I couldn't resist!
Love,
Tonya
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
The View From Here
Tonight, at this very moment, this is the view from here.
I couldn't resist!
Love,
Tonya
I couldn't resist!
Love,
Tonya
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Tidbits from T
It's a rather chilly Sunday morning here. I personally don't know because Gib got up with Matthew and took the dog out, but he said it was cold and our heat kicked on. They are both napping again. I'm alone because the girls had a sleepover last night, so I thought I would catch y'all up on some Tidbits.
~~~We didn't go to church this morning because the girls aren't here. At this point, we go to church for them. Right or wrong, that's the way it is. Matthew still doesn't go to the church nursery (imagine that!), so we sit in the lobby area. There is a television but it's very hard to concentrate on the message. We opted to stay home today. I'm thinking we will probably put Matthew in the nursery this summer, maybe around his first birthday.
~~~I took the girls to see the Atlanta Passion Play yesterday at the Atlanta Civic Center. Gib and I went years ago, but this is the final season and was the last chance to take the girls. Poor Emma Grace had one of her bad headaches, and I had no medicine for her. She was a trooper, though.
Speaking of her, I have to share something cute. If you live in Atlanta, you're familiar with "Spaghetti Junction". This is where two major highways meet, but there are probably 4-6 bridges that intertwine. As we passed under spaghetti junction yesterday, Emma Grace asked me, "Don't they call these spaghetti straps?" Funny girl!
I had not been to the Civic Center since I graduated from high school, back in the day. It was an adventure for sure. I've lived in Atlanta all my life, but I'm not a fan of downtown, nor do I know my way around very well. We made it there with no problem, but leaving was a different story. In my navigations, I ended up taking us smack in front of Piedmont Park. On a typical day, this would be fine. But there is this *sort of big deal*, yearly event called The Dogwood Festival at Piedmont Park. Yep. Enough said. *Sigh*
~~~Since the girls were at a sleepover last night, Gib and I had a date night at home. We ordered spicy Chinese food and watched a movie. I fell asleep during the movie but am gonna catch the parts I missed today before we return it. We don't have dates very often, so it's nice when we do. :)
~~~Matthew turned 9 months old yesterday. I can't believe it! He had his check up Friday. I'll include details about that in his 9 month post in the next day or so. But I was very disappointed in my pediatrician. Maybe he was having an "off" day, but I felt rushed and like a bother to him. And, of course, I left with something else to worry about...nothing major, but something. *Sigh* More to come on the little man...who is really not so little!
He is doing great from his surgery. His incisions have almost completely healed. We have his post-op appointment Tuesday, right after and right next door to his physical therapy location. That was a blessing, not to have to make the drive all the way to CHOA-Scottish Rite.
~~~I've been following a blog that a friend passed to me of a 23-week preemie baby boy. His name is Pierce. If you feel led, would you pray for him? You can click here to go to his blog. He has already defied any medical explanation as to why his heart is still beating. He needs serious prayers and major intervention from God's mighty healing hand, both of which he has already received. But, he faces a very long road ahead. And so do his parents.
~~~Gib is still super busy but seems to be managing his stress level pretty well. At least outwardly, that is. There are only 25 school days left for his work and LOTS of testing to be done in that time frame. One of the biggest and most difficult tests to organize and administer comes at the end of the year (he's the testing coordinator at his school of 3,000+ students). It was a nightmare for him last year...I didn't think he was going to survive it. But I'm hoping this year will be better for him. As for his own schooling at UGA, there are just a couple of weeks left for that. But again, A LOT of work needs to be done in a short time frame. I know he will get it done, and we will do our best to leave him alone. Then it's SUMMER...YAY! (He will still have classes, but they will be online which is always nice!)
~~~I'm not sure if I ever shared this on my blog, but Jessica DID make the basketball cheerleading squad for next year! I'm so proud of her! There were lots of girls who tried out and only about 10 made it. She knew she wouldn't make the football competition squad because she can't do a back handspring. But we were all shocked that she made basketball, including her. She is so excited and can't wait. I'm excited that it's basketball where the games are played inside in a controlled environment!
She dumped her old boyfriend and got a new one in the same day. Uggh. But she didn't tell me about the new one until this week. That girl has never been interested in boys, and honestly, she doesn't seem very interested now. She could be fooling me good, but I don't think so. I think this is middle school, and I need to get used to it. But it's H.A.R.D.
