**How'd ya like those super cute pictures of sweet Matthew smiling yesterday? He was "talking" to me while in his bouncy seat yesterday morning and wouldn't stop smiling. I grabbed the camera and was finally able to capture more of his cuteness. He turns his head every time he smiles like it's just too much for him to handle.
**I'm loving the fact that I've found a way to pump milk and use my husband's laptop at the same time. I'm all about multi-tasking these days! Speaking of milk, I somehow managed to pump 30 1/2 ounces of milk for Matthew yesterday! I think that might just be a record. I didn't do anything differently...I'm hoping my body keeps up the good work!
**Jessica had a fantastic time on her weekend youth retreat with our church. They went to a beautiful place in the North Georgia mountains called Sharptop Cove. She had a busy weekend that included a mile-long zip line and a huge slide that dumped her into a lake. They had great services, and she made some new friends. Lots of kids accepted Christ into their hearts. What more can you ask for?!
I did have to take her back to the doctor yesterday, and she is being treated for asthma symptoms. A couple of weeks ago, I took her to an urgent care center for a terrible cough. She completed her antibiotic and steroids and seemed to be better. But after her weekend away, she came back and her cough worsened to as bad as it was to begin with. She is now on an inhaler and another steroid for five days. Dr. E doesn't think she has asthma, but she has acquired these symptoms that need to be treated and hopefully will go away. I've been praying like crazy that Emma Grace and Matthew don't get sick.
**Gib completed his half marathon in 2 hrs and 12 minutes. This was a great time for him because he didn't really do any specific training, and he said it was very "hilly". He and his buddy celebrated afterward by hitting The Varsity. Too funny!
**I've been able to get dinner on the table earlier this week which has helped tremendously with getting me out of the kitchen at a decent time. I've also made the decision (albeit not a very "green" one) to put the bottles (BPA free) and pumping stuff in the dishwasher and run it every night. It saves me SO much time, especially since I'm using Dr. Brown's bottles and each one has five pieces.
**I'm having coffee this afternoon with a friend whom I haven't spent much time with in a long time. I'm looking forward to catching up.
Speaking of friends, my friend, Tessa, had her twin boys on October 15th. (I asked y'all to pray for her and my friend, Jenny, a while back - thank you!) She made it to 36 weeks and each baby weighed a little over 5 pounds. They came home with her and avoided NICU, praise God!
Jenny is doing well also. She is now 36, almost 37 weeks, with her little girl. She is scheduled for a c-section on November 6th. All these weeks of bed rest have definitely paid off!
**Hopefully this weekend we are going to get our pumpkins. I hate that it's so late, but we just haven't had time until now. The weather is supposed to be beautiful. I'm just hoping it won't be too chilly for Matthew. We might go to Washington Farms this year where we can pick our own. I will have to call before we go to make sure they still have some.
**I've got to get my hiney in gear and get my thank you notes finished. I originally set a goal of writing five a day and did good for about three days. Then I slacked off and haven't pulled the stuff out again. I know people who gave us gifts and brought us meals must think I'm rude, but I will properly thank them. It just might take me a while.
Sigh.
**I've been anxiously waiting for Matthew's newborn pictures from my friend, April. She came to do them in September and told me it would be a while before she could get them edited and to me. She has a family, a full-time job and is in school full-time. I saw a few peeks on her camera, and I just know they are going to be great. She is so very talented, and I'm so thankful she will still photograph my family. My girls take the best pictures for her!
I wanted to send out birth announcements, but since the time is passing so quickly, I might just send something out with our Christmas cards to save on postage. I didn't send a single Christmas card last year, which was a first in 10 years. I am planning to send them this year, though. Sad thing is that the postage will cost more than the actual cards.
**My heart is so sad, and I feel the attack of Satan all around me. It seems that every time I turn around, someone is getting divorced. And if not divorced, infidelity has occurred and marriages are in turmoil as a result. I remember in our newly married Sunday School class, our teacher (who happened to be Gib's cousin) told us to always keep our eyes open and our guard up. That no matter how strong our faith is, Satan will do everything he can to break up the home. I'm seeing that truth all too often lately.
That's all I have time for this morning. Nothing too terribly exciting going on right now. Hope y'all have a great day!
Love,
Tonya
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Cloudy With a Chance of Rain
That's not the forecast here. No, indeed the rain is already here. And storms are on the way.
I am "cloudy with a chance of rain".
Or maybe it's just my heart.
But truly I feel like it's my entire being. I feel like I have clouds hanging over, around and in me.
Some are light and airy, like the beautiful white cotton balls you sometimes see in a crystal blue sky on a mostly sunny day. Those clouds are there, reminding me of the beautiful blessings in my life. For the good things. Because I am fully aware that there are many people in this world, even in my own family and circle of friends, who aren't as fortunate as I. And I know it. I'm not referring to material possessions. I'm talking about everything, including a relationship with the Lord. I'm overcome with gratefulness.
