Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

A Quick Prayer Request

I'm so incredibly tired, physically and emotionally. I'm so thankful that Gib let me sleep this morning and sleep I did...from 8:30 to 1:30!

To make a long story short, Matthew started nursing yesterday without the nipple shield. This is a HUGE praise! But the joys of this is being overshadowed by the fact that he is holding his breath when my milk lets down. This is no different from what he does at the beginning of a feeding with the bottle, although I feel like his episodes are a little worse at the breast. While I abruptly pull him off the breast, while trying to keep my nipple intact (OUCH!), he turns all shades of purple and blue. I stimulate him by vigorously rubbing his back, patting him and calling his name, and he will eventually start to breathe but it's not always without some coughing and sputtering. There are times that I wonder if I will have to resort to more aggressive means to "bring him back".



People, it's very scary to see your baby do this. I've talked to Suzanne, of course, and she has reassured me numerous times that this is a maturity issue and not a heart issue. But is doesn't take away the fear. Or the frustration.

And to add insult to injury, once I put him back on the breast after his episode, he doesn't really want to eat. He just wants to sleep. But then when I put him down, he's awake again crying because he's still hungry.

Would you please pray with me that he gets better at feeding and not holding his breath?

I've tried to stay strong and positive because there is much to be thankful for. However, three weeks of 'round the clock feedings of him holding his breath is wearing on me emotionally.

Almost to the point of tears.


I confess.

The tears have already come...

I just want him to be okay. And eat. And be happy and healthy.

That's not too much to ask is it?

One more praise before I go...I had his weight checked Friday and he's up to 7 lbs, 3 oz. YAY!



  1. I am praying Tonya. I'm sure that is very scary and would make anyone panic. Hopefully time will help and he will stop holding his breath and all will go well. I will keep praying.

    Love, Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

  2. Praying, Praying, Praying Tonya for your precious boy... wow, he is getting so big:)

  3. I can only imagine how frustrating it is. I know for my nephew the falling asleep on the breast was a big thing too. He was born 4 weeks early. They suggested that they strip him down to just his diapers and the coolness would keep him awake. But of course with time he grew into learning how to eat as well.

    Keeping you in my prayers.

  4. Prayed for you and sweet little one this morning.