Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Tidbits from T

I know its been a while since I've posted. Every time I want to, something comes up, or a baby starts to cry, or I'm just so tired that I choose sleep over blogging. So, here are a few tidbits to try to catch up on what's been going on...

~~~I miss our regular computer. My kitchen table has been taken over by this lap top I'm typing on and dishes that need to be returned to people who've brought us meals. One day I'll get it done...

~~~I enjoyed having my kitchen and bathrooms cleaned last week, but Matthew and I left the house. The fumes were so bad! I use natural cleaners by Shaklee, so I'm not used to the strong smell of chemicals. I took Jessica her lunch that day because she left it at home and when I walked in my garage door, I could smell the cleaners coming from my master bath. The two are on opposite ends of the house. Once they made their way to the hall bath, I realized I could no longer hide in Matthew's room, so he and I went across the street to hang with my friend, Jenny, who is on bedrest...and doing well by the way. Thanks for praying for her...and don't forget my friend, Tessa, with the twins!

~~~Matthew and I had our first big outing today. I had to go to Target to get a birthday present for a party Emma Grace is going to Saturday. I had a few other things to look for and ended up spending two hours in the store. This included the time I took to feed Matthew in the dressing room. I had forgotten how much work it takes to get myself and a newborn out the door. The checklist of needed items seemed endless. But we made it, and it was a successful trip.

~~~I took my Moby Wrap back today and invested in a Baby K'tan. I saw one Monday night at Emma Grace's school, and it looked so easy. I only used the Moby once because it took so long to get it wrapped around me. I'm looking forward to trying out this new contraption!

~~~The one time I used the Moby was last Thursday morning at Muffins for Mom at Emma Grace's school. I wrapped Matthew up and dared anyone to touch him. People got plenty of peeks but no touches. I hate what a germ freak I am. SIGH.

~~~I've had nursing/pumping/breast issues this last week. Thanks for the prayers for Matthew and his breath holding. The night I asked you to pray, I started thinking about what the lactation consultant would tell me to do to help him. Sooo, I pulled out the dreaded nipple shield again, and he didn't hold his breath once. Which was great except for the fact that I still have to give him a bottle and pump after he feeds. Which makes me just want to pump and give him a bottle. Which is what I've been doing again. Because I ended up with a 2 inch by 3 inch area of clogged milk ducts or breast tissue or something. It was SO painful I can't even begin to tell you. I couldn't even lift my arm. After LOTS of pressure and hot compresses and even a few tears, it opened but then didn't produce milk for two days. SIGH. I feel like I'm hitting road blocks left and right. I'm stressed about my milk production and can't remember for the life of me how I produced so much milk with Emma Grace. Enough about my boobs...

~~~Our meals are about to come to an end. They have been such a huge blessing to our family. Physically, I'm fine from my c-section, but I. Am. Exhausted. (Matthew has his days and nights mixed up. Not to mention the fact that I'm no spring chick and things are harder for me now that I'm older. My hat is off to those women who have babies in their 40's!!!). It has been so very nice not to have to plan meals and cook them. Time to get my game on again, though. A BIG THANKS to those of you who blessed our family in this way!

~~~Gib is back in the swing of taking his classes and working full-time. I made him go upstairs to the bonus room to sleep at night so he could actually sleep. Matthew is so noisy and grunty that it's hard to rest well. It was stressing me out trying to keep him quiet and worrying about Gib not sleeping. It has worked out pretty well. The naps that I take up there when Gib is home are absolutely wonderful because I don't hear a thing! I do try to nap in the mornings when Matthew sleeps (not in the bonus room!). It is the best 1 1/2 to 2 hours of sleep ever! So, if you call me between 9am and 11am, don't expect me to answer!

~~~My sweet friend, April, is coming tomorrow to take Matthew's newborn portraits. I'm so excited, and I'm trying to decide if I'm going to be in any of them. I couldn't find anything to wear today, so we'll see...

~~~I'm amazed each day at how much I love Matthew and how much I miss Grady more and more. There is such a dance going on in my heart between joy and sorrow, grief and happiness. It might just deserve its own post one day. IF I can muster up the mental energy to put into words what I feel.

~~~Jessica and Emma Grace continue to be great helpers and are enjoying school. Emma Grace really likes it. It's first grade after all. Jessica tolerates it and knows it's just something she has to do. She went to her first FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) meeting last Friday and really enjoyed it. I'm hoping she will stick with it and it will be another way for her to connect and make some new friends.

~~~There was no softball team this fall for Jessica's age group. They were struggling to find a coach and were going to combine her group, ages 12 & under, with the next group, 14 & under. We decided it might not be the safest thing for her to be up against girls so much older. She has only played two seasons, and there are some power house teams around here. Hopefully it will work out in the spring. I called to get her into gymnastics but there were no open spots. Emma Grace goes back and forth with what she wants to do. They are perfectly happy playing outside and just hanging out. Looks like that's what they'll be doing for a while.

That's about all here. My days are pretty much the same. The television has become my friend, but one that I'm not too crazy about. I've never been much of a tv watcher, but I have to have something on when I'm feeding or pumping or just holding my sweet boy. HGTV really is my new BFF. I'm looking forward to getting out a little more and exercising again, but there's gonna have to be a little more sleep at night before I'm willing to give up my morning nap, except in extreme today to run errands or tomorrow for pictures. But, by the time that happens, we will be in the throes of cold and flu season. UGGH!

I was going to leave you with some pictures of Matthew, but they are turned a funny way again. I'll have to enlist Gib's help another time.

"Talk" to you soon!



  1. Hey!! I have a bjorn just sitting here, so if you want to try/borrow it let me know...I do hope that your new 'contraption' works though!

    Take care!!

  2. You're not finished with meals yet!!! I'm still planning on coming up there, but I wanted to ask exactly what you wanted me to bring so I didn't put my name on the list. I have a few choices and I'll call you. I am hoping that next Monday works for you... I know how it feels to be just plain tired when caring for a newborn.

    I am so glad that you posted today. All morning I was wondering how you were and how nursing was going with Matthew holding his breath and all... but it is really good I didn't call because it would have been around 10:30 : )

    Hope to see you soon! ae

  3. It's so good to hear what's been going on with guys.

    I'm sorry that nursing has been so hard. That's terrible. I will keep praying for you and Matthew.

    Miss you so much.
    love, ebe

  4. Thanks for the update. You enjoy your naps. You need them.

    Also, I encourage you to take a pic with Matthew tomorrow. I think that someday you will be happy that you did it!

    Miss you, friend.

  5. I continue to pray for you and Matthew with the nursing... Just because I can tell that it is a struggle and is bothering you. You are such a good mommy Tonya. I can see you oozing love for that little guy and all 3 of his older siblings at every turn. I can imagine the dance of emotions going on... HOLY COW.

    By the way, I vote for you being in some pics too... why not... I want to see some of you 2 together again:) I think they would be beautiful! Can't wait to see any of them for that matter:)

    Love you Tonya!

  6. Praying for you Tonya. And for Matthew and the rest of the family too.

    Hope the pictures turn out wonderful. Can't wait to see them when you post some here. You need to be in some of them for sure!

    I hope you can feel refreshed and rested soon.

    Linda @ Truthful Tidbits