There are clouds floating around inside of me that are gray, similar to when there is a just a chance of rain. These clouds, unfortunately, remind me of the things that could happen. They are filled with fear. And worry. I'm trying to remind myself of a quote I heard in church a couple of weeks ago...
"Worry is a down payment on something in the future that may or may not ever happen."
I try to keep that in perspective when fear and worry and anxiety creep in. But it's hard. And it's hard work to focus on what is good and what is now. Because the good so often gets clouded over with the bad or the "what if's" of life.
Sigh.
Lately, dark, stormy clouds have slowly been rolling in.
I am not consumed by them.
Not yet.
But I feel myself being unable to keep them out.
As the weather outside continues to change and become more beautiful in this autumn season, the weather inside of me is becoming more unstable.
Stormy.
Heavy.
Dark clouds filled with lots of rain, accompanied by crashing thunder and vivid lightning are rolling in.
The rain could fall at any moment. I feel it building and resting at the base of my throat. I feel as if the room inside my chest is decreasing, and at times the heaviness of it makes it hard to get a deep breath.
As Grady's second birthday approaches, I remember.
Everything.
The good, the very bad and the extreme ugliness of what followed. The ignorance of what I was feeling this time two years ago. Completely unaware of how our world was about to crash around us.
I told Gib last night that I feel like this year might harder and worse than last year. I'm not sure why. It makes me feel a little crazy. Okay. A lot crazy. Like something is terribly wrong with me.
I have a beautiful son and two beautiful daughters here on earth that I am extremely thankful for. I have a husband who loves me, and to this day, I can't figure out why he continues to put up with me.
But none of that takes away my love and deep longing for Baby Grady. I am convinced when I am 80 years old (if I live that long!), I will still feel this way. It never goes away. I might not need to talk about it as much as the years pass, but I will always remember and wonder and love him from this side of heaven.
(Thank you Aimee for sending this up to Grady at the Walk to Remember since we couldn't be there!)
So...the clouds have arrived and are going to hang around for a while. As the month of November quickly approaches, I'm going to try to focus on the sunshine and white, puffy clouds more than the gray and dark clouds.
Try is the key word.
It's much easier said than done.
I expect the rain to come though, sooner or later...
Love,
Tonya
I am "cloudy with a chance of rain".
Or maybe it's just my heart.
But truly I feel like it's my entire being. I feel like I have clouds hanging over, around and in me.
Some are light and airy, like the beautiful white cotton balls you sometimes see in a crystal blue sky on a mostly sunny day. Those clouds are there, reminding me of the beautiful blessings in my life. For the good things. Because I am fully aware that there are many people in this world, even in my own family and circle of friends, who aren't as fortunate as I. And I know it. I'm not referring to material possessions. I'm talking about everything, including a relationship with the Lord. I'm overcome with gratefulness.
There are clouds floating around inside of me that are gray, similar to when there is a just a chance of rain. These clouds, unfortunately, remind me of the things that could happen. They are filled with fear. And worry. I'm trying to remind myself of a quote I heard in church a couple of weeks ago...
"Worry is a down payment on something in the future that may or may not ever happen."
I try to keep that in perspective when fear and worry and anxiety creep in. But it's hard. And it's hard work to focus on what is good and what is now. Because the good so often gets clouded over with the bad or the "what if's" of life.
Sigh.
Lately, dark, stormy clouds have slowly been rolling in.
I am not consumed by them.
Not yet.
But I feel myself being unable to keep them out.
As the weather outside continues to change and become more beautiful in this autumn season, the weather inside of me is becoming more unstable.
Stormy.
Heavy.
Dark clouds filled with lots of rain, accompanied by crashing thunder and vivid lightning are rolling in.
The rain could fall at any moment. I feel it building and resting at the base of my throat. I feel as if the room inside my chest is decreasing, and at times the heaviness of it makes it hard to get a deep breath.
As Grady's second birthday approaches, I remember.
Everything.
The good, the very bad and the extreme ugliness of what followed. The ignorance of what I was feeling this time two years ago. Completely unaware of how our world was about to crash around us.
I told Gib last night that I feel like this year might harder and worse than last year. I'm not sure why. It makes me feel a little crazy. Okay. A lot crazy. Like something is terribly wrong with me.
I have a beautiful son and two beautiful daughters here on earth that I am extremely thankful for. I have a husband who loves me, and to this day, I can't figure out why he continues to put up with me.
But none of that takes away my love and deep longing for Baby Grady. I am convinced when I am 80 years old (if I live that long!), I will still feel this way. It never goes away. I might not need to talk about it as much as the years pass, but I will always remember and wonder and love him from this side of heaven.
(Thank you Aimee for sending this up to Grady at the Walk to Remember since we couldn't be there!)
