Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year!

How did you spend New Year's Eve?

For the past three years, we've spent it with our friends and neighbors, but the party went on without us last night. Nicole has started a blog so hop over here to say hi.

We took Jessica to an overnight party that she really wanted to go to. She has made some amazing new friends this year, and I didn't want to deny her the opportunity to have fun with them outside of school. I missed having her with us, but believe me, I heard from her A LOT! She had a blast and didn't go to bed until about 5:30 this morning. She took a nap today, and I joined her.


Here she is before going. She is beautiful, isn't she?

Gib, Emma Grace and I went to dinner and stayed home. I wanted Johnny's pizza; Emma Grace wanted mexican. Who do you think won? Yep...Emma Grace! We came home, I painted her fingernails and we snuggled up on my bed to watch "Tinkerbell and The Lost Treasure". Gib watched football (can we say enough already?!) and we were all happy. This may not be your idea of a fun New Year's Eve, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Emma Grace kicked Daddy out of his own bed and continued the sleepover with me.

Gib never takes pictures but showed up with the camera. My apologies in my pj's, glasses and no makeup! (and of course, my Baby Grady blanket!)

I couldn't help but reflect on our New Year's Eve from last year, 2008. I knew Christmas was going to be hard without Grady, and I had prepared myself as much as I could emotionally. I did not, however, expect New Year's to be so hard. We went next door and just going was a challenge. I got there and told Nicole that I might not be able to stay. In my mind, I should have been home with my six week old baby, not at a party. I made it, but at midnight, I was overcome with emotion. I hugged and kissed my husband and two girls, told them Happy New Year and fled to the bathroom. Bawling my eyes out. I felt like I was saying goodbye all over again to Grady. 2008 had been a year all about him. Finding out in March I was pregnant with him. Delivering him in November. It was Grady's year, and it didn't turn out the way we hoped.

I didn't want it to be a new year. I wanted to start that year over again. Redo it and have a different outcome.

Seeing as how that just wasn't an option, I plunged into 2009 and did the best that I could. It held many "firsts" which I'm thankful to be past. At the same time, it makes me sad because that simply means more time has passed since I held my baby boy. I know people think I could have done better. But those are the ones who haven't experienced the unspeakable loss of a baby or child. Who have not been in my shoes. Some did a great job of meeting me where I was. Some tried to speed me along. Some have simply disappeared which makes me very sad. But the Lord has used my blog to bring some amazing people into my life in 2009 who, unfortunately, do understand my loss and grief that continues even today.

We were very blessed in 2009 with our love for one another, good health and plenty of happiness mixed in with the sad. But I'm hopeful and prayerful that 2010 is going to be even better. A great year for our family. A year of new beginnings. A time of change that, hopefully, will be good. A time of reflection and meeting the challenge to deepen my relationship with the Lord, trusting Him and seeking His will. Striving to be a better mom each day. Using my time more wisely. Spending more time with those who really mean the most to me.

I'm trying not to make any resolutions this year because I always let myself down by not keeping them. In addition to the above, I do want to get my house better organized and keep it that way. I don't have a cleaning schedule and desperately need to create one. The problem is that I've created them before, but then I don't stick with it. My social life, including my blog, tends to get in the way of housework, so I think some priorities need a little shift this year.

And before I go, Emma Grace lost her second front tooth today. It was a bit crooked and needed to come out, don't you think? This was earlier today.

Just before her shower, Daddy yanked it out.

I have to say that I'm very impressed with Daddy as he is very squeamish when it comes to loose teeth and this is the second one he has pulled during this break. Maybe he needs some new excitement in his life, huh?

Happy New Year to you, my faithful and wonderful readers!!!



  1. I love to read your blog !! I hope 2010 holds more joy for you and you can get a schedule going. Thank you for coming over to my blog and commenting. It is sad that we share the same bond and how many share it. I wish it weren't so, but maybe it makes us stronger? I don't know. Anyway I love that you sleep with Grady's blanket. I have an elephant of Jeremiah's that I used to sleep with every night. Your blanket is beautiful. Best wishes for a joyful 2010.

  2. Yay! Emma Grace lost her front teeth! I was wondering about that first one. It was definitely ready to come out!

    I'm glad Jessica had a good time at the sleep over. I remember how much fun I had when I was her age. And staying up till 5? What a blast! Now, I dread the nights I don't fall asleep... ;)

    I'm glad you had a peaceful New Year's. We stayed home too. Well, home at a relative's house. It was nice though. It's exciting to think of all the wonderful things 2010 might hold...I'm still trying to live in the moment though.
    Praying for peace and joy throughout all your days!


  3. Tonya... I could so relate to the changing to 2010 meaning we are further away from our time with our precious boys... ugh! I just don't like that, it is still hard to accept for me. So thankful for meeting you in 2009... that was a blessing for me:)

    Tonya, I am with you on the needing more organization... I have really let things slide. It is not good. We can both work on that in 2010.

    I am looking forward to talking. Praying for you tonight Tonya! I loved seeing you snuggling with Grady's blanket and with EG... precious. Talk to you soon:)

  4. My kids drew a welcome sign on a dry erase board for the New Years party. On it, they wrote, "Welcome 2010 -- The Year of Promises." I think they're wise beyond their years, and their little message fills me a sense of hope. Here's to the blessings to come! ~Love the pics, especially you and EG. You both look beautiful! ((hugs))

  5. Wow...Emma Grace is GORGEOUS. Like movie star gorgeous. Like if she were my daughter i might never let her leave the house because boys are going to be falling over themselves around her gorgeous. :)

    And yeah for a wonderful start to a New Year!


  6. So sorry you were sick over Christmas. Just got some time to check your blog. Would love to catch up with you when you have some time. I thought of you often over the Holiday... let's chat sometime this week..... love you!

  7. We had a low-key New Years as well, dinner with friends and in bed before 11 =).
    I hope this year is one of hope and renewed faith (I think it is neat that I'm not the only one who has a 'word'), I don't think you can have too much of either!