pics, Part 1
Isn't my hubby so funny! I had NO idea he would hijack my blog and write about me!
I'm still so far behind on posting pictures. I still want, and need, to post pictures from months ago of different moments with, and of, Matthew. This has become our family journal, and I'm amazed that anyone wants to read/see it at all. Posts like the ones today probably bore the stew out of you! But thanks for visiting anyway!
Christmas came early for my kiddos with a huge package from MeMe, our special family friend, who is very much like a grandmother to them. They couldn't wait to open their presents from her because they're always awesome gifts. Here is Matthew with his very first Christmas presents.
The girls got several things, all of which they loved!
Despite my temperamental camera, which is now completely dead, I was able to get a few pictures of the kids on Christmas.
We let the girls open one present on Christmas Eve. They chose which one based on the size of the present. Emma Grace opened a Blizzard Maker (which has already been taken back and exchanged for Barbies) and Jess a dolphin pillow pet.
Making cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve. Matthew was SO sleepy, but he was doing his best to get his foot in the cookie dough, kicking like crazy! I somehow managed to keep it out!
Christmas morning, just waking up. Waiting to see what Santa brought. Big gifts for each was a new mountain bike for Jess, a razor scooter for Emma Grace and a high chair for Matthew.
Other pics in random order, mainly because it's taking way too much time to organize them as I would like!
I made Gib take my picture with my beautiful kids. There's a certain two year old missing though...
If you've made it this far, thanks for enduring our Christmas morning fun. This is much longer than I thought it would be, so a "Christmas Pics Part 2" will follow soon.
Love,
Tonya
I'm still so far behind on posting pictures. I still want, and need, to post pictures from months ago of different moments with, and of, Matthew. This has become our family journal, and I'm amazed that anyone wants to read/see it at all. Posts like the ones today probably bore the stew out of you! But thanks for visiting anyway!
Christmas came early for my kiddos with a huge package from MeMe, our special family friend, who is very much like a grandmother to them. They couldn't wait to open their presents from her because they're always awesome gifts. Here is Matthew with his very first Christmas presents.
The girls got several things, all of which they loved!
Despite my temperamental camera, which is now completely dead, I was able to get a few pictures of the kids on Christmas.
We let the girls open one present on Christmas Eve. They chose which one based on the size of the present. Emma Grace opened a Blizzard Maker (which has already been taken back and exchanged for Barbies) and Jess a dolphin pillow pet.
Making cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve. Matthew was SO sleepy, but he was doing his best to get his foot in the cookie dough, kicking like crazy! I somehow managed to keep it out!
Christmas morning, just waking up. Waiting to see what Santa brought. Big gifts for each was a new mountain bike for Jess, a razor scooter for Emma Grace and a high chair for Matthew.
Other pics in random order, mainly because it's taking way too much time to organize them as I would like!
I made Gib take my picture with my beautiful kids. There's a certain two year old missing though...
If you've made it this far, thanks for enduring our Christmas morning fun. This is much longer than I thought it would be, so a "Christmas Pics Part 2" will follow soon.
Love,
Tonya
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