So...the clouds have arrived and are going to hang around for a while. As the month of November quickly approaches, I'm going to try to focus on the sunshine and white, puffy clouds more than the gray and dark clouds.
Try is the key word.
It's much easier said than done.
I expect the rain to come though, sooner or later...
Love,
Tonya
Friday, October 22, 2010
Living Life
I've had lots of time to ponder things lately. In the quiet moments while holding Matthew, my mind wanders. It skips and jumps and moves all around.
Time is passing way too quickly. Jessica is 11. We only have seven years left with her until she goes to college. I hope she will choose somewhere close, but we will support her regardless.
I can't believe Emma Grace is already 7, and Matthew is 3 months. It is hard to believe it has already been almost 2 years since Grady went to heaven.
Time is flying, and I want to live life. I'm just not sure how to do it...
Let me explain.
Obviously, with a tiny baby there isn't much structure or routine right now. We're still trying to figure that out. And it will come. I certainly do NOT want to wish this time away. It is precious time, and I'm gonna miss it one day. In a way, I already do...
But, despite ironing out those kinks, we still need to live life.
Right now, I feel like we're just existing.
I don't take a single day for granted with my family. I know each minute we have could be our last. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow or even two hours from now. So we should live each moment to the fullest.
I tell my kids and husband that I love them all the time. I think they know it.
But as much fun as I want to have with my family, the chores and daily grind still exist. I'm struggling to find a good balance.
Before we had children, I dreamed of one weekend night where we would have family game night. Each one of us would pick a game to play, and we would have a great time together. We play games but not nearly enough. One of the problems is that we don't have many games to play. The other problem is that there is always other stuff to do, or we are all so tired. Well, maybe that's just me and Gib.
I want my kids to have good memories of growing up. I want them to know that we love them, and I want to engage with them more. I think games are a great way to do this, but even just taking a walk together is nice.
I'm afraid if we keep traveling down the road of life the way we have been, the girls (and soon Matthew) will only remember Mom and Dad as being tired all the time, sleeping/napping, and not doing anything fun.
We do fun things, but not nearly enough.
Here's the thing. There are several things that stick out about my childhood. My mom would occasionally take me to Baskin and Robins to get ice cream on Fridays after school. My dad would play games with me on the weekends. Our favorite was Trouble. We would sometimes brave Monopoly which was a two-day event. I always drank coffee in a sippee cup and "read" the paper with my dad on Sunday mornings. We went to the Flea Market on Sunday afternoons, and I looked forward to the bounce houses.
But, even with those fun things, I remember my parents spending lots of time sleeping/relaxing. Mom would nap every afternoon after I got home from school, one of which I took it upon myself to eat a whole bottle of Flintstone Vitamins. The repercussions were NOT pleasant. My dad always napped on the weekends. And the result was that I was bored a good bit of the time. Granted I was raised as an only child because my brother is 15 years older than me, but I wish I had more memories of us doing things together.
I want that for my children and myself.
I want to look back and know that we spent our time wisely with our children.
I want them to remember us as fun parents who were willing to get out and do things with them. Or who found fun things to do even at home.
I don't want them to remember us as lazy bums, which is what I feel we are sometimes. I'm not saying naps and resting are bad 'cuz Lord knows there are just days when you HAVE to have that or you won't make it through. I'm just saying there needs to be a good balance. And not just with napping and having fun but also with chores and having fun.
The weeks are busy, and there's lots that absolutely has to be done. But the bottom line is that I need to grow a big ole backbone and demand more help from the other people who live here. I'm not very good at that, though. But I'm bogged down with "stuff" and I want to be bogged down with the people who I love the most.
We don't have the money to be going all over the place in search of fun things to do. I just need to be more creative in finding free/cheap things to do. All too soon, it's going to be just me and Gib. And we need to work on spending more time together just the two of us so that we aren't strangers when we are empty nesters. But that's a whole different post for a different day...
We are having a beautiful weekend here in GA. The fall festival at Emma Grace's school is later today, and Gib is running a half marathon tomorrow. Jessica is away for the weekend somewhere in the GA mountains having a blast. Yes, I know where she is :) And I'm so thankful for this great weather because rain and storms are supposed to move in Monday.
Hope y'all have a GREAT weekend!
And, by the way...if you have any fun ideas/suggestions on things to do as a family or memories from your childhood that you want to share, I would love to hear them!
Love,
Tonya
Time is passing way too quickly. Jessica is 11. We only have seven years left with her until she goes to college. I hope she will choose somewhere close, but we will support her regardless.
I can't believe Emma Grace is already 7, and Matthew is 3 months. It is hard to believe it has already been almost 2 years since Grady went to heaven.
Time is flying, and I want to live life. I'm just not sure how to do it...
Let me explain.
Obviously, with a tiny baby there isn't much structure or routine right now. We're still trying to figure that out. And it will come. I certainly do NOT want to wish this time away. It is precious time, and I'm gonna miss it one day. In a way, I already do...