She doesn't talk to me much. This is nothing new as she has always been very quiet like her daddy. I feel terrible asking her 20,000 questions, and I know she gets sick of it. But, I don't know any other way to let her know I care about what's going on in her life and that she can talk to me about anything. Advice anyone?
~~~I got a call from the Chaplain at the hospital where Emma Grace, Grady and Matthew were born. This is the hospital where I'm part of the bereavement committee and would love to be a perinatal loss coordinator one day. She had been in touch with two ladies who have started an organization to support mothers/families who have experienced infant loss. I'm going to contact them tomorrow. As much as I want to do something specific in honor of Grady, this may be a great way to start reaching out to others in a personal way. I will let you know if anything comes of it.
~~~A sweet friend of mine got me a subscription to E-mealz after reading on my blog that I was in a dinner rut. I don't follow the meals exactly each week, but it has definitely given me more options and sparked new dinner ideas. Thanks, Erin!
~~~I posted this on facebook, but my friend, Suzanne (the nurse practitioner who was by my side for Emma Grace, Grady and Matthew), is going on a mission trip to Haiti in June. She has asked for the following items: cloth diapers (you might have used them as burp cloths), plastic pants to go over the cloth diapers, children's underwear, matchbox cars and/or small My Little Pony or doll figurines. The cars and dolls/figurines are to give to the children after she examines them. She thought of them because they are small, and she can fill a backpack with them. If you live locally and have any of the above items that you might be willing to donate, please email me or leave me a comment with a way to get in touch with you. Thanks!
That's all for now. I always hit publish and think of more stuff that I could have included. Look for Matthew's 9 month post soon. I'm going to try to get his picture taken today.
Love,
Tonya
~~~We didn't go to church this morning because the girls aren't here. At this point, we go to church for them. Right or wrong, that's the way it is. Matthew still doesn't go to the church nursery (imagine that!), so we sit in the lobby area. There is a television but it's very hard to concentrate on the message. We opted to stay home today. I'm thinking we will probably put Matthew in the nursery this summer, maybe around his first birthday.
~~~I took the girls to see the Atlanta Passion Play yesterday at the Atlanta Civic Center. Gib and I went years ago, but this is the final season and was the last chance to take the girls. Poor Emma Grace had one of her bad headaches, and I had no medicine for her. She was a trooper, though.
Speaking of her, I have to share something cute. If you live in Atlanta, you're familiar with "Spaghetti Junction". This is where two major highways meet, but there are probably 4-6 bridges that intertwine. As we passed under spaghetti junction yesterday, Emma Grace asked me, "Don't they call these spaghetti straps?" Funny girl!
I had not been to the Civic Center since I graduated from high school, back in the day. It was an adventure for sure. I've lived in Atlanta all my life, but I'm not a fan of downtown, nor do I know my way around very well. We made it there with no problem, but leaving was a different story. In my navigations, I ended up taking us smack in front of Piedmont Park. On a typical day, this would be fine. But there is this *sort of big deal*, yearly event called The Dogwood Festival at Piedmont Park. Yep. Enough said. *Sigh*
~~~Since the girls were at a sleepover last night, Gib and I had a date night at home. We ordered spicy Chinese food and watched a movie. I fell asleep during the movie but am gonna catch the parts I missed today before we return it. We don't have dates very often, so it's nice when we do. :)
~~~Matthew turned 9 months old yesterday. I can't believe it! He had his check up Friday. I'll include details about that in his 9 month post in the next day or so. But I was very disappointed in my pediatrician. Maybe he was having an "off" day, but I felt rushed and like a bother to him. And, of course, I left with something else to worry about...nothing major, but something. *Sigh* More to come on the little man...who is really not so little!
He is doing great from his surgery. His incisions have almost completely healed. We have his post-op appointment Tuesday, right after and right next door to his physical therapy location. That was a blessing, not to have to make the drive all the way to CHOA-Scottish Rite.
~~~I've been following a blog that a friend passed to me of a 23-week preemie baby boy. His name is Pierce. If you feel led, would you pray for him? You can click here to go to his blog. He has already defied any medical explanation as to why his heart is still beating. He needs serious prayers and major intervention from God's mighty healing hand, both of which he has already received. But, he faces a very long road ahead. And so do his parents.
