Thank you for visiting my blog! If you are visiting because you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, let me say that I am so very sorry. I started this blog shortly after our Baby Grady was stillborn on November 12, 2008. Please visit the sidebar below called "Labels" to find the topic in which you are interested, or just read as your heart desires.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I'm Bothered By It

I don't have tough skin. At all! I would never make it in a cut-throat business environment. I'm very sensitive and wear my heart on my sleeve where everyone can see it.

When I started my blog, I hoped to have at least some followers. I didn't know if anyone would want to read my blog or not, but I knew that I needed to write about my feelings and emotions. I didn't want to limit my blog to just my grief for Grady even though he was the inspiration for me starting one. I wanted to blog about other things, mainly important moments with my girls and our life in general. Hence, the general name "Tonya Talk".

I never expected to have a huge following like MckMama or Angie Smith or Kelly's Korner. And to be honest, I think that would be a bit overwhelming for me.

But instead of gaining followers, I'm losing them. I know I haven't been the best blogger lately. I have things I want to write, but I just don't make the time during the day to sit and blog. I'm trying to work on that. Really, I am.

However, since I announced our decision to try for another baby, I have lost three followers and one before that. I logged onto Blogger this morning and my heart sank when I saw that I had lost another. I don't have a list of my followers, so I really don't know who has left. I do know and understand it's a free country, and we can do as we please. I also know and understand that for someone who is struggling and walking down the dark road of grief that it may be too much to continue reading here in the face of exciting baby news to come.

I just wish I knew why they decided to leave...

Has this happened to any of you?

I know I need to just let this roll off my back and not take it personally. But I care about people in my real life and in my blog life. And that's so much easier said than done for me.



  1. i'm sorry...

    i think thats why i had/have a grief blog and a family blog. i knew it would be hard for some of my readers to follow my pregnancy journey...i know, for me, before i had my rainbow baby i would not read about others pregnancy. it was just too much.

    you do what you have to do and i'm sure you still have a lot of readers....((hugs))

  2. I lost a follower earlier this week, and I felt sad about it. Not knowing why s/he left was the hardest part. But you know, many more people read than follow a blog. My blog counter says I've had 800+ visitors in two months, and the number of followers and commentors (commenters??) is proportionally smaller.

    Also, I use my blog to network with other writers, who are all networking too. People blog/read/follow for different reasons. I'm trying to build a web presence, so I'm aggressive about reaching out to other writers. That accounts for the number of followers I've accumulated. When I know of a fellow blogger's book release, I'm rushing out to buy a copy. I'm banking on the idea that my blogger BFFs will do the same when (*using "The Secret"*) my book comes out.

    Your blog goals are changing. Your grief for Grady is never going to go away, but you're moving into newer chapters in your life, and your blog audience may change. That's okay, right? Every one of life's tributaries twist and turn. Different people will line stretches of your river, cheering you on. One thing you can be sure of: I'll always be here for you! And I stand in a crowd of your friends :))

    Love ya,
    ((hugs)) Nicole

  3. i also wanted to add that maybe you haven't lost followers...they may have just gone anonymous. just a thought!

  4. I'm sorry. Maybe it is nothing. Maybe those people are just stepping away from blogs or something. Keep writing!

  5. I love you Tonya, you are so sweet. I can totally relate, for me too, it is so hard to not wear my heart on my sleeve:) God gave you that beautiful sensitive heart, he made you that way, but it does make me sad that losing followers makes you sad. I totally get it, but just don't want you to hurt, does that make sense. I know as grieving mamas we are always hurting to a degree, some days a much deeper degree than others. It just makes me sad to know you are hurting. I always wonder myself personally how my past and previous hurts affect how I react now with dissapointments. I am sorry friend.

    Know that I pray for you every morning. I am so thankful for you. I will walk your life journey with you, no matter where it takes you:) I am along for the ride, the long haul friend. I soooo wish we lived closer. Coming to visit you was just sooooo nice, I wish we could do it whenever we wanted.

    Lifting you up before our Lord!

  6. I am so so sensitive too. I agree with Sara, God gave you a sensitive heart and it is not a bad thing.

    Blogging is a whole different community but a community all the same and in community there will be messy-ness. I hate it, but I think messy-ness is a part of living in close community with others. I get my feelings hurt a lot too. I struggle with the desire to close my blog ALL the time. I know it is ego (on my part) or thinking too much of something that I shouldn''s a hard thing to get close to people online and then get hurt. And not really understanding why makes it all the harder.

    I'm sorry your feelings have been hurt, friend. I notice it too when people stop following my blog. There are even a few people that I know exactly who they are, but don't know why they're stopped following. It's hard not to take it personally (b/c it's our lives we're sharing with the world) but we have to remember that we are ultimately blogging for the glory of God.

    All that to say, I totally understand.

    love you friend,

  7. Sorry! It's hard not to involve your heart when by blogging honestly you are opening up. I've had changes in my readers over time, and it can be frustrating. Keep your chin up, I love to read what you have to say!!

  8. I am still following you. I can connect with your blog because I have lost a baby, but I went onto have 2 more healthy children after that. I can understand why you would want to try again and I can also understand how hard that is. If you ever need to talk, let me know by leaving a comment. I will e-mail you back with my e-mail.

  9. You have a great blog Tonya...I literally check it everyday!!! I feel certain that while you may have lost some followers, that the ones you have (and have yet to gain) really really enjoy reading what you have to say...your blog is honest, it's funny and it really reflects who you are-in short...It's wonderful!!

  10. Tonya-
    I'm behind on all my blog readings and so I missed your "announcement" I'm very excited for you and Gib and the opportunity to lift you up in prayer as you have lifted up me and my family!

    Many blessings,

    No worries about the loss of followers, you still have way more than me!

  11. Tonya, you are loved and very much appreciated. Thank you for your willingness to share your journey with me.
    Love, Rachael

  12. Hi Tonya! I'm still here :) I think that happens to everyone... People come and go, but try not and let it get to you.


  13. Tonya

    I'm sorry this is hurtful to you. I would be bothered by it too. In fact, I'm about to start a blog for our family and am already worrying no one will find my voice appealing. God covers us with grace. I frequent your blog but am not a follower and I'm sure there are many like me. Your honesty, and commitment to God are incredible and inspiring.

  14. I worry about things like this, too. People's needs change. Some may leave but others will join. Just as your life moves in a certain direction, so does the lives of others. KEEP BLOGGING! It means so much to so many people, and your blog helps me remember my priorities and what's truly important at times that I can't remember on my own!

  15. This is one blogger that will not be leaving your blog. It can be very upsetting to see people leave. I have lost bloggers. Not sure why either. I just figure they have their reasons.