But, despite ironing out those kinks, we still need to live life.
Right now, I feel like we're just existing.
I don't take a single day for granted with my family. I know each minute we have could be our last. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow or even two hours from now. So we should live each moment to the fullest.
I tell my kids and husband that I love them all the time. I think they know it.
But as much fun as I want to have with my family, the chores and daily grind still exist. I'm struggling to find a good balance.
Before we had children, I dreamed of one weekend night where we would have family game night. Each one of us would pick a game to play, and we would have a great time together. We play games but not nearly enough. One of the problems is that we don't have many games to play. The other problem is that there is always other stuff to do, or we are all so tired. Well, maybe that's just me and Gib.
I want my kids to have good memories of growing up. I want them to know that we love them, and I want to engage with them more. I think games are a great way to do this, but even just taking a walk together is nice.
I'm afraid if we keep traveling down the road of life the way we have been, the girls (and soon Matthew) will only remember Mom and Dad as being tired all the time, sleeping/napping, and not doing anything fun.
We do fun things, but not nearly enough.
Here's the thing. There are several things that stick out about my childhood. My mom would occasionally take me to Baskin and Robins to get ice cream on Fridays after school. My dad would play games with me on the weekends. Our favorite was Trouble. We would sometimes brave Monopoly which was a two-day event. I always drank coffee in a sippee cup and "read" the paper with my dad on Sunday mornings. We went to the Flea Market on Sunday afternoons, and I looked forward to the bounce houses.
But, even with those fun things, I remember my parents spending lots of time sleeping/relaxing. Mom would nap every afternoon after I got home from school, one of which I took it upon myself to eat a whole bottle of Flintstone Vitamins. The repercussions were NOT pleasant. My dad always napped on the weekends. And the result was that I was bored a good bit of the time. Granted I was raised as an only child because my brother is 15 years older than me, but I wish I had more memories of us doing things together.
I want that for my children and myself.
I want to look back and know that we spent our time wisely with our children.
I want them to remember us as fun parents who were willing to get out and do things with them. Or who found fun things to do even at home.
I don't want them to remember us as lazy bums, which is what I feel we are sometimes. I'm not saying naps and resting are bad 'cuz Lord knows there are just days when you HAVE to have that or you won't make it through. I'm just saying there needs to be a good balance. And not just with napping and having fun but also with chores and having fun.
The weeks are busy, and there's lots that absolutely has to be done. But the bottom line is that I need to grow a big ole backbone and demand more help from the other people who live here. I'm not very good at that, though. But I'm bogged down with "stuff" and I want to be bogged down with the people who I love the most.
We don't have the money to be going all over the place in search of fun things to do. I just need to be more creative in finding free/cheap things to do. All too soon, it's going to be just me and Gib. And we need to work on spending more time together just the two of us so that we aren't strangers when we are empty nesters. But that's a whole different post for a different day...
We are having a beautiful weekend here in GA. The fall festival at Emma Grace's school is later today, and Gib is running a half marathon tomorrow. Jessica is away for the weekend somewhere in the GA mountains having a blast. Yes, I know where she is :) And I'm so thankful for this great weather because rain and storms are supposed to move in Monday.
Hope y'all have a GREAT weekend!
And, by the way...if you have any fun ideas/suggestions on things to do as a family or memories from your childhood that you want to share, I would love to hear them!
Love,
Tonya
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Yum, Yum!
Well, it seems that Matthew really loves his Mommy milk and it loves him, too!
I took him to the pediatrician this morning for a recheck. He weighed a whopping 12 pounds, 6 ounces! Just one month ago he weighed 9 pounds, 7 1/2 ounces. I couldn't believe he had gained three pounds in the last month! I was actually worried that he wasn't getting enough because he is going such long stretches at night. Needless to say, that is NOT the case!
The doctor was extremely pleased with his weight gain, his muscle tone, his color, his strength and everything in general. It was indeed a great visit, except for the fact that Dr. E wasn't too happy with me for postponing Matthew's MRI. My insurance company wanted to refuse payment, and in order for it to be approved, Dr. E had to call and speak to the physician on the medical review board at the insurance company.
Uggh.
Now we have to get the approval extended or a whole new approval for the procedure. I have rescheduled it for Wednesday, November 24th. Gib and the girls will be out of school which will be a blessing. None of us will want to get up so early to make it there for a 7 am check-in, but at least I don't have to go by myself or worry about childcare!
Just a quick hello and update on sweet baby boy. He's waking up and will be ready to chow down for sure! :)
Love,
Tonya
I took him to the pediatrician this morning for a recheck. He weighed a whopping 12 pounds, 6 ounces! Just one month ago he weighed 9 pounds, 7 1/2 ounces. I couldn't believe he had gained three pounds in the last month! I was actually worried that he wasn't getting enough because he is going such long stretches at night. Needless to say, that is NOT the case!