~~~Gib is still super busy but seems to be managing his stress level pretty well. At least outwardly, that is. There are only 25 school days left for his work and LOTS of testing to be done in that time frame. One of the biggest and most difficult tests to organize and administer comes at the end of the year (he's the testing coordinator at his school of 3,000+ students). It was a nightmare for him last year...I didn't think he was going to survive it. But I'm hoping this year will be better for him. As for his own schooling at UGA, there are just a couple of weeks left for that. But again, A LOT of work needs to be done in a short time frame. I know he will get it done, and we will do our best to leave him alone. Then it's SUMMER...YAY! (He will still have classes, but they will be online which is always nice!)
~~~I'm not sure if I ever shared this on my blog, but Jessica DID make the basketball cheerleading squad for next year! I'm so proud of her! There were lots of girls who tried out and only about 10 made it. She knew she wouldn't make the football competition squad because she can't do a back handspring. But we were all shocked that she made basketball, including her. She is so excited and can't wait. I'm excited that it's basketball where the games are played inside in a controlled environment!
She dumped her old boyfriend and got a new one in the same day. Uggh. But she didn't tell me about the new one until this week. That girl has never been interested in boys, and honestly, she doesn't seem very interested now. She could be fooling me good, but I don't think so. I think this is middle school, and I need to get used to it. But it's H.A.R.D.
She doesn't talk to me much. This is nothing new as she has always been very quiet like her daddy. I feel terrible asking her 20,000 questions, and I know she gets sick of it. But, I don't know any other way to let her know I care about what's going on in her life and that she can talk to me about anything. Advice anyone?
~~~I got a call from the Chaplain at the hospital where Emma Grace, Grady and Matthew were born. This is the hospital where I'm part of the bereavement committee and would love to be a perinatal loss coordinator one day. She had been in touch with two ladies who have started an organization to support mothers/families who have experienced infant loss. I'm going to contact them tomorrow. As much as I want to do something specific in honor of Grady, this may be a great way to start reaching out to others in a personal way. I will let you know if anything comes of it.
~~~A sweet friend of mine got me a subscription to E-mealz after reading on my blog that I was in a dinner rut. I don't follow the meals exactly each week, but it has definitely given me more options and sparked new dinner ideas. Thanks, Erin!
~~~I posted this on facebook, but my friend, Suzanne (the nurse practitioner who was by my side for Emma Grace, Grady and Matthew), is going on a mission trip to Haiti in June. She has asked for the following items: cloth diapers (you might have used them as burp cloths), plastic pants to go over the cloth diapers, children's underwear, matchbox cars and/or small My Little Pony or doll figurines. The cars and dolls/figurines are to give to the children after she examines them. She thought of them because they are small, and she can fill a backpack with them. If you live locally and have any of the above items that you might be willing to donate, please email me or leave me a comment with a way to get in touch with you. Thanks!
That's all for now. I always hit publish and think of more stuff that I could have included. Look for Matthew's 9 month post soon. I'm going to try to get his picture taken today.
Love,
Tonya
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
My Mom
I promise happier posts are coming. I'm working on a post about my mom. I've referred to her on my blog, but I've never shared anything about her. I'm going to try to scan some pictures of her and tell her story here soon. Mainly for my girls to read one day. They still talk about their Granny and they sure do miss her...
And so do I.
Four years ago tonight was one of the hardest nights of my life.
I was sitting at her bedside, holding her hand, listening to her groan with every breath, waiting for each one to be her last. She had lung cancer that had gone into remission but came back quickly and with a vengeance. She also had a heart attack a couple of weeks prior while she was in the hospital with pneumonia. She came home on hospice and died three short weeks later.
The day she came home from the hospital, we had a hospital bed in her room and a bedside commode. As I helped her off the commode, she put her arms around my neck with tears in her eyes and said, "I never thought I would get this bad". It. Broke. My. Heart. I knew she would get to that point, but she didn't want to accept it.
Just three days before she died, on Tuesday, she began to decline rapidly. Her pain increased, her breathing was more labored and we believe she suffered a stroke during her sleep that night. Hospice sent out a crisis nurse to stay around the clock with her. I went to her house on that Tuesday night after teaching a childbirth class. I debated on going because it was 11pm, but I'm SO glad I did. It was the last time she spoke to us. The next day when I went to visit, she was completely unresponsive. She wasn't responding to pain stimuli and had a foot drop which are both signs of neurological damage.
I had no idea she was in such a state or I never would have taken Emma Grace with me. I remember sitting on the other bed in her room with Emma Grace in my lap. She had just turned four. She kept asking me why Granny wasn't talking. I told her that Granny was very sick and would be meeting Jesus soon. Her response several times was, "No Mommy, Granny needs to stay here with us". Sweet girl.
