Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

The Butterfly

I have to quickly share this.

If you've been around my blog for any length of time, you know that butterflies remind me of Grady.

Yesterday, I was snuggled on the sofa with Matthew sleeping peacefully on my chest. We've had a few deer roaming our backyard the last few days, so I was looking out the back windows wondering if they would appear.

The deer didn't, but a butterfly did.

It was a beautiful, huge, yellow one. That butterfly must have flown by my windows at least 20 times. It would fly in one direction, and a bit later, it would fly the opposite direction. Back and forth across the windows.

I couldn't help but think of Grady.

When I told Gib and Emma Grace, they both said, in different verbiage but at the same time, that Grady must have been checking on his baby brother.

I agree.

But I also think it was a sign.

A sign that all is well with Grady. A sign that Matthew will always have a big brother in heaven watching over him. A sign that says, "It's okay Mommy. Even though I'm not physically here for you to hold, I'm always close." Even though we rejoice in Matthew's life, Grady is never far and is always a part of everything we do.

Grady is always close in spirit and lives in our hearts forever.

And his baby brother is looking more and more like him with each passing day!

I was caught off guard when Matthew was born and didn't look much like Grady. Before you leave me a comment, I know he's not Grady! But the whole time I was pregnant with Matthew, I was kind of hoping he would resemble Grady. In fact, I expected him to because, in my mind, Grady was what our boys would look like. (Seeing as how he was our only boy until Matthew) But as Matthew grows closer to the gestational age at which Grady was born, 36 weeks and 5 days, he's looking more and more like his big brother. His adjusted age, as of today, is 36 weeks and 3 days.

Have a great weekend! Hopefully I'll be able to post some recent pictures soon.



  1. God gave me a rainbow once when I really needed assurance that everything would be ok...and I should just trust in Him. (I thought of the first rainbow when God promised he wouldn't ever destroy the earth with a flood again.) At any rate it is a long story...but that rainbow came when it hadn't been raining! And I felt like it was God just bringing me comfort and hope! (:>)

    So I totally understand what your butterfly meant to you Tonya! Our God is an AWESOME GOD OF COMFORT!

    Love, Linda

  2. Tonya... beautiful butterfly... beautiful boys... both Grady and Matthew... I continue to think of you and pray for you and also for Matthew to continue growing healthy and strong and for his precious little head:)

    We will talk soon Tonya... I bet you had such a busy week with school starting and all.

    Thinking of you sweet friend!

  3. That's awesome! I love when God speaks to us in tangible ways!

    I'm so thankful Matthew is home and in your arms! He is just precious. I can't wait to talk to you more when life settles in a bit.

    I've been praying for you and lifting you guys up. I vividly remember what you've been going through(minus the NICU part!)

    Love ya friend,

  4. Beautiful, just beautiful!

    I wanted to say a big congratulations that Matthew is HOME now, too!!!