The doctor was extremely pleased with his weight gain, his muscle tone, his color, his strength and everything in general. It was indeed a great visit, except for the fact that Dr. E wasn't too happy with me for postponing Matthew's MRI. My insurance company wanted to refuse payment, and in order for it to be approved, Dr. E had to call and speak to the physician on the medical review board at the insurance company.
Uggh.
Now we have to get the approval extended or a whole new approval for the procedure. I have rescheduled it for Wednesday, November 24th. Gib and the girls will be out of school which will be a blessing. None of us will want to get up so early to make it there for a 7 am check-in, but at least I don't have to go by myself or worry about childcare!
Just a quick hello and update on sweet baby boy. He's waking up and will be ready to chow down for sure! :)
Love,
Tonya
Monday, October 18, 2010
Matthew - 3 Months Old
I cannot believe this baby boy is already three months old! Time has absolutely flown since he has been born, especially in comparison to how each day of my pregnancy with him seemed like a year. No joke!
He officially turned three months on Saturday, October 16th. But, as usual, I'm late in posting about it. I still have the desire to take his picture with a sign in his crib on his monthly birthday, but when I went upstairs to find the card stock to print it on, I only found empty drawers. Only one culprit...Emma Grace. There's no telling where the card stock is. Probably in the kitchen or bathroom somewhere. Seriously. This is what is hanging in my pantry right this very minute.
Why?
Your guess is as good as mine, but I bet Emma Grace has a reason.
Anyway, this post isn't really about her putting things where they don't belong, now is it?
Ahem.
I tried to take this picture the night after his 3 month birthday. But as you can see, he really wasn't into it.
Matthew is growing by leaps and bounds! We go to the doctor on Thursday for a check up. I really don't know how much he weighs but he has definitely put on the pounds in the last month. He is quickly growing out of his 3 month clothes and is very close to being in 3-6 month clothes. He can still fit into size 1 diapers, but not for much longer. I hope he doesn't abandon them too soon because I have a few more packs to use that were gifts.
Seriously, could his cheeks be any bigger? I think he's storing up for winter!
This is his favorite thing to do...
He is eating 5 ounces every 2 1/2 to 3 hours. He would eat more if it was there! He's such a little butterball, and I love it! He still holds his breath but has definitely gotten better. I am so thankful! I can tell he's making progress and am hoping within another month that he won't hold his breath at all. He is still getting breastmilk in a bottle, but I'm probably going to have to supplement him with formula sooner than six months. I'm having a hard time keeping up with him, and my freezer supply is showing it!
He is starting to smile at us more which is super cute. I haven't been able to capture it in a picture because he's pretty random with it. He especially likes to smile at the picture over my sofa and the top of his changer, which is plain white! Too funny!
He is "talking" more, cooing and making all sorts of sounds. He grunts less, which is nice and conducive to sleep at night. Speaking of sleeping, he is doing great! He sleeps for 6-8 hours at a stretch. I don't get to sleep that much because I pump again before going to bed and get up in the middle of the night to pump, but I definitely feel like I can function better on the sleep I am getting at this point. I am trying to train him to nap in his crib during the day. He is still sleeping with me, but soon he will have to be a big boy and sleep in his own bed. :( I'm just not quite ready for that...
He absolutely loves to be held. His favorite position is on my shoulder while his bottom gets patted. Spoiled? Maybe!
He is drooling quite a bit. I know it's way too early for him to be cutting teeth, but the girls started drooling long before they actually got their first tooth. He loves to blow bubbles with his mouth. He has no clue as to what he's really doing, but it sure is cute to watch.
He loves music. We have a Baby Einstein mobile on his crib and he loves to listen to the music and watch it turn around. He loves to hear his little elephant while getting his diaper changed, and he loves for me to sing him to sleep at night.
Matthew does great in the car unless he's super hungry, and he does love his paci. They gave him the Soothie in the NICU. I recently tried to switch him to the Nuk, but he gags on it. Not while he's sucking it, but when he tries to spit it out. I wanted to switch him because you can't attach a paci holder to the Soothie. Oh well. We will just have to have lots of extras when his hits the floor! He has the cute habit of putting his hand on the paci right after it goes into his mouth. He wants to make sure it doesn't get away!
He has some cradle cap that is driving me crazy! It is caused from over-active oil glands and gets worse the more frequent you wash their hair. He doesn't get a bath very often, so I don't understand why his is so bad. Anyway, I tried to use a soft toothbrush on it last time he got bathed, but the toothbrush was pulling his fine baby hair out! YIKES! I stopped immediately because I didn't want him to be bald on the top of his head. He does have a bald spot on the back of his head, though, which is kinda cute.
He is starting to hold his head up better. He still has a ways to go before he can do it on his own, but he's making progress. He can tolerate tummy time for about 5-10 minutes, then he's done. And he lets me know it!