The other noteworthy thing to mention is that my mom was insistent that she see the girls that Tuesday afternoon. As soon as Jessica got off the bus, we went over. They both climbed up on her bed and she loved on them and they on her. It was the last time. I remember feeling very inconvenienced by my mom's persistence because I had spent the day at her house (like I did every day), and I had to teach that night, but oh how glad I am that I took them. That was the last time Granny got to "eat them up".
She was unresponsive from Wednesday morning until the time she died, with the exception of a very short time. It was the middle of the night on Thursday night/Friday morning and the hospice nurse called me in from the sofa. She got my stepdad up from the guest bedroom because my mom had started stirring. I went beside her and asked her if we could see her pretty eyes. She opened them and tried to mumble something. We were telling her we loved her. And then her eyes closed. Not to open again.
The weather was beautiful on that Friday, and I kept telling her what a beautiful day it was to meet Jesus. None of the hospice nurses, nor any of our family, could believe she was still holding on. Even though she was a Christian, my mom was a very superstitious woman. I happen to believe she knew it was Friday the 13th and didn't want to die that day. She waited until 12:14am on Saturday, April 14th to take her final breath.
The end was not as peaceful as I had hoped. I won't go into the details just in case my girls do read this at some point. I hadn't wanted to be the "nurse" to take care of her alone at the end (even though my brother and stepdad were there, they relied on me to do everything), but our hospice did not have another crisis nurse to send out after the last one left at 8pm. It wasn't long after that nurse left that her hands started turning blue. I believe she didn't want a stranger in her home when she died.
I had a TERRIBLE experience with the on-call nurse. I had given mom some Morphine but felt that she needed more. She told me not to give her anymore Morphine even though she was groaning louder and louder. I was torn about what to do. If I gave her more Morphine and it helped, that would have been great. But, if I went against the nurse and gave her more and she immediately died, I would have to live with the fact that I "killed" her. Even though she was clearly dying, I didn't want to live with that for the rest of my life. So, I didn't give her the Morphine. And I should have. I still agonize over that four years later.
Her final breath was obviously very emotional for me. But it was more spiritual than I ever dreamed it would be. My brother was at her feet. My stepdad and I holding her hands. My brother said, "She's gone. Momma's gone". I checked her pulse and there wasn't one. I'm not sure what came over me, but I immediately started praying. There was intense sadness but the same amount of relief. Watching someone you love suffer is absolutely exhausting. She wasn't suffering anymore and for that I was grateful. As sad as I was, I felt peace that she was in heaven with Jesus, my dad, her parents and the others who had gone before her.
We called hospice because they had to send a nurse to "pronounce" her and ended up waiting THREE HOURS! The lovely nurse who was on call (from earlier that night) wouldn't return my pages/calls. Did I mention she got fired? Yeah. I usually don't take pride in those sorts of things, but her behavior and lack of respect for our family was heinous in my opinion.
In the time we waited, we opened the envelope where she had written her final arrangements. I curled up in the fetal position on the other bed in her room and cried. And cried. And cried. At one point my stepdad came in and looked at her. He said, "You and Eddie (my brother) have someone to go home to. Who do I have now?" Broke. My. Heart.
One thing I regret is that I wasn't allowed to tell my mom that she was dying. I'm not pointing fingers or placing blame, but others in my family didn't want to share with her the reality of the situation. Their thinking was that if she knew the truth, she would give up. This might have been true. But, I think deep down she knew. I regret not being forthright with her because I think all of us could have had some really healing conversations with her before she left us.
So, four years without my mom. Even though she wasn't always the most positive, encouraging, uplifting person in my life, she was my mom. And she loved me. And I loved her. A lot. And I miss her every day!
Thanks for enduring this. I needed to write it.
Love,
Tonya
And so do I.
Four years ago tonight was one of the hardest nights of my life.
I was sitting at her bedside, holding her hand, listening to her groan with every breath, waiting for each one to be her last. She had lung cancer that had gone into remission but came back quickly and with a vengeance. She also had a heart attack a couple of weeks prior while she was in the hospital with pneumonia. She came home on hospice and died three short weeks later.
The day she came home from the hospital, we had a hospital bed in her room and a bedside commode. As I helped her off the commode, she put her arms around my neck with tears in her eyes and said, "I never thought I would get this bad". It. Broke. My. Heart. I knew she would get to that point, but she didn't want to accept it.
