Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Dust and Cobwebs

Kelly posted this on her blog over the weekend.

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,
For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow,
So quiet down cobwebs,
Dust, go to sleep,
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

It couldn't have come at a better time for me. My days are spent holding my baby, and my house is suffering miserably for it. I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me at all because it does. But not enough for me to spend hours making sure its perfect. It's certainly a choice I'm making, but a definite contributing factor is that Matthew loves to be held! He's already growing way too fast. The time is slipping by, and I want to savor every minute I can.

Especially since he's our last...

It's still hard for me to think that if Grady had lived, Matthew would not be in my arms right now. Instead, I would have an almost two year toddler running around. You will never know how much my heart longs for both of them to be together, here with me.

But the hard, cold truth is that Gib was going to have a vasectomy after Grady was born. And when Grady died, we both were very adamant that we would have no other children. At the time our hearts and minds couldn't fathom more pain and uncertainty, especially when you factor in Emma Grace's very premature birth and my miscarriage. But for some reason, that appointment never got scheduled for my hubby...

And I'm so very thankful!

God had a greater plan for our lives, and it was on this day one year ago that we decided we would indeed try again for another baby. I remember the conviction I had after our church sermon. The uncertainty I felt as I approached Gib that night to talk about it. The excitement I felt when we both agreed that was the direction we felt God leading us in. The fear that then quickly appeared, knowing full well that things might not turn out the way we hoped again. The anxiety of whether I would have a medical condition that would prevent us from conceiving or if I would be able to even get pregnant again. We had never had a problem before, but I've learned that life is unpredictable, and we are not immune to anything.

Here we are today, our biological family complete. Four children. Three on earth and one in heaven. Not exactly the way I imagined or planned, but I'm so thankful for it all...

Especially the dust and cobwebs!



  1. Amen Tonya... so glad the Lord moved in your heart at church that day... so very thankful for this little pumpkin you are getting to hold. I am always thinking about how much I wish I had Samuel and Hope here... it is weird to know that probably wouldn't have been even since she is adopted, but still wish it could be:) Miss you friend...

    Give that precious boy a nuzzle right non the cheek for me:)

  2. Happy belated birthday, dear friend! I am so glad that you had such a wonderful present for your birthday, and I am thankful that you were brave enough to "try again." You are an inspiration to me!

  3. Thank goodness my house is not the only one suffering! Sometimes I'm not even holding him... I'm just looking at him sleeping... and then there are the times that I am sleeping (the very few times...) Maybe if we squeeze them a lot, they will stay small. ha.

    I don't have much to say - just wanted you to know I have been thinking of you and your new little man. Thank you for your sweet comments on my blog. They make my heart happy.


  4. My house is suffering as well...but oh, so worth it. I love just cuddling and nursing her to sleep and then feeling her weight in my arms as she snoozes. It's so wonderful.
    Such wonderful gifts. I'm so thankful to the Lord for sweet Matthew!

    Hey, one year ago this week is when we found out I was pregnant with Hannah Mae! What a year!!!

    love you friend,

  5. What a beautiful story!

    Yeah, the cleaning can wait for another day. Hug and love on those kiddos:)

    Give Matthew an extra hug for me tonight!

    PS- Wish I lived closer...I'm still enjoying the "therapy" of deep cleaning:)