He is such a love and has many nicknames. My favorite for him right now is Punky (short for Punkin). He also gets called Chunky Punky, Little Man, Little Big Man, Mr. Matthew, Mr. Man, and Baby Love just to name a few. I'm sure I'm missing some.
His MRI was scheduled for this Thursday the 21st, but I decided to postpone it. He must be sedated for the procedure and stay for 12 hours after to be monitored. They called today to confirm everything, and I found out that he will be fully admitted to the hospital for that day. I thought he would just be monitored on an outpatient basis. Praise God Matthew shows no problematic signs or symptoms from his brain bleed. This is simply a follow-up to see if it is still there or gone. So, with some wise counsel from Suzanne (of course), I have decided to put it off a few more weeks until he doesn't have to stay so long afterwards. I am even considering having it done at a different hospital but have some research to do before making my decision.
Hope to be back soon!
Love,
Tonya
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Light a Candle and Remember
I have lots I would love to say, but I simply don't have the time right now. Emma Grace has an art show and Jessica has a choral performance tonight.
But I wanted to take a minute to remind you that tomorrow, October 15th, is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I wrote a longer post about it last year. You can click here if you'd like to read it.
We will be lighting a candle for Grady at 7 pm tomorrow night.
To remember.
Not just him, but all the babies who have left this earth way too soon.
If everyone in all time zones lights a candle at 7 pm, there will be a continuous wave of light to honor and remember the little ones lost.
And even though I don't have anywhere to go tomorrow, I will also wear my pink and blue ribbons. I'm hoping my family will wear theirs like they did last year.
Love and peace to you all,
Tonya
But I wanted to take a minute to remind you that tomorrow, October 15th, is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I wrote a longer post about it last year. You can click here if you'd like to read it.
We will be lighting a candle for Grady at 7 pm tomorrow night.
To remember.
Not just him, but all the babies who have left this earth way too soon.
If everyone in all time zones lights a candle at 7 pm, there will be a continuous wave of light to honor and remember the little ones lost.
And even though I don't have anywhere to go tomorrow, I will also wear my pink and blue ribbons. I'm hoping my family will wear theirs like they did last year.
Love and peace to you all,
Tonya
Monday, October 11, 2010
Beautiful Things
This past weekend was filled with some beautiful things I want to share.
Friday night, on Matthew's 12 week birthday, he smiled at me for the first time. For sure! There was no mistaking it. We were up very late for some reason. It was 1:30 am, and I was rocking him in the glider. He just looked up at me and sported his beautiful smile. He smiled. And smiled. And smiled. It was a beautiful moment I will never forget! (For the record, his adjusted age is 5 weeks.)
Maybe he was in a happy mood after a good two hours of sleep for the first time in his crib.
The weather has been absolutely beautiful here. It couldn't be more perfect. The girls had a great time playing outside over their fall break. I'm so glad it didn't rain or it would have made for a very long week!
I made my first trip to a local Goodwill store Saturday. It is close to a very affluent neighborhood, so they had some very nice things...even some beautiful things with some beautiful prices. Love it!
We made it to church yesterday. I'm ashamed to admit that it was my first time back since Matthew has been home. I've missed it so much, and it felt so good to be back. There was nothing particularly beautiful about it. But it made my heart happy, so I'm including it.
It was Matthew's first time going to church, and he did great! It was another full-circle moment for me. Many days I sat and stood in that church, praying and hoping for a living baby. Finally he's here and in my arms. Now, that is beautiful!
We went to a wedding yesterday in the beautiful town of Dahlonega. The bride was beautiful! We had a little time between the wedding and the reception, so we visited The Fudge Factory. We got some chocolate covered pretzels and some fudge and had a beautiful time on the square together. We then made the drive to the reception at a vineyard nestled in the north Georgia mountains. It was absolutely beautiful! Especially the sunset.
I happen to think this picture of our family is beautiful, too! It's our first family picture since Matthew has been born.
I hope all of you have a beautiful day!
Love,
Tonya
Friday night, on Matthew's 12 week birthday, he smiled at me for the first time. For sure! There was no mistaking it. We were up very late for some reason. It was 1:30 am, and I was rocking him in the glider. He just looked up at me and sported his beautiful smile. He smiled. And smiled. And smiled. It was a beautiful moment I will never forget! (For the record, his adjusted age is 5 weeks.)
Maybe he was in a happy mood after a good two hours of sleep for the first time in his crib.
The weather has been absolutely beautiful here. It couldn't be more perfect. The girls had a great time playing outside over their fall break. I'm so glad it didn't rain or it would have made for a very long week!
I made my first trip to a local Goodwill store Saturday. It is close to a very affluent neighborhood, so they had some very nice things...even some beautiful things with some beautiful prices. Love it!
We made it to church yesterday. I'm ashamed to admit that it was my first time back since Matthew has been home. I've missed it so much, and it felt so good to be back. There was nothing particularly beautiful about it. But it made my heart happy, so I'm including it.