Just three days before she died, on Tuesday, she began to decline rapidly. Her pain increased, her breathing was more labored and we believe she suffered a stroke during her sleep that night. Hospice sent out a crisis nurse to stay around the clock with her. I went to her house on that Tuesday night after teaching a childbirth class. I debated on going because it was 11pm, but I'm SO glad I did. It was the last time she spoke to us. The next day when I went to visit, she was completely unresponsive. She wasn't responding to pain stimuli and had a foot drop which are both signs of neurological damage.
I had no idea she was in such a state or I never would have taken Emma Grace with me. I remember sitting on the other bed in her room with Emma Grace in my lap. She had just turned four. She kept asking me why Granny wasn't talking. I told her that Granny was very sick and would be meeting Jesus soon. Her response several times was, "No Mommy, Granny needs to stay here with us". Sweet girl.
The other noteworthy thing to mention is that my mom was insistent that she see the girls that Tuesday afternoon. As soon as Jessica got off the bus, we went over. They both climbed up on her bed and she loved on them and they on her. It was the last time. I remember feeling very inconvenienced by my mom's persistence because I had spent the day at her house (like I did every day), and I had to teach that night, but oh how glad I am that I took them. That was the last time Granny got to "eat them up".
She was unresponsive from Wednesday morning until the time she died, with the exception of a very short time. It was the middle of the night on Thursday night/Friday morning and the hospice nurse called me in from the sofa. She got my stepdad up from the guest bedroom because my mom had started stirring. I went beside her and asked her if we could see her pretty eyes. She opened them and tried to mumble something. We were telling her we loved her. And then her eyes closed. Not to open again.
The weather was beautiful on that Friday, and I kept telling her what a beautiful day it was to meet Jesus. None of the hospice nurses, nor any of our family, could believe she was still holding on. Even though she was a Christian, my mom was a very superstitious woman. I happen to believe she knew it was Friday the 13th and didn't want to die that day. She waited until 12:14am on Saturday, April 14th to take her final breath.
The end was not as peaceful as I had hoped. I won't go into the details just in case my girls do read this at some point. I hadn't wanted to be the "nurse" to take care of her alone at the end (even though my brother and stepdad were there, they relied on me to do everything), but our hospice did not have another crisis nurse to send out after the last one left at 8pm. It wasn't long after that nurse left that her hands started turning blue. I believe she didn't want a stranger in her home when she died.
I had a TERRIBLE experience with the on-call nurse. I had given mom some Morphine but felt that she needed more. She told me not to give her anymore Morphine even though she was groaning louder and louder. I was torn about what to do. If I gave her more Morphine and it helped, that would have been great. But, if I went against the nurse and gave her more and she immediately died, I would have to live with the fact that I "killed" her. Even though she was clearly dying, I didn't want to live with that for the rest of my life. So, I didn't give her the Morphine. And I should have. I still agonize over that four years later.
Her final breath was obviously very emotional for me. But it was more spiritual than I ever dreamed it would be. My brother was at her feet. My stepdad and I holding her hands. My brother said, "She's gone. Momma's gone". I checked her pulse and there wasn't one. I'm not sure what came over me, but I immediately started praying. There was intense sadness but the same amount of relief. Watching someone you love suffer is absolutely exhausting. She wasn't suffering anymore and for that I was grateful. As sad as I was, I felt peace that she was in heaven with Jesus, my dad, her parents and the others who had gone before her.
We called hospice because they had to send a nurse to "pronounce" her and ended up waiting THREE HOURS! The lovely nurse who was on call (from earlier that night) wouldn't return my pages/calls. Did I mention she got fired? Yeah. I usually don't take pride in those sorts of things, but her behavior and lack of respect for our family was heinous in my opinion.
In the time we waited, we opened the envelope where she had written her final arrangements. I curled up in the fetal position on the other bed in her room and cried. And cried. And cried. At one point my stepdad came in and looked at her. He said, "You and Eddie (my brother) have someone to go home to. Who do I have now?" Broke. My. Heart.
One thing I regret is that I wasn't allowed to tell my mom that she was dying. I'm not pointing fingers or placing blame, but others in my family didn't want to share with her the reality of the situation. Their thinking was that if she knew the truth, she would give up. This might have been true. But, I think deep down she knew. I regret not being forthright with her because I think all of us could have had some really healing conversations with her before she left us.
So, four years without my mom. Even though she wasn't always the most positive, encouraging, uplifting person in my life, she was my mom. And she loved me. And I loved her. A lot. And I miss her every day!
Thanks for enduring this. I needed to write it.
Love,
Tonya
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
It's Late and I'm Overcome...
...with emotion.
This will be short as it is late, and I need to go to bed. But, my heart is heavy right now, and I just need to share. Maybe it will feel a little lighter if I do.
Matthew is having a hard time settling tonight. I think his tummy hurts. I just went to his room and he needed more than just his paci. He needed some cuddling. Apparently, I did, too.
As I was rocking him, I was overcome with emotion. The wonderful weight of him on my chest. The fullness of his sweet self in my arms. The tears welled up in my eyes.
This was not always the case. I sat many nights in his room in that same rocking chair, rocking and longing for my Baby Grady. Missing his weight and breath on me. Arms empty and aching for him.
Tonight, I am so thankful for the gift of Matthew's life. For the joy and healing he has brought to my heart. For a God who created him, fearfully and wonderfully, to be part of our earthly family.
But, even among the happiness and love I feel for him, I can't help but remember the times when things were different. I still miss my first born boy. Even though he was still, he was still born. He was a person. His life mattered, even though he didn't live outside of me. He left a hole in my heart that belongs to him and him alone.
I don't take these moments with Matthew for granted. Not for one second.
But, my heart is heavy, for I know there are too many moms rocking in rocking chairs tonight with empty, aching arms. Tears streaming down their face.
And it simply breaks my heart.
I was that mom. And the pain of such loss still stings. And it never goes away. And I never forget. And I never want to...
Love,
Tonya
This will be short as it is late, and I need to go to bed. But, my heart is heavy right now, and I just need to share. Maybe it will feel a little lighter if I do.
Matthew is having a hard time settling tonight. I think his tummy hurts. I just went to his room and he needed more than just his paci. He needed some cuddling. Apparently, I did, too.
As I was rocking him, I was overcome with emotion. The wonderful weight of him on my chest. The fullness of his sweet self in my arms. The tears welled up in my eyes.
This was not always the case. I sat many nights in his room in that same rocking chair, rocking and longing for my Baby Grady. Missing his weight and breath on me. Arms empty and aching for him.
Tonight, I am so thankful for the gift of Matthew's life. For the joy and healing he has brought to my heart. For a God who created him, fearfully and wonderfully, to be part of our earthly family.
But, even among the happiness and love I feel for him, I can't help but remember the times when things were different. I still miss my first born boy. Even though he was still, he was still born. He was a person. His life mattered, even though he didn't live outside of me. He left a hole in my heart that belongs to him and him alone.
I don't take these moments with Matthew for granted. Not for one second.
But, my heart is heavy, for I know there are too many moms rocking in rocking chairs tonight with empty, aching arms. Tears streaming down their face.
And it simply breaks my heart.
I was that mom. And the pain of such loss still stings. And it never goes away. And I never forget. And I never want to...
Love,
Tonya
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
More on Matthew
It's amazing to think that one year ago yesterday, we found out that Matthew was a boy, and I announced on my blog that I was pregnant with him.
When I look at this picture, I see someone who wasn't even sure her baby would live. And someone who certainly never thought the baby she was carrying would be having surgery exactly one year later.
I am amazed by Matthew and how well he is doing. He woke up at 8:30 last night, took some Tylenol, drank a bottle, ate some applesauce and hung out with us until about 10:30. He had a breathing treatment (it's a prophylactic thing since he had RSV and the breathing tube can irritate his airway), another bottle and that sweet baby slept till 7:30 this morning!
He woke up his normal happy self. Took more Tylenol, had a bottle and was back asleep around 8:45. It is currently 10:06 and he's still sleeping. (Update: he woke up at 10:30ish. He took a bottle and we played for a while and he's back down now for another nap. I would NEVER know he had surgery yesterday. Amazing! So thankful!)
He can't be on any straddle toys for 5 days, which means no exercauser for him. He is going to be so excited when he gets back in it...he loves that thing! We sat in the floor and played this morning, and thankfully, he still enjoys just being on his back to play, rolling from side to side. Hopefully by the time we go back to physical therapy next week, he will be sitting up pretty good. Hopefully! He's getting better each day.