It was Matthew's first time going to church, and he did great! It was another full-circle moment for me. Many days I sat and stood in that church, praying and hoping for a living baby. Finally he's here and in my arms. Now, that is beautiful!
We went to a wedding yesterday in the beautiful town of Dahlonega. The bride was beautiful! We had a little time between the wedding and the reception, so we visited The Fudge Factory. We got some chocolate covered pretzels and some fudge and had a beautiful time on the square together. We then made the drive to the reception at a vineyard nestled in the north Georgia mountains. It was absolutely beautiful! Especially the sunset.
I happen to think this picture of our family is beautiful, too! It's our first family picture since Matthew has been born.
I hope all of you have a beautiful day!
Love,
Tonya
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Colorado
Gib and Jessica took a long weekend trip to Colorado last Friday, October 1st. I was so excited for them to take a trip together. It was their first, and it was a GREAT one.
Gib's brother and his family live in Colorado, and Jessica has wanted to go to a Georgia football game for a long time. When Gib learned that Georgia would be playing in Colorado, his wheels started turning. And, fortunately, the trip came to fruition.
This was Jessica's third time flying.
We flew to Colorado for Arthur and Shannon's wedding in 2006, but she doesn't remember the flight to Montana when she was one. She had a GREAT time playing with her little cousins, Kylie and Collin.
Kylie declared Jessica her new best friend!
Even though the Bulldogs lost, it was a definite memory-making time for Jessica and Gib. Jessica got cold at the game and she said "It was long". But now she can say she has been to one. It was an extra special time for Gib and his brother, Arthur, because they never get to see each other, much less go to a GA football game. They are HUGE Bulldog fans and are constantly on the phone when a game is on. I wish I had a picture of the two of them, but no one took one. :(
Jessica did NOT want to come home. But who would want to leave a place like this?
See Jessica looking out at the view?
She got to ride in Uncle Arthur's Porsche.
Play on the massive play set in their back yard.
Swim in the pool and relax in their hot tub (which are obviously covered in this picture).
She even went shopping with Aunt Shannon, who spoiled her just a little. :) Jessica loved every minute of it! This was definitely a trip both she and Gib will remember. A great time was had by all!
Thank you Uncle Arthur, Aunt Shannon, Kylie and Collin for having them to your home and showing them such a good time!
The only downside is that they came home with a stomach bug. They picked it up somewhere on their trip. They are both feeling better. However, I'm holding my breath and praying REAL hard that Matthew, Emma Grace and I don't get it. I especially don't want Matthew to get it. To say that I've been a germ freak/nazi is an understatement. Hopefully the fact that he's getting my milk will help him stay well.
The weather is simply beautiful here for our fall break! We did have an awesome day at the Botanical Gardens on Wednesday of this week, just before Jessica got sick. We went with our friends next door, picnicked and hiked the nature trails along the river for over an hour. Matthew did great in the front carrier (Baby B'jorn, which I love equally as much as my Baby K'tan!) and slept the whole time.
Hope all of my blog friends are doing well!
Love,
Tonya
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Tidbits from T
Hello my blog friends!
I have no good excuse for being absent for so long, so I won't try to apologize. Just a little update and some tidbits of what's going on lately...
~~~Fall break is this coming week for my girls. We have no major plans except for going on a picnic to the Botanical Gardens and my hair appointment later in the week. I'm so glad to have a week off from hectic mornings. I try to get as much done the night before, but it's still stressful. My hat is off to all of you working moms out there. I don't know how you do it!!!
~~~Jessica is currently on a very special trip with her Daddy which I will blog about very soon...
~~~Matthew is doing well. He still holds his breath when he eats. He mostly does it at the beginning of the feeding, but occasionally he will just stop breathing during the feeding. Frustrating thing is that he can do it. He just doesn't.
He's getting my milk strictly from a bottle with a slow-flow nipple. I have tremendous guilt for not trying harder to get him to nurse. One lactation consultant I spoke with said she didn't think it was too late to try. I just simply don't think it's fair to him to make him nurse at this point. He's so used to the bottle and the ease of it. My goal is to have him on just breast milk until he is six months old, in addition to the solid foods he will start. After that point, I will still pump three or four times a day and supplement him with formula. It is not ideal, but it's what I have to do to keep my sanity. The love-hate relationship the pump and I have is becoming more hate than love...
Matthew has been sleeping exceptionally well! He will go from about 10 or 11 pm until 4 or 5 am. WHOO HOO! I feel like a new person getting a bit more sleep, but I worry about him not having those night feedings for growth. But I'm certainly not going to wake him unless I absolutely have to!
His MRI has been scheduled for Thursday, October 21st. We will have to be at the hospital at 6 am. Yikes! The bad thing is that because he is so small, he will have to be sedated and will have to stay at the hospital for 12 hours after the procedure to be monitored. I had the choice of waiting until December when he would be big enough to leave after the test, but I can't wait until then. I really need to know the status of his brain bleed. I'm hoping there's no bleed anymore, therefore no status.