I'm so thankful for the anesthesiologist we had yesterday. She was very conservative and she even used the word "obsessive" to describe herself. Love that! She was an older woman who has been doing this 30+ years. She brought up some great points about Matthew's hole in his heart (PFO - patent foramen ovale). She said we should discuss with his cardiologist the possibility of an air bubble in IV tubing getting through his PFO. She "de-bubbled" his tubing to the n'th degree, but it's something I never would have thought of on my own. She also had the surgeon use a local pain medication, instead of doing an epidural/caudal block, for longer pain relief post op. She didn't want to introduce anything into his spinal column or take a chance with his porencephaly. I was literally in tears because she was so thorough and careful with him. The anesthesia was my biggest worry of this surgery, and after meeting with her, my mind was at ease. I was so very thankful for that.
I was also thankful that I talked to the surgeon about checking Matthew's right side, too. I had noticed that his sac was bigger on the left and right as the day progressed. The left was definitely bigger, but it made me a bit suspicious. I hated the thought of Matthew having an extra incision just for the sake of exploration, so needless to say, it felt good when there actually was a problem...justification for the extra cutting. I certainly didn't want him to have to go through this again later down the road!
That about sums it up for now. The weather here is beautiful, and the winds have finally calmed down. I'm sure lots of time will be spent outside the rest of this spring break week. Will try to post again soon. Thanks again for your prayers!
Love,
Tonya
When I look at this picture, I see someone who wasn't even sure her baby would live. And someone who certainly never thought the baby she was carrying would be having surgery exactly one year later.
I am amazed by Matthew and how well he is doing. He woke up at 8:30 last night, took some Tylenol, drank a bottle, ate some applesauce and hung out with us until about 10:30. He had a breathing treatment (it's a prophylactic thing since he had RSV and the breathing tube can irritate his airway), another bottle and that sweet baby slept till 7:30 this morning!
He woke up his normal happy self. Took more Tylenol, had a bottle and was back asleep around 8:45. It is currently 10:06 and he's still sleeping. (Update: he woke up at 10:30ish. He took a bottle and we played for a while and he's back down now for another nap. I would NEVER know he had surgery yesterday. Amazing! So thankful!)
He can't be on any straddle toys for 5 days, which means no exercauser for him. He is going to be so excited when he gets back in it...he loves that thing! We sat in the floor and played this morning, and thankfully, he still enjoys just being on his back to play, rolling from side to side. Hopefully by the time we go back to physical therapy next week, he will be sitting up pretty good. Hopefully! He's getting better each day.
I'm so thankful for the anesthesiologist we had yesterday. She was very conservative and she even used the word "obsessive" to describe herself. Love that! She was an older woman who has been doing this 30+ years. She brought up some great points about Matthew's hole in his heart (PFO - patent foramen ovale). She said we should discuss with his cardiologist the possibility of an air bubble in IV tubing getting through his PFO. She "de-bubbled" his tubing to the n'th degree, but it's something I never would have thought of on my own. She also had the surgeon use a local pain medication, instead of doing an epidural/caudal block, for longer pain relief post op. She didn't want to introduce anything into his spinal column or take a chance with his porencephaly. I was literally in tears because she was so thorough and careful with him. The anesthesia was my biggest worry of this surgery, and after meeting with her, my mind was at ease. I was so very thankful for that.
I was also thankful that I talked to the surgeon about checking Matthew's right side, too. I had noticed that his sac was bigger on the left and right as the day progressed. The left was definitely bigger, but it made me a bit suspicious. I hated the thought of Matthew having an extra incision just for the sake of exploration, so needless to say, it felt good when there actually was a problem...justification for the extra cutting. I certainly didn't want him to have to go through this again later down the road!
That about sums it up for now. The weather here is beautiful, and the winds have finally calmed down. I'm sure lots of time will be spent outside the rest of this spring break week. Will try to post again soon. Thanks again for your prayers!
Love,
Tonya
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Home!
In the lobby, waiting to be called for surgery. I was a trooper for not having much to eat drink this morning!
Been weighed. Vitals taken. Gown on. Ready!
Mommy decided to make Daddy be the one to go back with me until I went to sleep.
Daddy rested his eyes and Mommy read her book while they waited for me. The anesthesiologist came out and told them she got my IV on the first stick. I don't remember any of it!
About 45 minutes later, Dr. R came and told Mommy and Daddy that he was all finished with my surgery. He said I did have TWO hernias, but the second one was smaller than the first. I'm so glad Mommy asked him to look on the other side.
The nurse brought me to my Mommy's arms when I was ready. I was SOOOO sleepy still.
Then all of a sudden, I decided I was ready to wake up. I opened my eyes a little earlier, but I was too sleepy to keep them open. I drank some apple juice and some Mommy milk and was ready to go home!
I found the red light on my pulse oximeter very intriguing and couldn't stop playing with it.
The IV in my foot didn't bother me much at all.
We were hoping the nurse would hurry up and come take my vital signs one more time so we could go home!
Ahhh. There she is! Let's go!
------------------------------------------
I forgot to take a picture of us leaving. We were starving and ready to head home. The actual surgery probably only took about 45 minutes. Matthew pulled the trick of holding his breath in recovery, so they monitored him for a little longer than normal in the post op room. So far he has done great. He's a bit fussy but not too bad. At least not yet. The doctor didn't give him anything for pain. Tylenol or Mortin should do the trick. He is currently sleeping again, so we'll see what the night brings.
Thanks so much for your thoughts, prayers and comments. It means the world to me that you care for our boy and our family so much!
Oh, and the spacing with all these pictures is driving me crazy! But I'm too tired to go in and fix them all. Maybe later...
Love,
Tonya
Been weighed. Vitals taken. Gown on. Ready!
Mommy decided to make Daddy be the one to go back with me until I went to sleep.
Daddy rested his eyes and Mommy read her book while they waited for me. The anesthesiologist came out and told them she got my IV on the first stick. I don't remember any of it!
About 45 minutes later, Dr. R came and told Mommy and Daddy that he was all finished with my surgery. He said I did have TWO hernias, but the second one was smaller than the first. I'm so glad Mommy asked him to look on the other side.
The nurse brought me to my Mommy's arms when I was ready. I was SOOOO sleepy still.
Then all of a sudden, I decided I was ready to wake up. I opened my eyes a little earlier, but I was too sleepy to keep them open. I drank some apple juice and some Mommy milk and was ready to go home!
I found the red light on my pulse oximeter very intriguing and couldn't stop playing with it.
The IV in my foot didn't bother me much at all.
We were hoping the nurse would hurry up and come take my vital signs one more time so we could go home!
Ahhh. There she is! Let's go!
------------------------------------------
I forgot to take a picture of us leaving. We were starving and ready to head home. The actual surgery probably only took about 45 minutes. Matthew pulled the trick of holding his breath in recovery, so they monitored him for a little longer than normal in the post op room. So far he has done great. He's a bit fussy but not too bad. At least not yet. The doctor didn't give him anything for pain. Tylenol or Mortin should do the trick. He is currently sleeping again, so we'll see what the night brings.
Thanks so much for your thoughts, prayers and comments. It means the world to me that you care for our boy and our family so much!
Oh, and the spacing with all these pictures is driving me crazy! But I'm too tired to go in and fix them all. Maybe later...
Love,
Tonya
Monday, April 4, 2011
The Big Day
Tomorrow is Matthew's surgery. It is scheduled for 12:30pm and should last about an hour, maybe a little longer. I spoke to the nurse at the surgeon's office Friday and they are going to go ahead and check the other side while he is under anesthesia. We have to be there at 11:15. Fortunately, I'm still pumping breastmilk because he can have a bottle tomorrow morning as long as he is finished by 6:30. I'm planning to get him up in the night, around 11:30 or 12:00, to give him an extra feeding. Just because.
Of course, I'm anxious about the surgery. But I'm more anxious about the anesthesia. I'm just praying that everything will go fine and telling myself that babies have surgery every day, many of which are much more severe and intense than what our little bear is having done. Somehow that makes me feel a little better. A little.
I know many of you have already been praying for our sweet boy and we SOOOO appreciate that! Please pray that everything goes smoothly with the surgery/anesthesia, with no complications. Also, please pray that he won't be screaming hungry in the late morning. He does love to eat! Hmmm, guess he gets that from his Momma!
I will update tomorrow afternoon/evening when I have a chance.
Thanks again for praying!
Love,
Tonya
Of course, I'm anxious about the surgery. But I'm more anxious about the anesthesia. I'm just praying that everything will go fine and telling myself that babies have surgery every day, many of which are much more severe and intense than what our little bear is having done. Somehow that makes me feel a little better. A little.
I know many of you have already been praying for our sweet boy and we SOOOO appreciate that! Please pray that everything goes smoothly with the surgery/anesthesia, with no complications. Also, please pray that he won't be screaming hungry in the late morning. He does love to eat! Hmmm, guess he gets that from his Momma!
I will update tomorrow afternoon/evening when I have a chance.
Thanks again for praying!
Love,
Tonya
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