I think he has smiled at me a couple of times, but no real definite for sure grins yet. But I'm ready!!!
~~~Fall has definitely hit GA and so have the mixed emotions in my heart. Fall has always been my favorite season, but now I associate it with Grady's death. So, the grief and joy continue to dance daily in my life and in my heart.
~~~I continue to be grateful for those who, even two years after Grady's death and after Matthew's arrival, talk about Grady and recognize that it is still hard for me. I am sad that we will not be going to the Atlanta Walk to Remember this year. I was hoping last year that I would have a living baby to take this year. We have some super close family friends getting married that day and wouldn't miss it for anything. We will be there next year, though! National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day is coming up on October 15th. In addition to lighting our candle, we may get some balloons and send them up for Grady that day.
~~~I took the bedding off the crib to wash today. This was the final step in the nursery that I hadn't done. Matthew needs to start spending time in there and taking some naps in his own crib. Hard to imagine that he will be ready to go in there soon. I also packed away some of Grady's clothes that Matthew has already outgrown. I will never get rid of them. Well, never say never, but if I do, it will be a good long while!
~~~I've definitely watched too much HGTV. I want to paint our kitchen cabinets and redo the main color inside. Gib told me I'm crazy...and that was just about the house color. He doesn't even know that I want to do the cabinets! He will after reading this, though.
That's all for now. Hope to be back sooner than later!
Love,
Tonya
I have no good excuse for being absent for so long, so I won't try to apologize. Just a little update and some tidbits of what's going on lately...
~~~Fall break is this coming week for my girls. We have no major plans except for going on a picnic to the Botanical Gardens and my hair appointment later in the week. I'm so glad to have a week off from hectic mornings. I try to get as much done the night before, but it's still stressful. My hat is off to all of you working moms out there. I don't know how you do it!!!
~~~Jessica is currently on a very special trip with her Daddy which I will blog about very soon...
~~~Matthew is doing well. He still holds his breath when he eats. He mostly does it at the beginning of the feeding, but occasionally he will just stop breathing during the feeding. Frustrating thing is that he can do it. He just doesn't.
He's getting my milk strictly from a bottle with a slow-flow nipple. I have tremendous guilt for not trying harder to get him to nurse. One lactation consultant I spoke with said she didn't think it was too late to try. I just simply don't think it's fair to him to make him nurse at this point. He's so used to the bottle and the ease of it. My goal is to have him on just breast milk until he is six months old, in addition to the solid foods he will start. After that point, I will still pump three or four times a day and supplement him with formula. It is not ideal, but it's what I have to do to keep my sanity. The love-hate relationship the pump and I have is becoming more hate than love...
Matthew has been sleeping exceptionally well! He will go from about 10 or 11 pm until 4 or 5 am. WHOO HOO! I feel like a new person getting a bit more sleep, but I worry about him not having those night feedings for growth. But I'm certainly not going to wake him unless I absolutely have to!
His MRI has been scheduled for Thursday, October 21st. We will have to be at the hospital at 6 am. Yikes! The bad thing is that because he is so small, he will have to be sedated and will have to stay at the hospital for 12 hours after the procedure to be monitored. I had the choice of waiting until December when he would be big enough to leave after the test, but I can't wait until then. I really need to know the status of his brain bleed. I'm hoping there's no bleed anymore, therefore no status.
I think he has smiled at me a couple of times, but no real definite for sure grins yet. But I'm ready!!!
~~~Fall has definitely hit GA and so have the mixed emotions in my heart. Fall has always been my favorite season, but now I associate it with Grady's death. So, the grief and joy continue to dance daily in my life and in my heart.
~~~I continue to be grateful for those who, even two years after Grady's death and after Matthew's arrival, talk about Grady and recognize that it is still hard for me. I am sad that we will not be going to the Atlanta Walk to Remember this year. I was hoping last year that I would have a living baby to take this year. We have some super close family friends getting married that day and wouldn't miss it for anything. We will be there next year, though! National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day is coming up on October 15th. In addition to lighting our candle, we may get some balloons and send them up for Grady that day.
~~~I took the bedding off the crib to wash today. This was the final step in the nursery that I hadn't done. Matthew needs to start spending time in there and taking some naps in his own crib. Hard to imagine that he will be ready to go in there soon. I also packed away some of Grady's clothes that Matthew has already outgrown. I will never get rid of them. Well, never say never, but if I do, it will be a good long while!
~~~I've definitely watched too much HGTV. I want to paint our kitchen cabinets and redo the main color inside. Gib told me I'm crazy...and that was just about the house color. He doesn't even know that I want to do the cabinets! He will after reading this, though.
That's all for now. Hope to be back sooner than later!
Love,
Tonya
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